Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Thank You 2010

Down by 3 to the lowly Orioles with whatever lethargic robot that is representing Josh Beckett on the mound after losing 2 out of 3 games that were all given the magic title of "must win" really makes someone question their sanity. It's getting to that point. That point where no matter how much positive mojo I want to throw at The Sox it doesn't seem to matter. Too many injuries, too many different guys starting in center field and too few pitchers in the bullpen that can actually pitch.

I said it before, all there is left to do is to go down in the biggest ball of fiery flames that a team can possibly go down in. Don't give away the series to the Yanks. Make them work for the division. Get into one of those quaint "stress relieving" brawls with a team that deserves it, like the O's or Jays. Give us, the fans, some sign that there is still life in this team and there will be a reason to turn on NESN next April besides constantly checking for a new episode of "Hot Shorts with Heidi". I'll take any of those. Preferably numbers 2 and 4.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Show's Over

That annoying voice inside my head telling me that The Sox can win 2/3 of their games this weekend has since shut the f*ck up. Coincidentally, another voice (there are quite a few in there) that used to speak about playoff hopes and was constantly chanting "2004 4-eva" has been replaced by what sounds like the mix between a sick cow and a 12 year old girl crying. From what I can tell that voice has also poked its' eyes out and refuses to watch anymore games this year.

So, what went wrong last night? Let's ask John Lackey.

"Probably threw the ball as good as I've thrown the ball in years."

You don't say? This is pretty similar this comment he made after getting smacked around:

"I threw some of my best stuff all year. They just hit pitches they weren't supposed to."

Just because you didn't think they were supposed to hit those pitches doesn't mean they didn't want to, or weren't supposed to. Lacks has a problem with manning up and saying "I sucked tonight". Sure, everyone has a problem saying that, but if the guy just happens to have his best stuff every time he gets lit up then 2015 is a hell of a long way off. My prediction is he makes some amazing starts the rest of the year to make his numbers look respectable, and then everyone is left to argue about how you have to look at the entire year not just a snapshot. They'll be arguing while I'm gouging my eyes out.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Evil Genius or Incompetent Boob

I'm kidding. Catchy titles sell, and we're all about selling newspapers, er blogs, here people. Anyways, you can't blame that one on Teets. It's much easier to go with the obvious and blame this one on JD, even if nothing was his fault. Well, nothing was his fault except that whole catching a pop fly in foul territory and having no chance of throwing the lone run of the game out at the plate because he was practically in the stands. Oh yes. That. Drop or not to drop? He drops it and then Joyce hit's a HR on the next pitch and Drew is even more of a chooch than we see him as now. I don't stick up for the guy much, but I think you make that catch just about every time. Extra innings and it's tied then yeah, you drop it, but 7th inning up by 1, you catch the stupid thing.

And the see-saw continues to see and saw and see again. 5.5 to 4.5 back to 5.5. Friday night was the height of awesomeness, while Saturday night was the low of lowliness. Friday was spending "quality time" with Heidi, Saturday was getting sh*t faced and mistakenly hooking up with Helga. Sunday? Well, Lackey is on the mound for yet another "most important start of his Sox career", so no pressure Lacks.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

As We Inch Closer, These Are the Days...

These are the days of our lives? Not exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking more along the lines of how nice it is to watch the worlds align: The Sox beating the Rays, The Yanks getting taint-slapped by the "other white meat" Sox and that frigging 6 game deficit finally getting chopped down to 4.5. It's fun to watch.

4.5 games is still a big tree to chop down, but with Buchs on the hill tonight and the team hopefully riding high on the mojo that V-mart was letting fly last night that 4.5 games could turn into 3.5 and then, well then it goes from there. The final two games of this series are big. The kind of big that makes me not want to watch the game because I think I'll jinx them by being too nervous in front of the TV. D.O. will sense my fear, he'll tell Remy who will obviously channel the nervous vibes down to the dugout and all of a sudden my phone rings and it's Teets from the dugout telling me to change the channel. I can't deal with that. I need to find something to do today. Sorry teets.

Oh look, something to do. Find more pictures of Clay's girlfriend. Sweet.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Oppurtunity Wasted

Sure, a split isn't the worst thing in the world but with the Yanks and Rays both losing yesterday it would have been nice to bring the Mariners back out to the woodshed twice in one day and make up a little ground here before it's too late. It's little things like that (you know, not beating sh*tty teams) that may just keep this team out of the playoffs. Carpe The Diem here guys. Seize the f*ck out of that diem for Christ sakes. Get the diem. Just get it.

It's almost September. It seems like the whole season The Sox have been 5 1/2 or 6 games back. At the start of August it seemed do-able. 40 games to play, only need 6 games, sure why not? Now it's the end of August and it's still 5 1/2 games. We need sweeps and chokes and some well timed injuries to other teams for a change and maybe that will help this team make it all the way back but even then. 5 1/2 games? F*ck.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Statue for Bud

In the immoral words of Rocky Balboa, "Now the pigeons will always have a place to sit". We all know the statue should have been made to look like this, or like this. You have to honor the man that brought you the stadium that brought you the sausage race.

Yanks win, Rays win, Damon isn't coming back, what a shitty day and The Sox didn't even play.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I'll Take 10 More of Those Please

Sox win. Yanks lose. More importantly, Lackey shows that he actually belongs on the field and not huddled on the ground of the dugout cleaning up sunflowers and wads of gum while Marco Scutaro rides him like some unruly "buro". Sure, it was only the Mariners, but teams like that with opposing pitches named Doug Fister makes for a must win game for The Sox.

As September comes creeping time is running out for the boys to win a few in a row here and there's only one way to do that: by grabbing Johnny Damon off waivers. That makes no sense at all, I know, but starting Marco Scutaro makes no sense. Bill Hall hitting 20 HRs in a year makes no sense. This team makes no sense! It all makes perfect sense! Bring back the beard!

Monday, August 23, 2010

At This Point I'll Take Anyone

Damon, Manny, f*ck if Tom Brunansky was placed on waivers and available I'd take that slack-jawed bastard just to get some juice back into this team because lately if Clay ain't pitching, this team ain't winning. You have to admit, Manny or Damon comes back and that ups the 2010 mojo level up to some kind of "Neverending Story"2004 mystical shit level.

Bring back the beard!!! But he shouldn't wrestle.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Jed Lowrie is Sick...

Sick of not hitting walk off home runs that is! Thanks to Lowrie and starting second baseman Yamaico Navarro The Sox pulled another one out of their asses and somehow kept the hopes of the season alive. Sure Yamaico didn't have any hits, runs or RBIs, but he did show up and I'm guessing Teets gave him a sweet nickname like "Yammy" or "Navvy" which surely powered The Sox through the later innings and eventually to victory.

Rays win. Yanks win. Ground gained = 0. Sure a win is great but we really need these other chooches to drop a few and make this dream of making the playoffs more of a reality. So yes, there still is a chance.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Well Kick Me in the Pills and Call Me Julie

Pedroia. Back. To. The. DL. F*CK. Jon Lester got absolutely spanked last night and Pedroia is out for two more weeks, but if we're being honest here, it could be the rest of the season. The Sox are 5.5 out of the WC and 6.5 behind the jerkasses from NY. This is not a good day in Red Sox Land folks. Keep the positive thoughts flowing and let's see what this weekend brings. That's all I can muster up right now.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I Remember...

I remember when a Josh Beckett start meant you were about to see some serious ass kicking served up with a side of snarling sh*t talking and when you turn your head for a second *Boom* your sister was magically pregnant. That's what a Josh Beckett start used to mean to me. Now it's more like you're watching this often injured jerkass give you 4 or 5 good innings then run into the showers to lay some pipe to your mother's daughter but instead he comes out all dejected because she doesn't like sissy boys, then *Boom* 5 runs come across the plate.

Both *Booms* have some sort of effect on the way you think of Josh the next morning, but I'd rather be an uncle again instead of having this sick feeling that no matter how close this team gets this year the two highest paid starting pitchers just aren't going to be able to step up and give them a stop or a start when they need it. No sir, you've got about 4-5 people on this team that I trust with the ball in their hand right now and sadly Josh Beckett just isn't one of them.

I hate to get all statty this early in the morning, but quickly looking at this team 3/4 of the way through the season is surprising as hell. As of right now the Red Sox rank in the top 3 teams in the entire MLB in the following categories: Runs, Hits, HRs, 2B, RBIs, OBP and slugging. Sooo, all the offensive ones, and that's with guys like Bill Hall, D-Mac and Daniel Nava roaming the OF for the majority of the year. Remember back in March when we were worried about the offense but there was always the pitching to fall back on? Yeah. Me either.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

John Lackey, I'm Quitting You

As far as I can remember I've always approved of the signing of Lackey. He was the best free agent pitcher on the market at the time, The Sox wanted to solidify their starting 5 for a few years and they had to make a splash during what turned out to be an otherwise eye gougingly boring off-season. They sold it well and they made it make sense to me, and maybe to you. Man did they fool me. What happened to that screaming angry son of a bitch that brought the pain and scared the taints right off opposing batters? I mean the weather here has been warm enough this year to remind you of So. Cal so that shouldn't be an issue. Do you miss your precious rally monkey? Jumping around like a God damn idiot flinging poop at the cameraman the second they pan off him. Is Wally not good enough for you? Is that what it is? He doesn't throw enough poop for ya, tough guy? Huh? I'm talking/slurring at you Lackey!?! Watching Mumbles Jr. take the hill lately is nearly as frustrating as watching Daisuke, except by some amazing feat Daisuke actually has a lower WHIP and ERA than sissy boy pictured above there. As per the usual, I turn my back on you, flailing Red Sox, star in hopes that this anti-jinx will light a fire under your sluggish ass and you will return to form when the team needs you.

I realize the negativity of it all. The Sox won so I should be in a good mood but of course Tampa and NY won too so no ground is gained and right now it's all about ground. One more against the Halo's tonight and I just hope Beckett shows up so I'm not writing another anti-jinx spot again tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Just a Tuesday Night

What did you do last night? If you're Clay Buchholz then you scattered 5 hits (wicked baseball term) over 7 innings, gave up no runs, presumably stole zero laptops and then got to go home to THAT. I can't even fathom the mojo that she brings into Clay's life but whatever she's bringing this year it is working pretty damn well. I bet she's a great cook. Yup. That's probably what it is. Great cook... and that tan line. A little bit of both.

For those of you super connected into the wide world of internets, The Cheese has a Twitter. I still don't know exactly what it is, but over on the left hand side there it reminds me of what I was thinking 20 minutes ago. I'm thinking it will be good for grocery lists and reminding myself where I put my keys. Look forward to TONS of relevant Tweets. Or Twits. Twites?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm Back... Possibly in Black

I'll admit it. This year I (we/The Cheese) have backed down. We crawled into our "bridge year" hole and didn't want to see the light of day. The injuries, the heart breaking losses, 'fun prevention', the signing of Marco Scutaro; my heart just hasn't been in it for a good portion of this season. However this morning I looked up and saw that The Yanks and The Rays were tied atop the AL East and Wild Card Standings and just 5.5 games ahead of The Sox. By my count there are 43 games left which is a little more than one-quarter of a season. The Sox play TB and NY a total of 12 more times with 6 of their last 10 games of the year being against the Spanks. Plenty of room to move some games around and shift some October golf plans back another month.

Tonight Dustin Pedroia is back in the lineup on what everyone knows isn't a fully healed foot. I take this as a sign. Stars are starting to align. A NY and TB slump (they play each other 6 times still) combined with Josh Beckett taking his own head and John Lackey's out of their collective asses and the return of the worlds biggest spark plug (aka Pedroia, he's gotta the worlds biggest something) could lead to some pretty serious happenings around here. Vegas and the rest of the gambling world has the odds against the Sox even making the playoffs. I know this isn't 2004 but God damnit this last month of the season could finally be something to rally around here. I'm in! Fire up the Rocky music and someone find the janitor from Rudy because I want to be so motivated that I got this sh*t pouring out my nose. Tonight, it starts.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I'm Going to be Sick

That just about sums up the last few games. It's like a competition to see who can blow a game and when the ball is handed to Wake late in a game I have this nasty 2003 acid reflux going on in my stomach. There are 40-something games left but there might as well be 4. The way they've lost the few make me wish there were only 4. Besides that, I'm kind of at a lose for words. I'm more in a "screaming at things" mode. "Hey Wall! F*CK OFF!!!"

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Go Down Swinging

I'm going to keep with my "they're already dead" theme. Why? Because it works. The Sox know if I am not giving them all my love and support that they need to kick some ass to get me back on their side. (If only my opinion mattered that much).

Right now you can't think of standings you just have to think of handing out as many taints as the schedule will allow for. Last night was a good start. Go into NY, have one of the young guys go bridge (hopefully something Kalish makes a habit of), have Ortiz go bridge and let the best pitcher on the team right now keep the bad guys in check for 8 innings.

It's a good start which could lead to a great series so now we look to the new guy to keep the mojo flowing. Seems that Lackey has had some pretty important starts with regards to 'keeping the mojo flowing' this year but now is the time to bring it. Personally, I'd like to see some angry Lackey. Preferably the good "pissed off f*ck you while I take your mother out to a steak dinner" angry, but if things go south I'd like to see him blow off some steam and show the rest of the team that there is in fact something going on here worth caring about. Mr. Lackey, the Goonies are waiting on One-Eyed Willie's ship. Please go help them.

Oh, that image up there, that's the good luck picture for the week. Arod is going to be looking for some man ass to comfort him after this weekend of beatings.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Season = Over

Stop it. Wake up. It's over. It's not like I'm the only one thinking this sh*t. Youk is out for the season with a bum thumb. By my count there are 2 other position players on this team that haven't gone on the DL: Scoots and Drew. By my count there are 2 position players that I kind of hope wake up with their testicles super glued to their thighs: Scoots and Drew. If that dynamic duo being the only two NOT to get banged up this year isn't a sign that some greater power was acting against The Sox this year, then I don't know what is.

While I may not think this team is going to go anywhere past mid-late September, I do know what they need to do right now and that's go down in a greasy flaming ball of fire taking as many blood sucking AL East teams with them as they can. Yankees, (Devil) Rays, I'm looking at you. Watch your backs. All of yous.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Mike Lowell is a Good Guy

Youk to the DL (to be fair he's one of the only 2 guys not to be there yet) and Lowell gets promoted to The Bigs. In true Mike "F*ck you for keeping me down" Lowell fashion, the dude put the first pitch he sees over Tha Monsta. Wicked pissah dude. As for Youk to the DL though? Come on?!? My belief is that there is someone that pulls the strings of all the teams in the MLB and obviously that person wants no part of a team featuring Marco Scutaro to make it anywhere this year. With all the injuries (the count is at 74) this team could have actually competed... but the strings keep getting pulled. Damn you strings. Damn your stringyness.

As for our updates, or lack thereof lately, well sometimes life gets real and gets in the way of our love of Sox and bloggy goodness. We're here and somewhat alive and we'll try to give this whole "posting more than once a month" thing a try. Not that we're really missing any good baseball as the Sox just kind of complacently lament (I don't know what either of those words mean) in the middle of the AL East, but we will try.