Sunday, May 30, 2010

In the Battle of the Hot Girlfriends

Last Night's Battle Royale Featuring:

The Girlfriend of Clay Buchholz


Greinke's Girl

There is now way two nerdier looking guys could land hotter chicks unless... actually, there is no "unless". Those two guys look like they should be working at Office Max rather than professional athletes and I'm sure their respective girls are into them for their knowledge of laptops and burritos, respectively, and not because of their giant paychecks.

I'm not sure what to think about the last few games against KC. The Sox were riding so high after Philly and TB and this was about the worst way they could have possibly come down from that short of anyone winding up in a dumpster behind a BBQ joint. Maybe they wrap up the series with a win today? Maybe no one shows up because it's memorial day weekend and everyone is too busy attending cookouts? Maybe I'll actually get a chance to sit down and watch a game this weekend instead of being busy attending all those cookouts? Or maybe just knocking back a few more Sam Summers will keep me from asking "maybe" about everything.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Celtics ended the roller coaster ride last night and closed out those softies from Florida. Another trip to the NBA Finals, which I think start sometime in August. Should be fun.

Meanwhile, the Sox lost to Missouri little leaguers.

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Definition of WHIP

I'm about to get all statty on yo' asses.

WHIP = Walks+Hits per Innings Pitched. Easy enough, right?

However, with Daisuke on the mound, every other time out (or every time it's more than 74 degrees out with a relative humidity below 76% and there are exactly 157 people in the crowd named "Bob") he'll put up one of these "stinkers" that we're now accustomed to seeing. When he does pull this sh*t, he creates a new acronym for WHIP.

WHIP = Why the Hell Is (Daisuke) Pitching. 8 walks? Really? Against the Royals? Since the 1980's they are one of the least intimidating offensive teams in the entire MLB and Daisuke chose to walk these guys left and right.

There's nothing worse than a rally killer and while Daisuke was a big part of the rally starting last week, last night was just total BS. Sure it's annoying when Beckett has his ups and downs, and watching Lester struggle through April isn't the easiest thing to swallow, but watching Daisuke throw a game like that last night blows those other things out of the water. I don't really expect more out of him, but I'm pretty sure if you looked at a clip from him during his almost no-hitter and then one from last night, you wouldn't know which one was which. The guy hasn't shown an emotion since he got here so you almost figure he's OK with sucking so bad. I'm not OK with it. Me. The important guy. Take note.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hello 3rd Place. Sorry, Just Passing Through

That's right, wassup 3rd place? You feel so much better than that dirty, nasty 4th place that I've been fooling around with for the last month. All those round edges in your number, it's like you and I were meant to be... well meant to be for right now. I don't want to lie to you and start this new relationship off on the wrong foot so I'm going to tell you right now: There's someone else. She's called 2nd place. Oh yes. The number 2. Not quite as many curves as you, 3, but the combo of curves and straight lines, it's really what I'm looking for right now. I know, 2 is taken right now and that's cool. I think you and I can have fun for a bit. See a few movies, beat up on the Royals, A's and O's and maybe the Indians, then if we're still together then we'll kind of re-evaluate where we are and go from there. How's that sound 3?

Remind me to never explain to my children about dating. I have a feeling it won't go so well.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I Pitch, Therefore, I AM

That is an EXACT quote from Jon Lester. Fine. Maybe it's not. But maybe if Lester would show his deep, intellectual side, along with his taint handing pitching/ass kicking side, then it would inspire some others on the team to show their philosophical sides a bit more. I for one would love to know Pedroia's take on the matter of being.

If I am, a laser show, then the laser show is really me. And THAT, is, what I am.

Or how about Wake's thoughts on consciousness?

Is my dreaming life a reality, or am I really dreaming? Does my knuckler float in the air, or is my knuckler the only thing not moving?

Or Youk's explanation of sex vs love?

I love it. Sex that is. Love the sh*t. But, I don't sex the love. You know what I'm saying?

I know exactly what you're saying, Kevin. Exactly.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This Team is Hovering on Interesting

A few wins vs. The Phils with some stellar pitching and a dash of hitting and now a similar victory against another hot team and all of a sudden these guys might be on to something. This unheard of all around good play matches up perfectly with Ells and Cameron coming off the DL which is great because Bill Hall and Old Mac are starting to wear out their welcome in the OF. Besides Beckett and his balky back (oh alliteration my old friend) things are finally looking up for 4th place in the AL East.

Now you all know how we feel about jinxing here at The Cheese, and that blabbing above is some of the most jinx-tastic stuff I've put down here all year, but I don't think it's going to matter. That's right, there's a run coming and there's nothing my meaningless banter can do to hold these guys back now. It's time. We know this team has more to it than they've shown so far and God damnit I'm actually excited to see it.

Sh*t, I really do hope I didn't jinx that...

Monday, May 24, 2010

Game On

Celtics- Magic, Game 4. Get your brooms ready.
I leave you with Rondo's steal, J-Will being a D-bag, and KG being KG...

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Daisuke + Tek = Good

It's that simple. Put Captain Quads behind the plate with Dice-K on the hill and you've got yourself some pitching. I'm not saying it's V-mart's fault that Beckett and Daisuke do better with Tek behind the plate, but, well, they do. I don't even know how to describe the mo-ey mojo that Daisuke had working last night. 24 outs, no hits. It was special. The best part of a near no-no is listening to the announcers (I was radio-ing it last night) try to avoid jinxing it by saying "no-hitter". Joe C. did a good job, using just about every work around he could think of. I approve.

Wake goes for 2 out of 3 vs a team that is a lot better than The Red Sox. I'll take 2 out of 3 in Philly, especially with 3 against The Rays coming up. I don't know, I think Shakey Wakey is gonna bring it today.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

We're up, we're down then we're down.

I didn't watch the entire game last night but by the end of the series I can see Remy really ripping Citizens Bank Park apart because of its, umm, interesting choice in size. There's no doubt that the lines are short, the fences are short, and besides The New Yankee Stadium, it was home to the most bridge shots last year. Obviously the sizes work against the home team too, but me thinks we'll hear Rems give his $0.02 on the park sooner rather than later, especially if The Phils hit some 258 foot liners that find a way to clear a wall.

As for the game down in cheese-steak-ville? I think we all felt the electricity in the 9th. Bases loaded, 2 outs, Ortiz stepping to the plate. Well, as hot as the big fella has been lately, the alluring smell of thinly sliced beef and gooey cheese must have been too much for Ortiz to over come.

Sorry, what would a game in Philly be without THE commercial.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Is This Man Back?

Is he? He's been on something of a tear lately and if I didn't just jinx it by giving the dude some props, maybe we can expect something of a resurgence from Ortiz. For the first time last night when Ortiz came to the plate I didn't get that "lose my Chipolte" feeling that I usually get when I combine a delicious burrito with the current version of David Ortiz. Instead I thought to myself, "Man I love Chipolte. Oh, Ortiz is up.". Look, I'm just being honest.

Anyone else think it's weird that the Sox will play 2 separate series at different ball parks in the same time it will take the Celts to play two playoff games? At least the big 4 should be well rested.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

B*tch, moan, b*tch, moan, repeat.

So the Yanks have their collective fancy Ralph Loren underwear all up in a huge collective panty twist over Manny Delcarmen getting to warm up while relieving Josh Beckett last night after Becks left with a back injury. To the panty twisted Yankees I say this: Let us have this one you pompous jackasses.

Look, a good part of me has already written this season off due to the piss poor start. I realize they can come back and 4th place isn't that bad (I can hardly type that) but it's going to take some 2004 type magic to get that mojo going and to be honest I don't know if I see that magic in this team. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm done with it all, mainly because whatever drug John Henry slips into my coffee every morning definitely keeps me coming back each night, but until there are some signs of life (and I don't count an error infused top of the 9th to get the W as true signs) I am just holding my emotions in check a bit.

Lastly, how many guys on this planet can pull that fake-the-behind-the-back-pass to a lay-up that Rondo did last night? I'm going to try it in my old man rec league. The over under on the number of groins I pull is 2. I'd take the over.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Season, meet toilet

Wooooooooooosh. Yup, there she goes. Right down the crappa.

Of course I'm kidding (kind of) but losing a game that was already lost, then almost won, then lost again, well that sucks. I tried my damndedest to anti-jinx them last night but once I got back into the game it was Papelblown time.

Another game back. Back to under .500. You know it's bad when you're keeping track of the Jays to see if you gained ground on them. They also lost last night. Look, something to feel positive about? And here I didn't think it was possible.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ahhh sh*t

Daisuke's first inning is looking like some classic foot to ass action. The bad news is that The Yankees are playing the part of the foot. 5 runs right now (2 outs) and old Timmy Wake just started warming up in the old bullpen in the old first inning. Daisuke should only be allowed to pitch on nights when I don't have to work the next morning because even if I'm not having a single drop of liquor I still feel hungover after watching him throw.

Made it out of the first with no more pain. Whoop-dee-f*cking-do!!!

It's not your fault.

Scene from Good Will Hunting:

Will: [Sean is going through Will's profile. Inside we see are pictures of Will after brutal assaults by his foster parents] You ever have any, uh, experience with that?
Sean: Twenty years of counseling, I've seen some pretty awful sh*t.
Will: No. I mean, have you ever had any experience with that?
Sean: Personally? Yeah. Yeah I have.
[Sean looks away for a moment]
Will: I'm sure it ain't good.
Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean f*ckin' drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I had to provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: Why?
Will: Cause f*ck him, that' why.

Yanks, Twins, Phillies and Rays up next for the Red Sox...
Choose your beating...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

4th Place

That's right. In case you weren't watching closely enough, The Sox aren't just playing catchup on the Yanks and Rays. They currently occupy 4th place in the AL East behind the Toronto Blue Jays as well. Yes, they currently rank behind Canada when it comes to baseball playing ability. 37 games down, or just over 20% of the season, and we're still waiting for these guys to hit their stride. How long is this going to take?

Watching Ram-Ram walk in the winning run in extra innings is one of those "last stand" things. It's also one of those "throw up the cookout food you attended earlier in the day" things because at one point The Sox were up by 5 runs AND were issued 12 walks in the game. I know. 12. Sure they scored 6 runs, but they were handed twelve frigging free bases!?! Speechless.

Almost speechless. Go Celts!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

One More Thing Out of the Way

For all intents and purposes, hockey ended last night for 100% of Red Sox Nation. Sure there's the 1% that follow some non-local team but we don't really recognize them as "people". Just one more distraction out of the way before we give all our attention to the Red Sox. Right now The Red Sox are the red headed step child. You know, the one that gets beat and wedgied all day long by everyone. They are playing 2nd fiddle right now to the Celtics but at least they are no longer playing 3rd fiddle. I think that's how fiddles work, I'm not much of a fiddler.

Think of it though. It's genius. Why play well when no one is watching? Who are you going to impress? Die hards that have some sick gene already programmed into this sick heads who watch no matter what anyways? Who cares about them/us? We'll be there tomorrow no matter what. Maybe it could be that the Red Sox are just being team players? They've stolen a lot of the attention over the last 7 or 8 years and they are finally sharing the spot light. Considerate and smart? Could it be? Or maybe being considerate and smart is their downfall. Just like so many other guys that are "smart and nice". The girls don't go for the smart and nice guys because they usually have an unusual amount of body hair... or some obsession with defensive sabermetrics. Sound familiar? You know who isn't nice, or smart? The Yankees. They're dumb hardasses. Even dumber and harderassed? The Rays, because they're that much younger than the Yankees AND they're good looking. Triple threat.

What we have here is your common case of nice guys finishing last. What we'd like to avoid: Finishing last.

Friday, May 14, 2010

We Are All Witnesses

That "We" includes Lebron.

See you soon Mickey.

Oh yeah, go B's!! Only a few minutes left. Need a score.

Suck it, LeBron

He's packing his bags and checking out New York real estate tomorrow.

Celtics vs. the Orlando Dewey Howards next. F*ck yeah. Go Celts.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hey Dale Scott: Watch Your Back

Afternoon Game!!! That means nothing gets done for the second half of the day at work. Technically nothing really gets done the first half either, so day baseball is the biggest anti- production event ever, and that's just fine by me.

On to the title there. Dale Scott, the home umpire this afternoon, single handedly ruined the Sox entire game plan (the plan being totally sucking for 2 1/2 hours and then start hitting in the bottom of the 9th) by calling Ortiz out on a strike that was waaaaaay outside and then nearly got Adrian Beltre to blow a gasket when he called a check swing a strike, even though it wasn't even close. Now was Papi ready to break back into pre-2008 mode and blast a home run? Probably not, but Dale didn't know that. For all Dale knew Ortiz might of had a pre-game shake and been ready to tear the cover off the ball. He was already 2-4. Maybe this was Ortiz's day to bring it back? Maybe Dale Scott needs a flaming bag of sh*t on his front steps tonight. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I should look up the laws of threatening people via blog form before I go any further?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Who Was That and What Did You Do With My Daisuke?

On second thought, never mind. I don't want to know what happened to the Daisuke of old, I just want this new one to stick around for, oh, another 2 years. Without consulting with the Educated Cheese Stat department (A helper monkey sitting in front of a computer) I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Mr. Matsuzaka has never had a start where he hasn't issued a free pass. Add almost double digit K's to that performance and all of a sudden this looks like the guy the brain trust invested all the cash into and not the walking heart attacking inducing machine we've grown accustomed to lately.

Is it just me, or is anyone else kind of ticked that for the Celts ass kicking of the Cavs that all the stat headlines just show Lebron and his 15 points? If a team gets smacked around by 32 points, who gives a sh*t about the bitchy super star who went 2-14 on the losing side? Every member of the Celtics starting 5 except for Perk had a more impressive line than Lebron. I'm sure I'm blind to the Pierce/Garnett/Allen unwarranted love that they receive a lot of the time, but this one just got to me.

Also, doesn't Eck's HOF plaque picture kind of look like Gary Busey? And by kind of I mean I'll never be able to look at Eck the same again... again.

Waking Ken Griffey Jr. is Worse Than Waking a Dinosaur

Christ. I hate Seattle. Griffey, get in here and
pinch hit. Jesus! Where is he?

I don't know sir.

Who are you?

Jesus. Jesus Colome.

Oh. Well, go find Griffey.

::in the clubhouse::

Snore, grumble, snore. Take that Ryan Dunne. Snore, grumble.

Griff. GRIFF! Wake up! Coach wants you to pinch hit.

Jesus, what the? Oh, hey Jesus. Tell him I can't, I'm sleeping.

Coach, he, ummm, is not there.

Jesus!!! Not there? Well, I didn't want to do this.
Someone go let Milton Bradley out of his cage.

YO! Time for Milt to shine in a non-depressing manner
in the most weather depressing city in the world!!!

Yo, Milt, it's me, Crazy Carl. Watch out for those dino's out there man.

Ahahaha, you crazy Carl. There's no such thing as dino's!!

I know man, I knew you'd like that. Go hit the ball you crazy SOB.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Take What You Can Get

Tin Cup is an awesome movie. That's right, watching a golf movie was better than watching the Sox this weekend. Someone has to step up and be the punching bag in the AL East this year, and so far The Sox (7-12 against AL East opponents) are the punchees of the group. Seeing as they play more than 40% of their total games against the East, it would be wise of them to start showing up to some of these games on a more regular basis.

Apparently all the Sox could muster (God I sound old) this weekend was one win, and according to my snappy title, that's what we get. A win is a win, and two losses are just that, two losses, but when during those loses your team is outscored like 24-6, it starts to make the 3rd game of the series seem more and more meaningless. They could have won last night by 20 runs while A-rod and Jeter ran into each other trying to catch a pop fly, both rupturing their Achille's and it would still have been a crappy weekend because of the Friday/Saturday drubbing. The bitter taste, she is still there. Blue Jays be damned, this team needs another sweep right now.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Thoughts

Since the Sox have checked out early, in fact, before Memorial Day, lets review things we can actually look forward to this summer while the Sox sit on the back burner:

Ironman 2 - I'm a big fan of movies, and sometimes bordering on movie "snob". While far from meeting the standards of the first one, it was extremely well done, and I highly recommend seeing it in IMAX. Plus, Scarlett Johansson.

World Cup Soccer - Soccer is awful. But its hard to dismiss what amazing athletes soccer players are, and how intriguing the game becomes when put on the world stage with intense patriotism involved. In bandwagon fashion, I'll be watching.

Toy Story 3 - Pixar. Summer. Blockbuster. Ingredients for success.

Sam Summer - The always reliable summer beer of choice.

The High Life - a close second.

More Twitter posts - ... from Lebron's elbow.

The Celtics landing Lebron and/or Dwayne Wade - kidding. I've had too much beer.

Go enjoy the summer, kids.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Double Gah

That guy drove in 5 runs today against the Red Sox. No, that's not the infamous Mark Teixeira Face (Damn thing haunts me in my dreams on a regular basis). That right there is Francisco Cervelli. Yes, THE Francisco Cervelli. The back-up catcher that had 5 RBIs today against the Red Sox pitching staff that included Jonathan Van Every. Yes, the outfielder who was fed to the wolves last year against the Rays. Well it got so bad, 14-3 is pretty f*cking bad, that Teets had to call in the substitute sub. The worst part? Van Every gave up 2 runs in 1 inning while an actual relief pitcher, Scott Schoewnenwhatever gave up 4 in 1 2/3 innings.

Blame it on the rain, the cold, the delay, the fact that the Yankees have a lineup that can actually scare opposing pitchers while the Sox are still sending out Darnell McDonald and Bill Hall on a regular basis, blame whatever you want and call it whatever you want, but what it was was the 2nd straight b*tch slap to our guys in our house. If the Sox had girlfriends, they would be going home with the likes of guys named Cervelli and Randy Winn and Ramiro Pena. Come on, I don't want to lose my wife to a guy named Ramiro again.


Since the Red Sox season is over, I'm not talking about them until we get into mocking territory (probably a good 10 wins under .500).

Instead, we'll talk about fried chicken. I saw a commercial for the new KFC double chicken heart killer, which they dare to call a sandwich. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought a sandwich required bread to be involved. So Colonel Sanders, you're meaning to tell me you have to grab the fried chicken and the mysterious glue in the center that keeps it together? Hats off for being so daring, and making me gag even more than the Red Sox are capable of doing. Internet find of the day.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Trifecta... More Like Die-fecta

No, none of the games are over yet (technically) but The Sox just got hosed to the tune of 6 runs in an inning. The Bruins just gave up the go-ahead goal with 5 minutes left and the Celtics were down by 30 last time I felt enthused enough to change over to ESPN. These multi sport nights are pretty exciting when things are going our way, but they sure do suck something serious when all the hometown boys are getting taken out behind the woodshed to have their manhood questioned.

You can thank me for the reverse jinx

That's right, last night I took the actually time to display my feelings on one Daisuke Matzusaka, and right after I'm done laying my love on the line in convenient internet form, what happens? The dude turns it around, the offense turns it on and The Sox end up finishing the schweep of the DBs (DoucheBags) that knocked them around and down in October last year.

After what, 3 full years now, I guess this is what we're going to get from the Dice: 5-6 innings, 3 or 4 runs, some walks, zero emtion shown (less than JD Drew possibly?) and a crapload of money spent on a guy that is usually mid-shower by the 7th inning. You know what though, for this team, for this year, he fits. This team is such a strange combination of defensive role players and mis-matched fading stars that Daisuke can kind of just sneak in under the Ortiz/Lowell radar, make us forget that Mike Cameron is supposed to be the starting center fielder, cover up the pain of the recent influx of Bill Hall in all our lives, and if he does all that and comes away with a win, well then all is ok in The Nation.

And now, spoken in the voice of the announcer from Wonderland Dog Park (RIP), "Here commmmmmmes The Yankees". If you've never wandered through Wonderland with a leaky flask of Jack Daniels in your coat pocket while sifting through old Trifecta tickets, brother, you've never lived.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mother F*cker, Daisuke

1 inning in, that's just three outs (3, if seeing the number helps at all) and Daisuke has given up 3 (three, in word form) walks, 4 (four, not like the golf fore, but the number) earned runs and 2 hits. To make things better on a team wide scale, the Angels stole 3 bases off the Dice/Martinez connection... in the first inning. Yes it's only the end of the 1st but this is not the way the 4th game of a schweep should start. Maybe I jinxed it by calling it a "schweep". I am sorry.

Oh yeah, Doug Meintcheizbve8wz signed a minor league deal with the Marlins today. I feel bad for the person that has to make his jersey. How many "Q"s are in Mientcqhezbvdfvq&5siz? Oh. two.

So That's How It's Supposed to Work

A strong start from Lackey, some nice defensive plays from Beltre, Scoots and Pedroia and Ortiz going bridge like it was 2004. I think this is more how Theo and Co. saw things unfolding this year. Winning games 3-1 isn't as exciting as a good 10 run explosion, but for a team that is all about "fun prevention" this is what we get.

With that W last night, the Sox pulled themselves back up to that elusive .500 mark. Kind of sad that they're still sitting behind a team from America Jr. but what are you going to do?

Schweep tonight would be schweet.

Hey look, it's Mike Sciosica winning a Macbook. Look at how excited he is. And now neck-less he is.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Jon Lester Makes Things Better

Really. He does. This makes two straight taint handings that Lester has handed out to the opposition handily. Lots of hands working on the side of Lester here in case you didn't know.

It appears that these Red Sox are going to be the off/on/off/off/on team that will single handedly (more hands) give half the Nation simultaneous heart attacks some time in the next 4 months. In one hand (no clue where this hand sh*t is coming from) it makes the team seem more exciting, but on the other (you know) it's really kind of aggravating to not know what the hell is going to happen night to night.

Tonight Lackey faces his old team of marble mouthed mumblers for the first time since he brought his marbles to Boston. The Sox have already cleared the air about the Angels coming back into Boston on the same high they left last year but standing wise it'd be well advised if they got up to that .500 mark and stayed up there for more than 18 hours.

Oh yeah, that's Mike Scioscia winning the lottery. Pretty excited, isn't he?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I know, we've all heard about the fool that ran onto the middle of the field in Philly and got his ass lit up by a police officer with an itchy trigger finger on his tazer. Is it spelled "tazer", with a z? I don't care, because I think it sounds like lazer, and lazer should have a z in it too, although after carefully checking my trusty leather bound dictionary it definitely does not. I digress. However, it's pretty well known that if you pull a stupid stunt like run onto the middle of the field waving your free rally towel around like an idiot at the very least you're going to spend the night in jail but now Philly has upped the ante and we're looking at straight up semi-torture for the poor intoxicated amateur soul that tries to make the blooper reel.

After what happened to the 1st base coach in Chicago a few years ago, the security definitely has the right to use force with any dipsh*t that tries to make it from the fence to 2nd base, but is tazing going to be the new thing now? I'm guessing all the press this is getting is more or less an open invite to a bunch of equally stupid sh*t heads and dipsh*ts and possibly dumbsh*tasses, to see what happens around the country when they jump the wall. Honestly though I could care less about these guys, I just hope Heidi has her tazer all charged up and if she doesn't have one I'm going to start a petition to get her one. Of course I get to deliver it and sign the card, but I'll put every one's name on it. Don't worry.


Boston sports teams took 3 cities to the wood shed last night: Celts over Cleveland, B's over Philly, and the Sox over the west coast version of themselves.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Whats on my TV

TV priority list for tonight:
  • 1) Celtics at Cavaliers, game 2
  • 2) Flyers at Bruins, game 2 (and I hate hockey)
  • 3) Family Guy
  • 4) Spongebob Squarepants
  • 5) Cops
  • ...
  • 98) Loop of the local forecast on the Weather Channel
  • 99) Recorded session of the U.S. House of Representatives on CSPAN
  • 100) Angels at Red Sox

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Train Wreck

You see Thomas up there? Yeah, he's not happy because he's been derailed. Similar to how the Sox season derailed just moments ago when they were swept by the worst team in baseball.
Call it realism. Call it pessimism. Call it bandwagoning. Call it whatever you like, but its May 2nd, and the 2010 Red Sox are officially done. Guess we'll just have to play with toy trains for the rest of the summer. commence reverse jinx now.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Where 's the surrender flag?

Its the 8th inning and its 12-8 Orioles, 5 dingers let up by Sox pitching. Despite the Sox slowly clawing back in this thing and still having a chance to win, they're making the Baltimore Orioles look superhuman. Who at 5-18, the Orioles are owners of the league's worst record by 4 games just 23 games into the season.

In other news:
Daisuke Matsuzaka: 4.2 IP, 6 earned runs.
Its been awhile since he's pitched, and boy does he looks old...

this team sucks.

Why Hello Mr. Matsuzaka. The Usual I Presume?

It's been a while since we've seen Daisuke in a game that counts, but it's good to know that he's the same old guy. FYI, that's not him, but here's his line:

4.2 IP, 7 R, 6ER, 7H, 3BB, 4K, 2HR, 11.57 ERA.

To say that he hit a wall in the 4th inning (He had let up only 1 run after 3) would be like saying, well it'd be like saying he hit a f*cking wall because that's exactly what he did.

The worst part of it all, it's the friggin' Orioles. A team that is beyond hopeless at 5-18 and right now they are ripping the Sox apart, 11-6 in the 7th. I don't know about you, but seeing Dice leave after 4 and then witnessing Tito giving the "bring in Wake" sign to the 'pen, well that's not exactly making the burrito and Sam Adams I just had sit in my stomach any better.

Come on offense. It's the Orioles. Anything is possible.

And as I type this, it's now 11-8...

Olé Béltre

Adrian Beltre was billed as a defensive master mind with a swing that was supposedly patented for the odd angles of ye ol Fenway Park. So far the master mind has managed to tally up the most errors on the team. But it's OK, because here is what he had to say about his poor play:

I’m not trying to be bad. I’m not trying to let everybody down.

Well, it's good to know that he isn't trying to be bad. He also doesn't say anywhere that he's trying to be good. I'm a little confused. Could you help me, Adrian?

I’m just not playing the way I should be playing.

Ah, yes, well I could have told you that.

Adrian is batting .338 right now but let it be known that his .338 is one of the quietest you could ever imagine. He's not pelting the ball off the Monster like everyone said he would (he has 1 double off the wall) and he's definitely not ripping the ball with runners on, hence his 9 total RBIs with such a well maintained average. If everyone can get on Ortiz after 2 or 3 games, I say it's time to get on Beltre to step up the D and start knocking some guys around the bases.

Now if you would please excuse me I have a tee time to catch. Thank you.