Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Also, I have a confession. I miss Manny. I know it's crazy but the stupid comments and empty threats that come out of nowhere, I miss that excitement. Come on Boof, give us some zaney comments that are worthy of your name. No? Fine, I'll go back to warming myself with a candle.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Scene: The clubhouse at the player development complex.
Pedroia sees rookie shortstop Jose Iglesias across the aisle.
"Hey rookie," he says. "You're supposed to wear a jersey out there. I don't know how it is in Cuba with Fidel, but I'm running this joint."
"I'm serious," Pedroia said with a straight face before cracking up.
Its going to be a good summer.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
It would suck. Well the millions of dollars and fans and having the world at your command would be cool, but having to always be so politically correct when asked a question would kill me. For example: Mike Lowell answered some questions yesterday. You can bet one of those questions was something like:
Mike, how do you feel right now in your current position with the team?
And what does Lowell, who more or less has to hold his tongue, respond with?
...Yeah, it's not ideal.
Not ideal? Mr Lowell, you're a saint. Now what would I want to say in that position?
How do I feel? How the f*ck do you think I feel? I got traded, then un-traded because I had a frickin' hang nail on my thumb. Then I figure I'm going to be a Red Sox this year and these ass-hats sign a new 3B out of the blue. Now it's wait and see which teams wants to take a chance on the guy that the media has more less made out to have more medical problems than an episode of House. So how am I feeling? I'm feeling pretty god damn chipper right now thank you.
Lowell is too well balanced to say something like that, but remember, it's the quiet ones that make their statements by stabbing and shooting.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
*After watching that scene a few times, Barry Bonds just has a f*cking huge head. I always thought it was the juice, but it looks like he is going to tip over with that melon attached to his toothpick body. It's like the inverse Pamela Anderson effect or something.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Understanding that his playing time will be cut significantly this season, Tek learned how to levitate things in the offseason, you know, to keep himself busy on the bench. A skill that will come in handy when Lackey is looking for a water jug to tip over.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
We all watched or listened to or at least read some of the Tiger Woods confession/conscience clearing yesterday but a lot of what he said had an undertone that I'm guessing you didn't "get".
Good morning, and thank you for joining me.
Ok, that part is how it seems. As for the rest. I doubt it.
But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.
With disappointment comes change. A change that he eludes to next.
They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false.
Performance enhancing drugs, eh? Denying the use of them? This reeks of baseball to me.
I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be...
Then the camera blacked out and some things happened you might not realize. At this point Tiger was replaced with a Tiger-Bot that went on apologizing and finishing up his speech as the USGA planned, but Tiger had another idea. With a little hard work and some George Washingtons placed in the right people's hands I was able to obtain the actual remaining parts of the transcript and it reads like this:
"...although I don't know when the day I return to golf will be, I do know when I will return... to baseball. ::Pause for surprised looks and camera flashes:: Under the advising of some guys on this genius blog called "Educated Cheese" as of today I am officially a member of the Boston Red Sox. As you all know, I've been friends with Micheal Jordan for a long time and he also had a hand in this move. I feel I have accomplished everything in golf that I have set out to do, so it is time to change my mindset and get away from all the impurities that exist in golf and make the move to an honest, non-corrupt sport like baseball. Thank you for this opportunity and in closing, Yankees Suck."*
Wow. I was just as blown away as you are. Tiger coming to the Sox. Word is he plays all 3 OF positions. Finally, this team just got interesting.
* You can probably decide for yourself how much of this is true.
Friday, February 19, 2010
- Mike Cameron - Put out a rap album. He already has the cover with this picture here if they just photo shop some "gold teef" on this grill. Maybe it can be called "Center field: It's where I roam". I guess that sounds more like a hard rock album, but Cams can make it work.
- Youk joins the WWE part time - The team uses Mondays a lot as travel days, so Youk can kind of moonlight as "Beardo" on Monday Night Raw and take on Hulk Hogan and Sgt Slaughter. Those guys still wrestle, right? Wow, a quick "Beardo" Google tells me that name is taken. Yet another golden idea spoiled by a homeless looking rocker.
- Heidi Watney reports from her bedroom - I'm sorry. That's uncalled for. I need some baseball, pronto.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
We are not writers. We have no writing credentials or books "in the works" and we can't supply you with transcripts from a credible liberal arts college proving we passed the English. What we do have is an odd sense of humor that we (and sometimes only the two of us) find funny and we've gone and imposed our funny upon you, the fine readers of The Educated Cheese.
The Cheese officially began in the early summer of 2009. Originally just a stream of sport and pop-culture infused emails going back and forth between the two of us, we realized we needed to document some of these ideas in a better manner than our "Deleted Items" folder on Outlook. Blogs are a dime a dozen these days, and Red Sox blogs are currently going for half that, so while there will be times when we'll debate some stats and outcomes, there's a better chance we'll tie in a cheesy (pun slightly intended) 80's movie reference and then draw a crappy MS Paint cartoon making fun of someone in an attempt to keep us going at a different speed than everyone else out there (not that there's anything wrong with that). If you want in-depth analysis, UZR ratings, breaking trade news and back seat coaches second guessing last night's moves, well then you should check out some of the sweet links we have on the right side there. If you want Dodgeball quotes, Simpson references and a movie idea for "Caddy Shack 5" staring Kevin Youkilis as Bill Murray as the groundskeeper, well then sit back and enjoy.
Lastly, we'd like to send out a huge thank you to anyone who constantly takes the time out of their day to read our "work". When we started this we always said 'as long as one person is reading' and we still stand by that. As blog readers ourselves, we really appreciate the input, feedback and responses that we've received so far. So thank you for reading and feel free to drop us an email or put a comment up (they can be anonymous) or pretty much do anything you want short of posting incriminating pictures of us in any ongoing legal battles vs. the State of New York. Thanks again for reading the Cheese and stay tuned for our constant updates and awesomeness*
*Awesomeness is self assumed and is by no means an adjective used by anyone else describing us and/or our "work".
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Between that and all this new god damn snow this is just a hap-hap-happy day for all. Thanks hump-day. Thanks a lot.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
The rest of the February and all of March is really uneventful in the holiday department so from here on out we're on cruise control (assuming we can avoid any "Smarch" weather). Now it's all about who shows up to camp in what kind of shape talking about whatever contract they're looking for and the question that is looming over all our heads: Will NESN finally give us a Heidi beach party montage? Yup, that's baseball.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
- The love between Youk and a pulled pork sandwich. I'd hate to see the guy pork-less. The rampage he would go on if someone took his BBQ deliciousness would produce the first typhoon-icane-quake to hit the east coast since Bon Jovi and Springsteen both played in New Jersey in the same night.
- Tito loving Pedroia. The daily cribbage games? The longing looks across the dugout? The positive comments and oily back rubs that happen on what now seems like a constant basis? Teets misses playing the game and is re-living his youth through Dustin... in every way possible.
- My love of Jon Lester. The very first post we did here at the Cheese was last year and it was about Les and since then the guy keeps solidifying why we all love him so much. I feel that sometimes with Beckett and now Lackey on the team that Les kind of gets forgotten about in that 3rd slot, but truth be told the things he's done so far for this team and the things he's shown he can do, well I'm looking forward to my man-crush on him for many years to come.
Friday, February 12, 2010
12:15 PM - The truck just left. "We" stopped at Burger King about 2 blocks from Fenway. Driver got a whooper, fries and a diet coke. I got chicken tenders. Driver ran over to the Mobil station to grab a pack of smokes. This could be a long ride.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
After a quick Google, it appears that Giambi is still playing baseball. I know, I'm surprised too. He's a Rocky, or a Rockie rather. Well, you learn something every day.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
In case you haven't heard, the "people" who have "inside info" on "Nomar" are thinking that he's leaning towards retirement this year. I remember some of the messy break-ups the Sox had in the past, but the Nomar one will always stick out in my mind because it seemed like it dragged on forever and the way he fronted the media he tried to make it personal. There's so much that went on that fans don't know about, but from a performance stand point I'd say the team did what had to be done.
The number one thing I'll remember about Nomar, well besides his stupid walking up and down and back up the dugout stairs and his OCD glove adjustment thing before every AB is how the son of a bitch got his name. Some video game I played back in the 90's had a commentary EVERY SINGLE TIME he was at-bat to the tune of "If you ever wondered how Nomar got his name, it's his father's name "Ramon", backwards." Thank you video games, you've once again proved that my life started and will probably end with you.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
You know all those prospects that Theo wasn't going to trade away for someone like Adrian Gonzalez? Those guys are going to Florida to play with the big boys so we can all get a look at them when they play BC and Northeastern and the lower teams like the Pirates. Spring training is pretty boring when it's all said and done, but knowing that there are a half dozen guys we get to check out (sounds straight) that have been talked about so heavily the last few months makes it a lot more interesting.
Also, incase you were wondering, yes we are alive. I was in Florida fighting off giant gators and Steve was in Spain running with the bulls. No lie, he really was. Wait, those Bulls? Oh, well that's not nearly as dangerous.