Paging Soul Asylum

Runaway Train anyone? Thank you 1990's grunge, and thank you Texas Rangers for stealing 9 (nine, as in the number after 8, before 10) bases SO FAR in the game tonight. 5 in one inning. At Fenway. Are you f*cking kidding me? I know it's Wake pitching and V-Mart's arm is making Johnny Damon's look like a .22 caliber rifle, but come f*cking on?!?! Do you know what 9 stolen bases looks like in the scorer's box? Like this:

SB - E Andrus 3 (4, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez, 3rd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez), V Guerrero 2 (3, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez, 3rd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez), N Cruz 3 (3, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez, 3rd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez), J Borbon (2, 2nd base off T Wakefield/V Martinez).

Also, Ortiz .146, JD Drew .137. Ellsbury and Cameron to the DL. I do believe a beer or 12 are in order right now.

Maybe we need to be more Evil

Maybe the front office needs to take a lesson from Dr. Evil and be just that. Evil. Evil in this case means giving Saint Lowell the heave-ho and freeing up whatever space needed, be it Jacoby exiting stage left or something else, then they can evily sign Captain Pastey (Bay) to a back-loaded evil contract and show those jerks in NY what Evil Empire really means. Someone has to put on their big boy evil pants because right now the only upgrade I'm seeing offensively on this team is Scoots at SS and that's just more of a default upgrade because we're assuming he'll be the only guy suiting up there instead of the 12 or so guys that passed through there last year. Yes a full year of V-Mart in place of Tek and the addition of Lackey will help but I think that there is still a piece missing. An evil piece.

Attention V-Mart Shoppers

V-Mart hours have officially been extended through 2010. Our sister store, V-tek, has been temporarily shut down and may only open its doors on odd days when I'm hungover and don't feel like getting out of bed, but we're not even sure if he'll be around that much.

Also, stop by to see my buddy Timmy "I'm not that old" Wakefield for another two years!! That's right folks, here at V-mart we give you two years of Wake, 1 year of Victor and a whoooooooooole lot of savings. Was that Rich Harden that just walked by? I'll see you folks later, I have to go sell that man on a job in Boston.

One shot one kill

That shot of V-mart doesn't look very dangerous, but the guy's a freakin menace. He came in last night, bases juiced, game in limbo and delivered a 3 RBI double on the first pitch he saw that put the Sox ahead of a somewhat pesky O's team. I also refuse to even talk about B-Wags in case my world famous jinx works its' magic.

And why the hell can't the Rangers or Yankees lose? If you're still looking at the AL East, well then sir/madam you are a better person than I, or at least have done a lot more mind altering drugs in the last 2 months, but that Wild Card thing needs to happen and the Rangers are constantly giving out beatings to every team that crosses their paths. I don't know what happened to my vow to not watch baseball for a while.

It ain't Papi and Manny

But V-mart and Jay-Bay are fine by me. Watching the game last night I heard V-Mart was given an off day but would be available for pinch hitting. That's more or less a nice way of saying to Tek "We'll give you a few ABs. If you scorch em, maybe we'll let you go the whole game, but I wouldn't count on it." And that's what happened. Then Mr. Bay let one ride over that big green wall thing in left and two countries rejoiced at once. At least I assume Canada rejoices when he goes bridge. However people, there is bigger news on the Sox front right now and I ain't talkin' Wagner.

Tonight, my friend and yours, Timmy Wake comes back from his annual fishing trip/DL stint. Remember him? The old guy that purposely throws mid 70's and gets away with it. He's been out over a month and left with that 11-3 record that was best in the majors at the time. This could be a whole new Wake though because now rather than having Pasta Pants (Douggie) or Georgey catching for him and dragging down the lineup, Tito gets to put V-mart in there who in just about everyone's opinion is the starting catcher you want in there every night right now. So Wake brings us a W tonight and maybe somehow both Texas and NY lose so the Sox gain ground in both the WC and the division. It's happened before.

Wild Card Bitches

If you're not watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadephia" well it's about high time you start. New season starts soon too.

Enough about my questionable TV viewing habits though. I'm sick of this on again off again crap fest that the Sox are playing like right now. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Sh*tshow. I blame all of this on not going for the sweep against the Tigers. They win that game, go rolling into Texas and take 2 out of 3 there at worst with that mojo express rolling Nolan Ryan and his punk-ass Rangers right out of town. However, that didn't happen and they were lucky to come away with just one win and now more of this damn wild card talk will be everywhere around us for weeks to come. Not that the WC hasn't rewarded the Sox in the past, but it's not the way they want to finish it up I'm sure.

Also, if you're a Sox player, how much must it suck to see V-Mart come in and tear the cover off the ball while apparently shooting up Red Bull directly into his heart and the rest of the team sits by twiddling their thumbs waiting for something to happen. Everyone, take a cue from Victah, it's time to man up and get this sh*t done.

End pissing and moaning.

THEIF, THEIF!!!

Every friggin' second you turned around last night the rangers were running on 'Tek like a fat kid chasing a cheese burger. 8 stolen bases. What the f*ck? Half the time it seemed like 'Tek didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of even getting the umpire to bother signaling that the guy was safe his throws were so far behind. To get an idea of how much the Rangers ran last night, besides Kinsler's 2nd inning bridge shot, the Rangers had only one extra base hit the whole night. Single, steal second, advance to 3rd, get him home. The Sox got small balled to death last night and they had no answer for it. Positives of the night? V-mart and Jay Bay kept smashing the ball, but solo shots don't do much with no one on base. Tough one to watch for sure.

It's a lot to ask of Junky to step up today and get out of Texas with a series win, but that is what is asked of him today. My guess, V-mart is behind the plate today so there isn't another marathon on the bases. My other guess is that Drew is out... again and there's a right fielder that very few of us have heard of or care to have in the lineup.