Monday, November 30, 2009

No Thank you New Orleans

Or is it New Or'lins? Car-a-mel. Ok, now that we've got that figured out it's time for the Pats to beat another undefeated team this week as long as Billy Boy doesn't trip over his own two feet again. What's the over/under on how many times that 4th and 2 BS gets brought up tonight on MNF? I'm gonna say 8 times and I'll take the over on that one.

On the Sox front, well, right now there is no front. Half The Nation is going to be upset if the Sox don't land Halladay, and the other half (me included) is going to be upset if they don't make a push for a bat. Let someone else sign Harry (Halladay) to $20mil + per year. That's some serious cheese for someone technically in their mid-30's, and even more serious cheese for someone with the name Harry. Besides Potter and Crumb, what other good Harrys are there?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I'm slow at the internet

Somehow this absolute gem has been on the interweb for more than 5 days and I am just experiencing this now. For those slow on the uptake, this has absolutely nothing to do with baseball, the Red Sox, Roy Halladay or even Heidi Watney. Spend the next 5 minutes of your life in a little bit of Muppet Heaven.

No turkey magic this year

Or if Theo was out working the drumsticks on Thursday then we just don't know about it yet. Some are saying that Scutaro is destined to end up in Boston, to which I say "f*&k". I don't have anything really against the guy, it's just that I spent a lot of time writing up that whole trade piece the other day and don't want it to totally go to waste. Shortstop this year is just a small piece of the puzzle anyway.

How about this. CBS Sports is saying the Brewers should get ready to deal Prince Fielder. Oh the possibilities...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thank you Thanksgiving morning

Thanksgiving is like beer, you can't really start early in the morning unless you want to be passed out and heaving come mid-afternoon. So because I have some time to kill this morning, I'm going to go all baseball on you here and take a look at what the Sox are, or have been rumored, to be looking to do this off-season. Now these explanations aren't exactly full of sound reasoning or even semi-sound reasoning, they're just full of whatever falls out of my head onto the keyboard.

Harry "Roy" Halladay - Rumors have it the Sox are going to have to give up Clay Buchholz and highly touted (baseball term) Casey Kelly AND possibly one more prospect to get a piece of Halladay this year and this would just be a "rental" year for the Sox as Halladay becomes a free agent at the end of 2010. He'll be 34 this May and looking for something like $20 Mil a year for at least 4 years which means he would be pitching for the Sox when he turns 38. Giving up Buchholz and Kelly for one year and negotiating rights to Halladay seems steep to me. Not to mention the Sox have other glaring holes to fill besides starting pitching. (read as: they need a bat)

Marco Scutaro - At some point the Sox need to address the SS problem but Marco is not the best answer. He's 34 (I guess everyone on the Blue Jays is) and has been in a full time position for 6 years and last year was the best year of his career. 34 year olds rarely get better with age and the Sox will be overpaying for him no matter what they pay because he's a Type-A free agent which means they'll be losing a pick if they do sign him. (Although with Bay and Wagner signing elsewhere they would get those picks) The Sox also have Jose Iglesias, aka the next SS savior, in the minors right now, so they don't want to lock up anyone to block him out in the next two years.

John Lackey - Ok, don't stop reading just yet. Lackey has been injured, yes, but he's also only 30 years old and has a lot less innings on his arm than Halladay. He'll come relatively cheaper (maybe in the $16-17 Mil range compared to $20) and you're getting more prime years than you are with Halladay. He is no Halladay and I'm not saying he is, but he may fit in the puzzle.

Miguel Cabrera - Ok, don't stop reading just yet. Sounds familiar. Miggy is a nut, no doubt about that. He got hammered the night before an incredibly important game last year, he harassed a fat kid at a hotel and he's got a huge contract to boot. Something you probably don't know about him: since 2004 he's played no LESS than 157 games a season. While he seems like a Manny type headcase, the guy shows up and plays. His contract could be crippling (signed through 2015 with roughly $118Mil remaining or an avg of $19/year) kind of like Manny, but he's 26 and all signs say he's not going to stop hitting any time soon. If the Sox are going to deal away guys like Buchholz and Kelly, they should consider getting a bat like Cabrera's in return. Detroit is looking to cut salary which in coded baseball terms means "we need to get rid of the guy that we're paying $20 Mil per season and fill that hole with less expensive options".

Here is how it should work. (I'll put a little salary explanation at the end so don't worry when you're reading it.) Sox should pass on Halladay. The Yankees don't have (says I the baseball professional) the prospects to land him so no one has to panic that the Yankees are going to pull a Tex and shove him down our throats. Sign Lackey to a 4-5 year deal worth $16-17 a year, so $70-85 Mil total. Trade Buchs and Kelly to Detroit for Cabrera. Detroit will take the trade to get rid of Miggy's giant contract. As for the OF, chances are if they sign Lackey they're not going to go after Bay/Holliday for the ridiculous numbers they are asking, they have Hermida already, so have him and Jermaine Dye, X-Nady or a slew of other affordable free agents platoon with Hermida.

Last year the Sox were at around $122 Mil for a total payroll (give or take incentives and such). This year Bay ($8 Mil), Wanger($10), A-Gon ($5) and a few others come off the payroll so they're looking at around $100 to start. Add in $17 for Lackey, $19 for Cabrera and you're looking at $136. If they can deal Lowell and half his salary, it goes to $130. After finding a suitable OF and SS it's probably at $140, but look at the potential lineup and starters.

CF - Ellsbury
2B - Pedroia
C - Martinez
1B - Cabrera
3B - Youk
DH - Ortiz
RF - Drew
LF - Hermida/FA

1. Lester
2. Beckett
3. Lackey
4. Matsuzaka
5. Wake/Harden/Duchscherer

Obviously all this depends on lots of things, but it's not my money so it works for me. Next year Beckett, Lowell and Ortiz are free agents so has to be the year to make another push for a ring. And THAT is what I'm thinking this morning. Bring on the turkey.

Free t-shirt to anyone that actually read this far.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Merry Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you all have as much to be thankful for as I do.

Not to tempt fate, but I would be even more thankful if Theo was working on a way to get Miguel Cabrera and John Lackey in a Sox uni come February. Maybe that's more of a Christmas list thing.

Regardless, have a good day, eat lots of turkey and try to enjoy the Lions game.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

And now for the trade rumor part of our program

Who, or what, exactly is an "industry source"?

The Red Sox are making a push to obtain Toronto ace Roy Halladay before the start of baseball’s winter meetings Dec. 7, according to industry sources.

Great, who said that? Aparently Peter Abraham of the Boston Globe either knows an industry source, or is wasting his time writing an article based on something out of a New York newspaper... which sites and industry source. Stories like this get everyone on the radio all fired up which then gets the suits (that's right, I'm bad) on the nightly news talking baseball and saying something stupid like how much they miss Curt Schilling which then makes us all want to start weilding guns to insure things like this don't keep happening. It's like that scene in Stand By Me when Lardass pukes at the pie eating contest, then someone else does, so on and so forth until the sight and sound of someone throwing up in front of you doesn't even bother you anymore. That's what trade rumors are right now: Vomit.

However, it would be foolish not to speculate on this blueberry pie mess, sooooo. Do you give up Bucholz and Casey Kelley for one year of, and negotiating rights to a 33 (in May) year old, Halladay? Or do you go the Yankee route, sign Lackey (31, not sure what his age is in May) who has less miles (innings) on him and let someone else sign Halladay til he's 38 years old? Oh Theo, what will you do and where are you eating Thanksgiving this year?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Matt Bonner lightin' it up.

Matt Bonner, aka the Brian Scalabrine of the South, aka The Red Rocket, aka a local boy from Concord, NH went OFF last night against the The Bucks to the tune of a lifetime (maybe) high 23 points on an awkward 23 points including an even more awkward 6-8 in the 3 point department. Now I'm no graceful artist on the court, but Matt Bonner looks like he's doing squat thrusts behind the arc and then surprises everyone by slowing launching the ball towards the basket. Seeing as since this guy retired no one feels like guarding white guys beyond the arc, he had plenty of chances to work the quads and get some dude sweat going, 3 points at a time, and he did.

Mauer For Mayor

The first thing Joe Mauer thought when he won the AL MVP? How do my sideburns look? The second, and in this non-90210 obsessed world, more important thing? Cha-ching$$!! Minnesota is going to have to make a Mayoral sized commitment to Mr. Mauer if they want to have a chance of watching him compete for another MVP in 2011. Every team under the sun has been rumored to say they will give up most of their farm system to get their mitts on Mauer and since Minnesota didn't exactly get a good haul for Santana and let Torii (stupid two "i"s) Hunter slip away, there's a good chance they're going to wrap him up big time. We can only hope the Twins can play the part of the Mariners and the Sox can offer up another Heathcliff Slocumb type deal and maybe persuade Joe to come to Boston. Oh we can only hope.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Win the Cy Young, get an All-Star game 3 years later

Kansas City has to be pretty happy with the way all things baseball are going in their town. Well, besides the whole losing seasons for what seems like 20 years and some of their top prospects not really panning out but they did however just watch one of their young guns take home the Cy Young and with that apparently comes an invitation to host the 2012 All Star game.

Most of us have never had the experience of seeing a game at Kauffman Stadium, but if you're ever driving down I-70 you can actually get a decent view of it from the road. Now I'm sure the fountains, the giant crown in center field and the nearly complete lack of bleacher seats is quite the attractive set of features, but when a city of a losing team hosts the AS game it always seems to be missing something. Of course that could just be because the AS game is glam fest for ESPN and yet another chance for everyone to see Bud The Fearless leader do what I like to call, "The Selig Face". Seen here, here annnnd here. And here, here, here and here. Congrats KC and keep bringing on the Grienke quotes.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Cool little thing

With the Hot Stove at an absolute piping red hot level right now, here's something else to pass your time instead of checking to see who offers Bay 5 years guaranteed and drives the Sox asking price up another $10mm. You can check out any MLB players' hitting chart at any stadium for just about any year. Here is David Ortiz from this past season at Fenway. One of the cooler things for him is to look at the "doubles" and just see how many of those he puts against the monster. If you're like me and you like to kill time by looking at pointless baseball stuff (and obviously some part of you is because you're reading this) then it's fun to waste some time with.

Kevin Millar didn't hit an opposite field HR in 2004? You're kidding me.

Check out Manny in 04 hitting bombs all over the field.

Johnny Damon's home runs at Yankee Stadium. Think he got any help from that shallow wall out in right?

To check different players, click on one of those links and search for a player name and it's right under "hit chart".

Saturday, November 21, 2009

You're telling me THIS guy is a bad fielder?

The Gold Gloves were given out last week and it was the usual suspects taking home the hardware and among all the fielding talk someone found a way to try and tell us that Jacoby Ellsbury is a below average out fielder. Actually, of all the AL center fielders the UZR (which I can only assume stands for "Useless Z-something Rating") had him listed second to last, only in front of Vernon "Ridiculously Crippling Contract" Wells. His rating is actually so bad it says that his shifty D gives up 18.3 runs per year. We have entered the twilight zone. Yes I know his arm is only a tick above Johnny Damon, who is barely a tick above disabled infant monkey, but he has made an entire Nation get used to the fact that a diving, lay yourself horizontal 3 feet in the air, catch is something that is to be expected on a daily basis. Let the stat guys have their fun but no one is going to convince me that Tacoby Bellsbury is not a good fielder. UZR, to you I say GOOD DAY!!

Friday, November 20, 2009


Remember MVP Sports? I bought my first baseball glove there. They disolved into Decathalon awhile back, before they became non-existent altogether. That store was great. I miss them. The end.

Tim Lincecum used dark magic to win the Cy Young

On the right is the NL Cy Young winner, Tim Lincecum. On the left is the very same person and he is no-doubt reading a book about dark magic... or maybe it's a young Severus Snape from The Harry Potter movies. Whomever it may be, how can we really trust that Lincecum won the Cy Young legitimately now that this evidence has been exposed to the public? We have tests for all sorts of chemicals in professional athletes but the improper use of magic in the MLB has been sorely overlooked. What's next people? Bud Selig never going outside during the day and people finally finding out he's a vampire?!?!? You heard it here first...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Mike Sciosca is excited!!

If you didn't know, Mike Scioscia took home the AL Manager of the Year honor yesterday and he was super excited, as he always is. How jubilant was he? Just about as thrilled as he was when....

He won the lottery. Notice the look of joy upon his face. His face is that thing above all those chins and bacon bits hanging around that area that is apparently a mouth. The lottery is nothing compared to the time he...

...became a father. Heart warming moment really. And we shall not forget about the time he...

... apparently won a MacBook in a competition between him and some girl to see who could be more excited. He took home the prize, and as you can see, was very excited. Congrats Mr. Scioscia and thank you for getting the Sox into the playoffs... and then kicking their asses out.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Get your Greinke on

Sir Zack Greinke (assuming he's been knighted, who hasn't these days) took home the well deserved Cy Young yesterday. 33 total starts and in 18 of those he held opponents to 1 run or less. That's disturbing, so are all his other stats this year.

As we've told you before, Greinke is kind of a quote machine, and we can only hope this hardware helps add to his arsenal of funny little quips. Here's a link to a few goodies and a couple others to hold you over for a bit. If you have some, throw them in the comments section.

"They just said rebuilding because the team was bad."

“There’s a lot more interesting stuff going on right now They should have something else on the cover. Playoff basketball or something else. So it’s a mistake. They’ll probably sell their least amount of magazines in a long time - except when NASCAR was on the cover.”

"Nice effort by the defense. They didn't get tired of running after balls to the wall. I was pretty impressed by that."

"I don't want to pitch for New York in the playoffs -- I want to pitch for Kansas City in the playoffs,"

And maybe the best yet:

Zack talking about Carl Crawford pinch hitting for him in the All-Star game: “I was like, ‘Crawford? Are you serious?’ ” Greinke says. “But he got a base hit, so it’s acceptable. And he robbed a homer, so I guess that worked out all right. It could’ve been me. That pitch was probably right down the middle. I would’ve crushed it.”

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Take me out to the ballpark, if you're filthy rich

So somewhere admist the media swarm around Belichick yesterday, the Sox slipped in a sting of their own, upping ticket prices around the park. The annual raising of ticket prices at the Fens is about as clockwork as me forgetting where I put my keys every morning. The instinct is to complain. Complain about the prices. B*tch about how they've priced out Joey Superfan in favor of Joe CEO and his corporate account. But I have long moved on from that. These days I only go to games when a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousin of a contractor offers up his season tickets for the night because he has to go to a "contractor convention". Yup, the nostalgia of Fenway has become stale for me, and everything I need from a live baseball game can be delivered to me via crystal clear HD television. Shrink my couch to an 18-inch wide wooden chair and throw an obnoxious fat guy next to me and I feel like I'm there.

But the raising of ticket prices got my 4 brain cells twirling around. As you know, the Sox have one of the smaller stadiums in baseball, thanks to the horrible foresight of the designers in 1912 not knowing Major League Baseball would become a cash cow. So the owners have to make every seat count, and inevitably make it one of the most expensive parks to entertain a family for the night. And when the bidding for the Sox franchise took place in 2001, several of the pontential owners, including present Dodger owner Frank McCourt, planned to build new stadiums for the local nine, thereby bringing in a massive revenue stream for the team and city. But alas, John Henry and his cronies won the battle and purchased the Sox for a mere $660mil, promising to keep the current Fenway, but cake on layers of make-up. They of course made good on that promise, hired this woman, and transformed Fenway from an eyesore into a restored landmark, albeit an even more crowded one. Its difficult to picture how awful the pre-renovated version was until you see a replay of some archived game on NESN. Once you get over the shock of seeing a skinny Roger Clemens, you realize how incredible the stadium looks now compared to that patchwork dungeon Fenway used to be. (you obviously can't see the trough toilet rooms on TV, but that was the most charming feature.)

So what am I babbling on about? Well, I want a new stadium. Sure, this is being fueled by the fact that its mid-November, the Yanks just won the world series, and I have no interest in the 2010 free agent class. But since baseball and buildings are favorite topics of mine, I always enjoy a conversation on the possibilites of a new stadium. I mean even looking through this website is an odd pleasure for me. Now I know the Henry/ Werner/ Luchhino team have vowed to stand by their renovations for the next decade plus (including the 100-year anniversary of the stadium in a couple years), but just think about the fun and anticipation of building a new Fenway. Where would it go? How would you recreate the monster? How many stripper poles do you put in the Remy-Orsillo crow's nest? All awesome things to ponder.

Thoughts, suggestions, detailed floor plans go in the comments section.

It was 4th and 2. We get it

No, really, we get it. Garfield gets it. Watching Rodney Harrison and Tedy Bruschi destroy Bill on TV leads me to believe that they get it too. Everyone in the friggin world gets it. One call, one game, in November no less. I am ready to move past it as long as you are? Are you? Please, let's do that.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The morning after

I did not stay up to watch the 4th and 2 disaster last night. What I've learned from the Red Sox is that you go to sleep early, and stupidly assume things will go well why you get a blissful night of slumber. And while this strategy is exhilarating as hell when a seemingly inevitable loss transforms into a glorious win by morning, it is all the more devastating to hear that a sure-fire win fizzled into an embarrassing loss. Its the equivalent of being a kid on Christmas Eve only to find out the next morning that Rudolph played a horrible game of revenge against the other reindeer and poisoned their reindeer food and Santa couldn't deliver any presents. Ok, thats awful, it wasn't that bad (even though it would make for a hilarious sequel to the Rudolph movie). But its still a bad sports Monday. Well, on the bright side, we're another day closer to Fort Myers.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

You slug, I slug, Bay slugs

Jay Bay just does it fo' real, and he does it well enough to win an award for his slugging. Bay took home his first ever Silver Slugger this weekend. Other things we can only assume Jason Bay owns that are made of silver:
  • Pancakes - Right, because he's Canadian... and the maple syrup. Silver dollar pancakes. I just hope it's not silver dollars that are like those damn Canadian coins that vending machines won't take because no one likes those.
  • Jebidiah Springfield's silver tongue - Obscure Simpsons reference? Enjoy it if you can.
  • A Silver Delorean - A Delorean he no doubt had converted into a time machine.
This is what the baseball season is like in November people. Movie and cartoon references. My apologies. Let's just hope Theo is planning on having Thanksgiving at the Lackey, Holliday and Halladay residences this year.

Top Sox Moments of 2009 - Number 4 - Varitek Gives up 20 Stolen Bases

In one game. Actually it was 6, but that was back in May and it could have been a good reason why the Sox went out and woo-ed Victor over to Boston. That and whatever near .200 average he was hitting at that point. This isn't really as much of a "Top Moment"as one would think, but if it did push Theo and Co. closer to realizing they needed a new backstop, well then I guess it worked.

I know we rip on Tek a lot here, but it's purely statistical. Hell, he's supposedly having some adult relations with Heidi which while making me insanely jealous, also gives credit to what kind of awesomeness he has displayed here over the last 10 years. It will be sad to see Jason go (and he can't take Heidi with him) but in a way an abbreviated year of him this year may be the best way to go out.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Oh Trade Rumors

This is the part of the year where it gets ugly and you just wish you could stay away from baseball for another 4 months and just immerse yourself in football and all the joys of booze and food and the serious couch time that football brings. But you can't. If you could, you wouldn't be reading a half assed Sox blog and checking MLBTR twice a day. (Or is that just me?). The one thing we do have to entertain ourselves through the next 120 days is the rumoriest trade rumors that have ever rumored their way around these parts. As far as I can tell, every single player that is a free agent this year or is going to be one next year has been accused of being a possible suspect in the Sox off-season moves. Honestly, I think reporters make some of these quotes up or read into what Theo is saying just a bit too much. Example:

"Theo, Theo. Are you guys interested in signing Hideki Matsui this off-season?"
"Well, we're not sure if that would be a great idea. I'd like to think we have more pressing matters to look at."

See, then all of a sudden everyone's yappin' about Matsui and radio shows are going nuts over how so-and-so would fit in so perfectly and this has to happen right now and if it doesn't the world is over. Then 5 minutes later they say the same thing about Hanley Ramirez. Repeat for 3 months. Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How the Varitek option got exercised

Jason Varitek: Theo, I noticed that you guys didn't pick up my club option the other day?
Theo Epstein: So, you noticed that.
Jason: Yeah. Any reason in particular?
Theo: You really want to know?
Jason: Hmm, not really.
Theo: Good, it's better that way. Any chance you won't be picking up your option for next year?
Jason: Don't be silly. Of course I'm coming back. What would the Sox be without the Cap'tin?
Theo: Sh*t. This is awkward. About that "C"... we're going to need that back?
Jason: Come again?
Theo: Well, Victor made quite the impression on us last year and...
Jason: Woah, he's been here like 5 minutes.
Theo: Well, we exercised his team option the other day and kind of figured he's going to be the starter going into next year.
Jason: Theo. This hurts.
Theo: I'm sorry, but we're also going to need Heidi back.
Jason: Ha, that's funny, but she chose me.
Theo: Oh boy. This is going to be even more awkward...

Fact: Gold Gloves are not made of chocolate

Fact 2: Gold Gloves are handed out like free samples of meatballs at BJs. Torii (two "i"s, come on) Hunter and Ichiro won their 9th straight GGs, which means they shop at BJs a lot. The biggest travesty (yes at this point of the year these things are travesties) is that Derek Jeter took home the GG this year. I'll give him the fielding percentage argument but apparently they don't factor in range or how cool of a guy you are anymore. What have you become Gold Glove?

Of course the biggest scam in the history of the Glove is Raffy Palmeiro in 1999. He only played 158 games that year. Wait, that's not bad, that's actually a good amount of games in a season. Oh yes, only 28 of those games were played at first base. So he was the first person to ever win a Glove for the DH position. Put that next to the whole lying to the Congress thing and taking steroids and you've got a pretty impressive career. Thanks Raffy!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Attention V-Mart Shoppers

V-Mart hours have officially been extended through 2010. Our sister store, V-tek, has been temporarily shut down and may only open its doors on odd days when I'm hungover and don't feel like getting out of bed, but we're not even sure if he'll be around that much.

Also, stop by to see my buddy Timmy "I'm not that old" Wakefield for another two years!! That's right folks, here at V-mart we give you two years of Wake, 1 year of Victor and a whoooooooooole lot of savings. Was that Rich Harden that just walked by? I'll see you folks later, I have to go sell that man on a job in Boston.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Freaky Monday look-a-like

Oh the left, Omar Epps. He's on TV right now on Fox. On the right is Mike Tomlin. He's on TV right now too, on ESPN. Or is it the other way around? I really can't tell because they both look exactly the friggin' same. One should guest star on the others show, or sport or whatever. Some people get to look like actors, others like sports stars and I get stuck with this. Life's a bitch.

The guy we're supposed to like

Derek Jeter (Pictured above with sweet hair) is the Yankee that everyone kind of lets have a free pass because he plays the game right and he's classy and all that other crap those hens from The View like to squawk about. Up until last week I more or less agreed that even though he is on the team that is the bane of many existences here in Boston, he's a stand up guy. However, Jeets, shut your trap on this one:

"It feels better than I remember it, man," captain Derek Jeter said. "It's been a long time."

That was in reference to winning the World Series. Yeah, it's been ages huh? It's a tough life you live. Waking up alone must be a chore like no other. Jeter was later (mis) quoted (by me) saying "I'm a huge spoiled jerk that has won more World Series in my career than any other team has won in the last 50 years." That may have been slightly taken out of context, but it was more or less implied by his first statement.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Highlights from the Yankees victory parade.

Meanwhile back at the Steinbrenner manor...

Friday, November 6, 2009

Top 10 Sox Moments of 2009: Number 5 - Papi Hits a Dinger!

Everyone went ape-sh*t when Ortiz finally hit his first home run of the year on May 20th, nearly 40 games in the regular season. This was going to turn it around. This was going to put all the "just tell them Big Papi stinks" self loathing crap to shame because the Big Guy was back and it was time to start swatting dingers like it was 2005 again. Yup, that would have been sweet if it went down like that. Somehow Ortiz saw his numbers drop even more after that HR and then the whole steroid thing happened which left us all in kind of state of bullsh*t haze. Baseball people will tell you he finished with respectable numbers but there were no heroics, no putting the team on his back and flying into October, no more Comcast commercials with his special salsa dip. Shame.

And we're wheelin' and dealin' already

Not even 24 hours after Steinbrenner and all his flying monkeys take home the trophy, The Sox are already making deals. That's right, Jeremy motha-effin- Hermida is coming to town baby!?!?! Jeremy Hermida? That's funny, because that doesn't sound like Jason Bay or Matt Holliday, the two players that Red Sox Nation has more or less demanded the Sox get... or else. This is (hopefully) just a small piece of the puzzle, really just to add some roster depth like every one's favorite Italian Rocco did last year. Theo will spin it like so: The guy is 26, under valued in the Marlins system, he's affordable and he wasn't costing the team a ton. Still spinning, Hermida was a first round pick a few years ago and sluggers break out at 26 years old soooo you're saying there's a chance. Whatever. It's early. Things will happen. Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


I'd just like to congratulate the new champions. A fine effort. They went out and got some big stars, and recaptured the hearts of their loyal fan base. Despite a season full of turmoil, they came through in the clutch. This was a team with alot of character and I tip my hat to them, they really do deserve this title. Ladies and gentleman, your 2009 world champions... THE WASHINGTON KASTLES!

Well, that sucked

It really sucks when the Sox lose but it's a close second when the Yankees win. I have a problem where I almost take it personally. It's probably not a healthy thing. Actually, I know it's not healthy but judging by the other blogs and Facebook posts and random phone calls I've received as of late, at least I know I'm not alone. We all pulled together and tried to get behind a good cause, but those diseases have a way of not going away.

In this huge sh*t storm of negativity there are a few things we can at least take away as positives:
  • A-rod didn't win the MVP. I'm kind of neutral about Matsui. Sure I don't like him, but he's not as hateable as lips Mcgee or Tex or Posada, etc.
  • With this win hopefully next year the Yanks won't be "reloading" their team by signing the top 3 free agents available to over priced contracts.
  • It's been made even clearer to how much EVERYONE hates the Yankees. Sure in Boston it's commonplace, but I think we've got a common friend with Philly now and further exposing A-rod and Tex and Burnett to the world via this World Series will surely show how annoying those guys are and earn them a lot of anti-love.
Now it's over. Finally.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What's your prediction for tonight?

Pain!!! Pain on the part of the Yankees. Pedro brings his rice and beans back to Yankee Stadium to make sure this thing goes to 7. It's been said a million times this week, but all the pressure is on the quarter billion dollar Yanks to bring a ring back to the billion dollar Stadium and the Phils are just along for the ride to make sure things don't go smoothly. T-minus 1 hour til Petey time.

The return of Mumbles

"Hey Wally, I'm Mumbles Menino, and I am still your Mayor."

"Also, much like a cookie, I predict the Yankee dynasty will crumble, and the results will be delicious for Red Sox fans."

Tonights the night

It's old man vs old man. 38 year old Pedro vs 37 year old Pettitte tonight. Let's all hope that first half of the season rest will help Pedro stay fresh tonight and the Phils can get into the Yanks bullpen early and let Joba implode on his home turf. Speaking of Joba, his mom (the lovely woman pictured here) was sentenced to 20 years for her little meth problem that arose back in May. You can definitely see the family resemblance.

I see many posts in the future today. Stay tuned for more.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


::Agent Smith has Neo in a headlock with a subway train approaching::

"You hear that, Mr.Anderson? That's the sound of inevitability."

Remember that scene from The Matrix? One of the better fight scenes.

Anyways, thats how I feel about the 2009 New York Yankees. Its inevitable. They'll win it all. Eventually. I'll wake up one of these mornings and the train will hit me (in the form of Sportscenter news while I sit on my couch with a bowl of Cheerios, not an actual train with the conductor yelling out "The Yankees won the World Series!" just before the train hits me, though that might be less painful). And unfortunately, I'm not The One, and neither are the Philadelphia Phillies, and I won't be able to miraculously come back after Agent Smith seemingly has me cornered. But I'll tell you what, they made two more lousy Matrix movies after that one, so might as well follow suit, and drag this World Series out as much as possible.

Meanwhile, while we're on stupid baseball-movie analogies, in retrospect, isn't Keanu Reeves' career alot like the Red Sox franchise for the past 20 years or so? Its a huge stretch by me here, but lets review:
  • Keanu had a monster cult hit ("Bill and Ted") = Sox in the mid-late 80's ('86 series).
  • Then Keanu had some random stuff ("Point Break") where he showed his face to confirm he was still alive = Sox mediocrity in the 90's, but win division in '95.
  • Keanu comes back full force with the Matrix and becomes a silver screen superstar and pop-culture icon = Sox finally make it back to the world series and win in '04 and '07, the darlings of the baseball world.
  • Then Keanu kind of fell off the face of the Earth and lost his luster, but thanks to his stardom from the Matrix he's still an 'A' list star everywhere he goes, but people aren't sure why = Sox '08 to now.
Nope, that's awful. I'm bitter. Save me from baseball hell. Come back soon, Red Sox.

Now there's the AJ we all know and love

2 innings, 4 walks, 6 ER. That's more like it. Yes sometimes even a blind squirrel finds a nut, but AJ got his nuts smacked around like a speed bag last night and only gave McCarver 2 innings to comment on how great Burnett's curveball is. The best thing about last night, besides the Burnett taint-handing, is that with the Yankee lose that means we get to see Pedro go again on Wednesday night in NY. Worst case scenario, we get another day of Pedro quotes. Best case scenario, we get to watch Cole Hamels on Thursday too.

Also, in true anti-Yankee fashion, let's celebrate Chase Utley tying Reggie Jackson's HR record in the World Series. One more and Mr. October gets shown up by a second baseman with more grease in his hair under his helmet than a lot of people have under their car.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Hey Tommy(Yankees) I didn't hear no bell

Alright Philly, it's time to sack up and sound off like you have a pair left. Round up all your cheese steaks, your liberty bells, your horrible Southwest commercials that we were all exposed to for umpteen months and beat the bag out of the god damn Yankees tonight and show the world that last year wasn't a fluke against the friggin' D-Rays. We've seen miracles against these guys from NYC and there's no reason you can't bring the pain tonight. Look, you even have Rocky and his alcoholic brother in-law rooting you on. Think of all the alcoholics you'd be letting down if you lose. Think about it.

Tim McCarver sinks to a new low

First on the list of FU's this morning is Joe Giradi and his supposed "managing" of the game last night. Apparently Joe thinks managing means "boring the f*ck out of everyone watching" because his constant walking out to the mound to talk about pitch selection and to make sure CC doesn't need another burger made a great game feel like a tweezing of one's most privatest hairs.

Then the McCarver sh*t show. It was around the 5th or 6th inning when about 10 times during one at bat that McCarver repeatedly said "Jorge Posada is like Tom Brady." Fuck you, Tim. That's right, I wrote the swear out because * and # don't really show the proper level of disdain I have against you. First off, don't compare a Patriots player to a Yankee. It's wrong in so many ways. Then to keep saying it over and over, as if everyone watching wasn't already trying to Google your home address and getting the flaming bags of poop ready, is just pure stupidity. Is it really any wonder that there are multiple sites dedicated to how much this man sucks.

Game 5 tonight. At least hit A-rod again.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Not that happiest Halloween

It must have been all the beer we drank, but as a collective Nation we obviously were not rooting hard enough for the Yanks to get beat on again. I'll step up and take some of the blame. I was far too engulfed in a marathon of scary movies, Pumpkinhead beer and ducking behind the windows to avoid handing out any candy to kids. So the series definitely goes back to NY? Big deal. I'm keeping my hopes up, despite the bag of Kit-Kats that are still mocking me.