Birrrrrrrrrrdman

Now yesterday when I said something along the lines of "This Paul Byrd thing reeks of that asshat Smotlz", what I really meant was, "Man I am glad Paul Byrd is going to kick the Jay's asses." And so be it. It also helps that once Halladay realized he wasn't getting traded this year he more or less banged out early for the season. Helps everyone except my fantasy team, but that's just lady luck giving me the finger, as per usual. Byrd wasn't exactly knock em down impressive, but that's not his thing. Paul Byrd is the bizzaro-Beckett. He'll bore you to death with his windup, sometimes double it up for good measure, then throw something that resembles a meatball right down the pipe and right when the batters eye's get as big as Reche Caldwell's back in '05(?) something will happen to the ball and they will miss it. I know "something happening" to the ball isn't the best description, but nothing THAT amazing happens to it. It's not a sharp break or a cut or anything different than BP, the thing just moves. That's Paul Byrd and that's what he does. I'll take it when the taking is good.

That wasn't a curve ball

That was a "so what if I stole some laptops take this you filthy sonuvabitch" curve ball. Just ask Jose Bautista what he thinks of it. See that picture up there, that's a called strike and Jose has already stopped, dropped and rolled and that was just the first batter. Check out the video around 28 seconds. That's some good stuff.

In more disturbing news, Timmy is sore so he's going to skip a start and Paul Byrd is starting today in his place. Paul Byrd. Ok. This doesn't reek of that Smotlz asshat thing that just went down a few weeks ago. Boston Red Sox August Baseball: A heart attack in every game.

He's just waiting

Look, you know this guy can pitch and you now when he does he hands taints to his opponents like an electrified taint handing machine, aka Mecha-Beckett 2000. The last few times out, well I figure he's just saving some of that venomous mojo for October. Despite looking more like the Sox version of John Smoltz*, the boys still got the W at the end of the rainy night on a few key Sox defensive plays and White Sox defensive eff-ups. The White Sox play the game like little leaguers. It seems like they know if any of them make a mistake Ozzie is going to yell at them in the dugout, let a few f-bombs out in a post game interview regarding their sh*tty play and then bench the guy the next game. Although, a lot of the stuff Ozzie says is kind of funny.

* Smoltz so far with the Cards: 11 IP, 1 (one) earned run. With the Sox I don't think Smoltz went on a run of 11 pitches without giving up more than 1 run. I'm going to chalk it up to NL play because there is no way someone goes from sh*t show to hero like that.

Funky Junky

Pardon the Globe-ish play on words title, but Junky was not at his best last night. Something like 7 ER over his first 4 appearances and then 9 last night. Ouch. I'm not sure which cliche properly fits today. "You can't win 'em all" or "Win some, lose some" or "Jon, I swear to God watching Back to the Future 2 more times tonight will not grant you the power to make a real flux capacitor." Yeah right, I'm halfway there*

*That may or may not be my actual flux capacitor. Emphasis on may not.

Professions for Penny

Last night the Sox let go of Brad Penny after he asked for his release. While we're sure he'll find work again in the MLB this year (likely the NL), it's not out of the question for him to pursue other career opportunities (plus, it gives a chance to make fun of him one last time)...

Cowboy - He's got the look down, though we're not sure if he's in any condition to be wrangling cattle. But who knows, maybe he's a real life Curly, a la City Slickers.

Weight-Watchers model - Only catch is that you have to reverse the before and after pictures for the commercials.

Full time drinking buddy and pal to Tommy LaSorda - I have no idea what these two would talk about, but they'd be the ultimate odd couple. It would certainly make for a great reality TV show or movie. Think Swingers meets Grumpy Old Men.

Motivational speaker - C'mon, who wouldn't want tips from a guy who's added Alyssa Milano and Eliza Dushku as notches to his bedpost.

Fattest jockey ever - You can see the fear in the horse's eyes. "Please don't sit on me, Brad."

Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest participant - You know he'd give Kobyashi and Joey Chestnut a run for his money.

Who is that guy?

Who makes the headlines this morning? Wake, age 74, coming off the DL to make sweet, sweet baseball love in the form of a discombobulating knuckler, or that Ortiz guy for an 04'ish walk-off that gets the most pessimistic Sox fan to step off the edge for a minute? For the Cheese, it's Pesky Pole (pictured above obviously). Thank you to the leprechauns that live underneath Fenway that pull that thing back and forth as needed. Over the years the Sox have lived and died by you and last night you shined again. Also, thank you for not calling last night's ball "foul" like you are above. It's tough to get pictures of "The Pole", it's kind of like a vampire (or Jason Bay) or whatever that thing is that doesn't appear when you take pictures of it so that artist rendering is THE closest you'll ever come to seeing "The Pole".

The funny thing about turning points is you can't point them out (or jinx them) til you're far enough away to properly look back at them. I'm not saying this was one, because I can't really, but to see Wake back and an Ortiz walk-off (which has been 2 years in the making now) and be in the middle of a home stand and to know those friggin kids in the neighborhood go back to school today so they'll stop leaving flaming bags of dog sh*t on my door step every hour, well it feels alright. Now if the NY d-bags would drop a few games I'd start sleeping a lot better.

It ain't Papi and Manny

But V-mart and Jay-Bay are fine by me. Watching the game last night I heard V-Mart was given an off day but would be available for pinch hitting. That's more or less a nice way of saying to Tek "We'll give you a few ABs. If you scorch em, maybe we'll let you go the whole game, but I wouldn't count on it." And that's what happened. Then Mr. Bay let one ride over that big green wall thing in left and two countries rejoiced at once. At least I assume Canada rejoices when he goes bridge. However people, there is bigger news on the Sox front right now and I ain't talkin' Wagner.

Tonight, my friend and yours, Timmy Wake comes back from his annual fishing trip/DL stint. Remember him? The old guy that purposely throws mid 70's and gets away with it. He's been out over a month and left with that 11-3 record that was best in the majors at the time. This could be a whole new Wake though because now rather than having Pasta Pants (Douggie) or Georgey catching for him and dragging down the lineup, Tito gets to put V-mart in there who in just about everyone's opinion is the starting catcher you want in there every night right now. So Wake brings us a W tonight and maybe somehow both Texas and NY lose so the Sox gain ground in both the WC and the division. It's happened before.

Deal-a-Dirtbag

This afternoon the Sox finally completed the deal for the infamous Billy Wagner. I don't really care what the flame-throwing lefty has to offer the Sox, but I do feel reassured that the spot Mark Kotsay left open was finally filled.... and by that I mean the guy on the team with the skeevy, white trash/ Kid Rock/ Dale Earnhardt Jr. look.

This is why...

... I beat on Drew. I think it lights a fire under his ass. 1-3 is nothing special, but he hit another dinger and maybe that average will start climbing soon to boot. Now no one has to light a fire under Dustin's ass. That thing is always on fire. He's quietly hitting over 300 with almost 100 runs and a sneaky 17 stolen bases. I say sneaky because last time I checked, I never want Pedroia running. He's got that little league type sprint that looks like he's trying to run really hard but not moving anywhere, but apparently the dude has some thievery in him so I should just let him be.

Note to the all starting pitchers not named Junky and Lester: Please stop giving up so many god damn runs. What the hell?

I'm just a cave man

Ladies and gentlemen of the Cheese, I'm just a caveman. Your world confuses me. I see these Yankees and all the home runs this "Matsui" hits and I think to myself, "How does his club hit the ball so far but our own JD Drew's club can't even get the ball out of the infield." Whatever the club though, I do know that when Josh Beckett gives up 5 home runs in one game you're going to have a hell of a time winning that game.

Also, in the "what the fuggin hell?" section, Old Man Smoltz threw 5 innings of no run ball with 9 strikeouts. 7 of those in a row. I'd just like to thank Smoltz for bringing none of that magic with him to Boston. Thank you very much.

Hey Dice, take note

Sure Junky gave up a few hits, but they were scattered enough where they did no real damage. Youk on the other hand was handing out damage like he sweats. Profusely. It's been said every time Youk sweats... well, actually nothing occurs that frequently, except for him sweating. 7 wonders of the world and Youk's Sweat Glands. Anyway, it's nice to get one back and in such grand fashion. So far there have been 87 runs scored this series but tomorrow is Beckett and CC and something tells me it's not going to be a double digit affair like the last 2 days. I don't care about the games behind and wild cards and whatever the hell else they want to talk about on EEI or the Sports Chub, there's a lot of work left to do this year but taking 2 out of 3 from the Yanks is definitely the way we'd all like to see things go.

Godzilla

Little did we know that the Sox could have used a kitten to combat Godzilla and his 7 RBIs last night. oh well.

Move on people. Just move on.

No pretty pictures. No funny tag line. That was a pounding, plain and simple. In a contest to see who can get their taints handed to them faster, Penny let up 8 in 4 innings, but not to be out-tainted, Bowden came in for 2 innings letting 7 earned through while giving up 2 of Penny's runs just for sh*ts and giggles.

This is one you want to forget. You want to stay in all day and when someone comes near you, you kind of just want to punch them and then apologize only so they come closer so you can swat at them again. All you can do is wait for 4:10 this afternoon, but at the same time you know you're going to be in that fetal position rocking back and forth starting around 3 and if JT gives up a run in the first it's only going to get worse from there.

Deep breaths. Maybe some cheeseburgers and a few Sam Summers while it's still technically summer. All these things will help ease the game. Deep breaths.

Eff me sideways

It is 8:54 PM. Do you know where you #5 starter is? In the motha f*cking shower with 8 ER over 4 innings. Yuck.

JD Drewsless no more.

Yesterday Steve and I were typing on the keyboard into our respective computers and relaying the messages back and forth to eachother via the world wide web. Some people call this emailing. We call it killin' time before a game. The subject of our time wasting maneuver? JD Drew and how soon the luster of that '07 ALCS Grand Slam should wear off and his need to do something worth $14 mil a year, or hell even something worth watching. Helping finish a sweep with a 2 HR performance is a start, but I'm saying this guy has to go on a major tear well into September to make up for the constant days off and general lack of what my 5th grade gym teacher would call "hustle and bustle." We even got so into discussing the Drewster yesterday that we looked into his contract and saw he has a few injury clauses and we* were wondering how one goes about hiring someone to, ahem, loosen up someone's shoulder.

Of course Drew didn't NEED to be "all that" last night because Jon Lester was "all that" and a little bit more, but it's definitely a nice pick me up before the flying circus comes to town. 6.5 games coming in and I'm not going to lie about being scared regarding Friday and Saturdays pitching "duels". Brad Penny will need to summon the souls of the hottest girls he's ever pegged to get the juices flowing and start things off on the right foot tonight. For me it all hinges on tonight. If they rip Pettit up early I think they can keep things going all weekend, which of course ends with a game that I'm going to give the Cheese Guarantee of going over 4.5 hours Sunday night on ESPN with Becks vs Chilli Cheeseburger Sabathia. It's a big weekend coming and I'm sure we'll have some more preview action later on today.

*I mean "we" in the Steve sense. As in he's the guy you're looking for officer. Sick sonuvabitch, I know.

Accidents happen

So, no Cheese yesterday. I'm sure you noticed. Well, long story short, Garvey had to get his spleen, appendix and one of his kidney's removed so he could successfully drop weight and make the weight class he wanted to so he can fight in "UFC 102: Punchy, kicky, bitey". I on the other hand was in a rather embarrassing unicycle accident that I would just rather leave at that, an accident that no one knows anything about.

What did we miss? Sox win 2 in a row? Offensive production? Beckett gives up more runs in one inning than he has in the last 2 months? Apparently our surgeries and uncoordinated unicycling has thrown a charge into the boys and they've gone hog wild up in Toronto. Kind of a nice time to put together some momentum with the Spanks invading Boston this weekend. That kid everyone loves to love, Jon Lester, takes the ball tonight and you'd have to think with Beckett not having his best night Monday, Lester is primed to do some serious taint-handing to the canucks and advance the Sox further into the WC lead and maybe shave some games off the Yanks, whom I must say are still playing "out of their gourds" since the AS break.

Fooled y'all

Going back in time so we can say that we hit on consecutive days. For those not in the blogging community, Blogspot has a 'back to the future' function. And so this isn't a complete waste of a post, I give you the Eck-mouse and Orsillo-rhino....

Don't ask.

Brian Daubach saves our country... coaching baseball

Ever sit on your couch and think to yourself "I wonder what Brian Daubach is doing right now."?
Wonder no longer, the Globe has an exclusive with the famed former Sox slugger (using 'slugger' in the loosest of terms here). The Dauber is coaching an Independent league team in Nashua, which as you may have known them as the Nashua Pride, are now called the American Defenders of New Hampshire. Yup, I'm not making that up. and they wear camouflage. all the time. The sheer thought of a baseball team full of minor league rejects defending an entire state is hilarious enough, but then you picture a goofy Daubach leading the front line with eye black on and a bat and pine tar in hand, and you've got yourself comedy gold right there.

(also, Dauber appears to be nailing down his best Deluise look.)

Frank the Tank!!!

Is it just me, or does Viola sound like Frank the Tank after he got shot in the jugular with the tranq dart?

"Don, I like you man, but you're crazy."

Talk about a slow baseball day, unless of course you're Scott Boras who is poised to make more money today off that Strasburg kid than I will probably ever make in my life.

Wild Card Bitches

If you're not watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadephia" well it's about high time you start. New season starts soon too.

Enough about my questionable TV viewing habits though. I'm sick of this on again off again crap fest that the Sox are playing like right now. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Sh*tshow. I blame all of this on not going for the sweep against the Tigers. They win that game, go rolling into Texas and take 2 out of 3 there at worst with that mojo express rolling Nolan Ryan and his punk-ass Rangers right out of town. However, that didn't happen and they were lucky to come away with just one win and now more of this damn wild card talk will be everywhere around us for weeks to come. Not that the WC hasn't rewarded the Sox in the past, but it's not the way they want to finish it up I'm sure.

Also, if you're a Sox player, how much must it suck to see V-Mart come in and tear the cover off the ball while apparently shooting up Red Bull directly into his heart and the rest of the team sits by twiddling their thumbs waiting for something to happen. Everyone, take a cue from Victah, it's time to man up and get this sh*t done.

End pissing and moaning.

THEIF, THEIF!!!

Every friggin' second you turned around last night the rangers were running on 'Tek like a fat kid chasing a cheese burger. 8 stolen bases. What the f*ck? Half the time it seemed like 'Tek didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of even getting the umpire to bother signaling that the guy was safe his throws were so far behind. To get an idea of how much the Rangers ran last night, besides Kinsler's 2nd inning bridge shot, the Rangers had only one extra base hit the whole night. Single, steal second, advance to 3rd, get him home. The Sox got small balled to death last night and they had no answer for it. Positives of the night? V-mart and Jay Bay kept smashing the ball, but solo shots don't do much with no one on base. Tough one to watch for sure.

It's a lot to ask of Junky to step up today and get out of Texas with a series win, but that is what is asked of him today. My guess, V-mart is behind the plate today so there isn't another marathon on the bases. My other guess is that Drew is out... again and there's a right fielder that very few of us have heard of or care to have in the lineup.

Oh yeah, you'll fit riiiiiight in

Name wise, it couldn't fit better. Nomah. Victah. Gahciaparah. Mahteenis. Just saying, name wise there could be a new guy we're all throwing our sweet ass accents at. It fits. Just saying

Last night looked bleak folks, bleak indeed. Que Franky Francisco and all of a sudden the boys wake up for a 6 run hammering against the team that apparently is rivaling The Sox in the "Wild Card". I myself haven't reduced the chances yet to the Wild Card. Sure NY is playing better than we'd like to see right now, but last night puts hope in a man. Last night makes you think the other night's lineup snafu was just that, a minor hiccup in what could be a great season. Maybe it's the full night's sleep talking, I don't know, but right now I'm a believer. Let's put Texas out of this "Wild Card" bullsh*t talk with a few more W's and give us all a better weekend than last.

People, please put away your brooms

That's right, keep em in there. Honestly though, with the B-team they sent out there against Verlander there wasn't much chance. I don't know if anyone would have had a chance against 'Landy yesterday when he was blasting 100 mph in the 8th inning. One bright spot though, Chris Woodward(you know THE Chris Woodward, the journey man of all journey men, just look how he's played every position except catcher), well Chris doesn't mind stepping in front of a pitch, even if it is some filthy cheese coming at 95+. That's the positives we can take out of that game, their backup of a backup doesn't mind getting bruised. I would have gone for the sweep...

Brave new live blog world

It's live. It's day time. It's crazy. We'll try and be here the whole time so you should be too.

Tuesday's Brawl - An Illustrated Guide

A day late and a dollar short, but this photo gallery over at Boston.com had me chucklin'. So of course, we need to Cheese-ify it...


"You sons of bitches ever played Youk tag?"


"Throwing helmets is one of the keys to victory in Youk tag."


"Boy, what's that pungent smell? Oh, its me."


"Youk! You're on fire! Stop, drop, and roll."


Terry Francona's bedtime tales about his playing career in Montreal successfully puts the umpire to sleep.


"Who stole my pack of Marlboro reds? "

"So, what's the diagnosis, Dr. Extremely Tiny Team Physician?"

"I'm done arguing with you two. In fact, I'm throwing my tongue away."

*Also, damn Mohegan Sun for bashing that Superfreak parody commercial into my head. Now it's in your head. you're welcome.

Josh Beckett: Ruiner of hopes and dreams.

For those of you non-nature freaks, that's a tiger right there he's holding. It may look deer-ish, but it ain't. You don't believe me? You go approach that guy and tell him he doesn't kill Tigers. Beckett is the wine of the staff this year, getting better with time. Not only is Beckett just killing it lately it but Bay is on a tear and looking at the way Lowell is playing I think he probably put a bug in Youk's ear to charge the mound knowing that it would lead to a suspension and playing time. Much needed wins especially after that non-winning streak and everyone is getting in on the show.

As you may have saw last night, Remy was back at Fenway and he talked to EEI about his return to the booth. Thanks to our pal Bernie over at EEI for the audio. Some may think at the Cheese we don't welcome Remy back because of our namesake and Eck, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We wish Remy a healthy and speedy comeback and can't wait for some much missed Rem-time.

Youk charging the mound, explained.

Taken from an exclusive interview with Kevin Youkilis (pictured above) post game last night:

Yeah, I charged the mound. The guy hit me, what do you want? I'll charge you too. I drive a Dodge Charger. My cell phone, it's right here, fully charged. I got 5 f*cking Visa charge cards in my pocket and at least 20 TiVo'd episodes of Charles in Charge at home. You know when they play that Calvary song at stadiums to get people pumped, then everyone yells "CHARGE!!", that sh*t f*cking pumps me up.

I knew there was a logical explanation for all this.

POW right in the kisser... POW right in the kisser.

Youk has been a pin cushion for quite some time now. Joba has thrown at him and now this Porcello kid hits him hard and then it's dance time and Youk went all charging bull on his ass. Not to be outdone, Tito then got thrown out arguing a JD "I could care less" Drew stolen base miscall at 2nd. Youk threw his helmet, Teets his gum, it was a big ol' angry mess.

I'll go ahead and say this is what the Sox needed to blow off steam from their shit-tay weekend in the Bronx. Sure they won Monday night, but hitting a few more HRs and letting Youk run and get all punchy at stuff surely gets him back in the right frame of mind.

Now we (the fans, not the all encompassing we) get to wait and see how much time Youk is going to miss for challenging Porcello to an early UFC 102. It was worth it.

** One little thing to add. If you live, or have lived, in or around Boston then chances are you've listened to 104.1 WBCN before, and yesterday was their last day on the air. I know everyone is all XM this and Sirius that, but long before every car had a CD player or satellite radio you were forced to listen to the regular old radio and 'BCN has been the #1 preset on my radio since I could drive. On my way to work this morning when I heard "The Mix 104.1" my heart sank like it was 2003. I used to listen to Howard Stern at night on BCN and then in the mornings when that was just what you listened to. I've heard hundreds of concert announcements and listened to countless Patriot games with Gino and crew. Where ever I have lived, 104.1 has always been 'BCN to me and I don't think I can untrain my mind at this point. Alas, happy trails 'BCN, thank you for the River Raves and Sterns and O&A's and everything else, you will always be the lord of the Rock to me.

Fight night!!!

This could be bad. Youk is going to miss time but it should at least get the troops fired up a bit. Stay tuned for more.

Only mostly dead

Remember that scene in the Princess Bride when Westley is captured by Prince Humperdink... and they torture him within an inch of his life... and then Andre the Giant and Inigo "You kill my father, prepare to die" Montoya save him in his near lifeless state, get the secret potion from Billy Crystal, and Westley slowly comes back to life to the awe of Andre when Westley notes "I've always been a fast healer, Fezzik." Well, it's not so much a scene as it is half the movie, but that right there is the embodiment of the 2009 Boston Red Sox. Just when we think they're dead and lose 6 critical division games in August, they come back to life, outwit the Sicilian, kill the 6-fingered man, and save the Princess.

... and you know I mean it when I inexplicably compare the local nine to some 80's flick. INCONCEIVABLE!!!

I feel bad for Steve Phillips

Because he has to sit next to these 2 fools every Sunday the Sox play the Yanks. Being up in New Hampshire, EEI's signal doesn't reach my house that well, there must be a bridge in the way or something, so I'm forced to listen to Dumb and Dumberest there while the Sox get their taints handed to them again. I'm sure this is the time when everyone wants to hear some profound words or at least something halfway amusing but I just don't know f*cking know. Going in 2 1/2 back and leaving 6 1/2 back and now tied for the Wild Card (which I think is too early to talk about so I never will again) really, for lack of a better word, sucks. I don't know how they're going to do it, but the boys just have to put that sh*tshow behind them and find a way to win. Get the hell out of New York, go home, have some of the wife's "home cooking" and then start tearing the teams apart in a way that will make the Yankees fear the next time The Sox show up on the schedule... which is in 2 weeks. By then, I say they're only 3 back and that series is going to be THE series this year.

Someone please stop the bleeding

If the Red Sox are cheese burgers, then CC Sabathia is CC Sabathia. He ate The Sox and CC don't leave any crumbs. It seems like it's been weeks since the boys have clicked, and by clicked I mean shown any signs of life or wanting to win or playing baseball. I'm at the angry point in the series and getting to that point in the season. Don't they care how much attention I've paid? How many social activities I've put off to stay home and watch games? How long I spent photo shopping all those hamburgers earlier in the season? The sh*t is about to hit the fan and honestly tonight I think The Sox are going to bring it to The Yanks. I just do. You can only kick these guys for so long, so tonight, tonight they fight.

I leave you with a quote I heard the other day that brings hope for the Sox. "A team is never really as good as it looks when they're playing their best, and a team is never as bad as they seem when they are playing at their worst." It's not over.

Long wait for nothing

This "guy" beat us?!? I hate that guy. 15 innings and what seemed like 15 hours all for nothing. Sadly, after Thursday night I almost saw the game that started Friday night as a victory because the Sox didn't get their heads caved in again. You can't ask for much more out of anyone, well except of course to score some runs on some of these endless walks that the Yanks are throwing out there.

I see The Sox winning the next two. I just do. They have to. They've lost in two just plain out hurtful ways and they've gotta have some fight left in em. Gotta stay positive in these tough times and that's what I'm going to do. That and I know I'm going golfing with a Yankee fan today and I've going to get more crap than anyone wants to deal with on your typical Saturday morning. Keep the positive vibes flowing people, it works.

See ya Smoltzie

Don't let the door hit ya where the good door split ya. That's kind of harsh but that's what it came down to and The Professor is no longer with the Red Sox. DFA'd today. It'd be a shame if that's the way he ended it all, but it was pretty obvious it wasn't going quite as everyone had planned. Now instead of listening to everyone talk about getting rid of Smoltz, we just have to listen to everyone talk about who is going to start and why did they get rid of Masterson, etc, etc. Should be fun.

On to more pressing matters though, like the 3 games the boys can still salvage from this road trip through hell and come up with their heads held somewhat high. Becks, Buchs and Lester. Definitely the wild card in the middle but I think they can at least get a split out of this and maybe more if they can de-rail the Yanks tonight. The blood is definitely flowing.

What do I think?

Me (during the 4th inning Smoltzing): ::choice word, choice word, well lots of choice words:: Oh my god, just let him go.
My wife: Go where?
Me: I don't care. Away.

You know how I know...

... the Sox are in a tough f*cking spot? Because Youk is starting in left field tonight, Victah behind the plate, Kotchy at first and Lowell at 3rd. Coming soon, closer by committee. DSFBineafdsdgn. Sorry, I blacked out for a minute there, I shouldn't have said that.

This just in. Johnny Damon fills his car with steroids. If you're watching the pre-game, you know what I mean. Does Johnny though? Probably not.

Why I dislike the Rays

Remember the movie The Rookie? Think more Quaid, less Sheen. The part that really made me start disliking the Rays before they did that whole '08 thing was that scene where the main character walks into the Rays clubhouse for the first time and sees the "treasured history" of his fellow Rays hanging in jersey form in the likes of Fred McGriff, Jose Canseco and Wade Boggs. Sorry but those guys didn't exactly bleed purple and teal or whatever the Ray's lame ass colors are. Baseball inaccuracies in movies really tick me off. I won't even bore you with my take on that Brandon Fraiser crapfest "The Scout" or how the hell anyone is supposed to believe that Freddy Prinze Jr. can 1, throw that fast or 2, land Jessica Biel on his best day. Summer Catch my ass.

Also, how did Brad Penny land that? He definitely didn't impress her with his pitching skills. At first the portly bastard was serviceable, but now he's starting to lose that initial fat guy swagger he arrived here with. At leas we have Smoltz starting tonight against the first place Yanks??? Oh man.