Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hollywood, hear our call!


Not to be a jerk or nothing, but Hollywood needs The Cheese. There is no doubt we love baseball movies. I've seen "The Rookie" 18 times, and I'm referring to the Charlie Sheen cop movie, not the Dennis Quaid baseball movie. I watch it just in case those fat cats over at TBS decide to switch things up in the middle and give me some Jimmy Morris like I asked for. As proven movie aficionados, here are some ideas of how to spruce up your regular baseball movies, and give the movie-loving public something they deserve...

Summer Catch & Release - Starring Freddie "fast pitch noise" Prinze and Jessica Biel. Freddie quickly throws his arm out in the majors (it was pretty clear seeing as Griffey hit one out off him in the movie) and Freddie is now destined to return to the Cape and become a fisherman. Thing is, he's a horrible fisherman because everything he catches, he throws back into the ocean. Hence the "release" part of the movie. We figure putting Freddie back on the Cape and on a boat gives Jessica Biel plenty of time to be in a bikini and eventually find out her true love is a jerkass blogger located in southern NH.

Diehard: The Fan - Bruce Willis reprises his role as John McClane. The movie opens with McClane slumped over his tattered recliner in his living room and once the camera pans towards the front of him we see a Mets hat and jersey. McClane is not happy, his Mets are cellar-dwellers again, and he's determined to get revenge. Our hero goes on a tear, charges into Omar Minaya's office (he's a cop, he can do that) only to find out that Omar is dead and the Mets are being run by terrorists. 2 hours and 18 explosions later, the Mets still suck.

A League of Their Own 2: Back to the Kitchen - In a blatantly sexist spin on the original movie, Dottie Henson and her friends from the ballfield return back to the domestic grind of a 1950's post-war household. In an ironic twist, Madonna pumps out 9 of her own kids who start the first all-infant baseball team. (Thanks to Cheese-reader John for this suggestion)

Rookie of the Fear - This will be the first movie in what expects to be dozens of baseball/horror movies coming out in the next year. Henry Rowengardner breaks his arm but then a bone chips off and clogs some artery in his arm or something and he dies. Rather than die easy, he haunts the Cubs (as if they needed more help) by living in the ivy and continues to haunt Cubs fans until they stop throwing stuff at visiting outfielders. Steve Bartman also has a small role in the movie as a baseball.

And some quickies...
Mr.3000 : The Sequel – Can’t cast Bernie Mac for obvious reasons, so instead they completely change the plot of the movie, instead of hits… 3000 walks. Bring your pillow.

The Unnatural – Roy Hobbs. On steroids. Except the only person who knows he’s juicing is his coach. Who’s also his supplier. All goes to hell when the league does an investigation and releases the Hobbs Report.

Little Big Horn League – First war/ baseball movie ever. You thought getting on base was tough, try getting to second base with a bunch of raging Indians in your way. John Kruk plays General Custer.

The Sandy Lot - a group of kids who play pick up baseball while parking cars at a beach down the Cape.

Field of Wet Dreams - Its like field of dreams but with WAAAAY more nudity. If you build it, they will "come." (Thanks to Cheese-reader Steve K. for this suggestion)

Damn Yankees - a documentary of Steve and I watching a Sox/Yanks game and swearing for 3.5 hours straight.

There's Something About Larry- Along the lines of "There's something About Mary", except that its a documentary about Larry Bird co-starring Jessica Biel who plays a reformed stripper/model/hot chick who eventually finds out that her true love is a jerkass blogger located in southern NH.

Back to the Ventura - Robin Ventura makes a time machine out of one of the old bullpen cars then travels back in time to prevent the 2009 Red Sox from ever signing John Smoltz. Feel good movie of the year.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim California Burbank Compton Rodeo Drive Hollywood in the Outfield – Kids try to decide on a new name for the Angels.

Hell's Angels in the Outfield - Tony Danza tries playing baseball but gets violently beaten by an unruly motorcycle gang. (Thanks to Cheese-reader Steve K. for this suggestion)

Good News Bears - A baseball team that preaches the followings of the Lord. Billy Bob Thorton makes a cameo as the devil.

Eight Men Out of the Closet - The inspiring tale of the first openly gay baseball team, the 2004 New York Yankees.(Thanks to Cheese-reader John for this suggestion)

Dirty Work - Starring Dustin Pedroia and Norm MacDonald. Norm does his normal thing while Dustin just slides around everywhere getting dirty and yelling at people.

(we'll be adding more Hollywood ideas as we go along, so be sure to stay updated by clicking Henry's face on the right side bar. And if you're a Hollywood producer looking to turn our ideas into a real movie, you probably shouldn't be a Hollywood producer.)

28 comments:

redsoxfandave said...

Add to "Hell's Angels in the Outfield" the fact that the motorcycle gang beats up Danza because he has the worst throwing motion ever in history.

Anonymous said...

educatedcheese.blogspot.com is very informative. The article is very professionally written. I enjoy reading educatedcheese.blogspot.com every day.
payday loan bc
online payday loans

Dan said...

A humble suggestion:

Seoul of the Game - a "mockumentary" in which Ken Burns discovers that Koreans mistakenly placed in Japanese internment camps during World War II (because all "orientals" looked the same to FDR) were barred from playing in the intra-camp baseball league on account of their "Korean-ness." In the film, he questions the stats of many internment camp greats because they never faced Hong Il Son on the mound.

Anonymous said...

Hi, all the time i used to check blog posts here in the early
hours in the daylight, since i like to find out more
and more.

My website ... visit

Anonymous said...

Having read this I thought it was really enlightening.
I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this content together.
I once again find myself spending way too much time both reading and
posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!


My blog ... College Orgies

Anonymous said...

There's definately a lot to learn about this issue. I really like all of the points you've made.


Also visit my web blog ... http://pornharvest.com/index.php?q=nubiles+alma&f=a&p=s

Anonymous said...

This post is really a fastidious one it helps new
net viewers, who are wishing in favor of blogging.

my web page - or Young Orgies

Anonymous said...

Hi there, just wanted to say, I liked this blog post.

It was funny. Keep on posting!

Feel free to visit my blog post - http://hotmilf.ws/index.php?own=2253459

Anonymous said...

Wow, fantastic blog layout! How long have you been blogging
for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is great, let alone the content!


Also visit my web-site - visit the ... This is a beautiful photo with very good lighting :) Feel free to surf to my website -

Anonymous said...

I'm curious to find out what blog platform you have been using? I'm experiencing some minor security issues with
my latest site and I'd like to find something more secure. Do you have any suggestions?

Feel free to visit my homepage - awakened by an angel

Anonymous said...

Thanks for any other informative web site. The place else may I get that type of info written in such a perfect method?
I've a undertaking that I'm just now working on, and
I have been at the look out for such information.


Feel free to surf to my page; a adult videos

Anonymous said...

It's actually a cool and helpful piece of info. I am happy that you simply shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

Look into my site :: http://pornharvest.com/index.php?m=2189901

Anonymous said...

I feel that is one of the so much vital information for me.
And i'm happy studying your article. However want to commentary on some common issues, The web site style is ideal, the articles is in point of fact nice : D. Excellent activity, cheers

My homepage; posing in the night

Anonymous said...

It's difficult to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you're talking about!
Thanks

Stop by my page: http://pornharvest.com/index.php?m=2084041

Anonymous said...

Heya! I'm at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the great work!

Here is my web site - click here

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.

Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?


Have a look at my site ... http://pornharvest.com/index.php?q=nubiles+sara&f=a&p=s

Anonymous said...

Hi, i think that i saw you visited my web
site so i came to “return the favor”.I'm attempting to find things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

Stop by my blog Blow jobs video free

Anonymous said...

Please let me know if you're looking for a article author for your weblog. You have some really good posts and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back
to mine. Please shoot me an e-mail if interested. Thanks!


My weblog :: rilee gets naughty Outdoors

Anonymous said...

Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend
your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog website?
The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea

My site ... Pornharvest.Com/Index.Php?Q=Free+Webcam+To+Webcam+Porn&F=A&P=A

Anonymous said...

I every time emailed this web site post page to all my contacts, for the reason that
if like to read it after that my friends will too.


My site: http://www.ishisha.de//index.php//index.php//index.php/index.php?page=User&userID=5512

Anonymous said...

whoah this weblog is wonderful i like reading
your articles. Keep up the great work! You realize, many people
are hunting around for this information, you could help them greatly.


My homepage; in adult videos

Anonymous said...

Thanks on your marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it,
you could be a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back
in the future. I want to encourage continue your great work, have a nice holiday weekend!


my homepage ... made my day

Anonymous said...

Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this
post i thought i could also make comment due
to this sensible paragraph.

Feel free to surf to my web site ... just click the up coming website

Anonymous said...

I pay a visit daily a few web pages and information sites to read content, but this webpage presents quality based posts.


Review my webpage; glossy babe showing off her perfect titties and sexy ass - pornharvest.com

Anonymous said...

Great blog here! Also your site loads up very fast!
What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your
host? I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

Look at my homepage ... top article

Anonymous said...

Definitely believe that that you stated. Your favorite
reason seemed to be on the net the simplest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I definitely get irked even as people consider worries that they plainly don't recognize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and also outlined out the whole thing with no need side-effects , folks could take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

my site - click here

Anonymous said...

Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I
was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website?
I'm getting tired of Wordpress because I've had issues with hackers and I'm looking at options for another platform. I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

My web blog; http://www.myrtlebeachteetimesnow.com/member/141909

Anonymous said...

My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your
post's to be precisely what I'm looking for.
can you offer guest writers to write content for you personally?
I wouldn't mind creating a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome blog!

Also visit my website; 4/13/2013 2:31 AM