What Tiger really said yesterday.

We all watched or listened to or at least read some of the Tiger Woods confession/conscience clearing yesterday but a lot of what he said had an undertone that I'm guessing you didn't "get".

Good morning, and thank you for joining me.
Ok, that part is how it seems. As for the rest. I doubt it.

But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.
With disappointment comes change. A change that he eludes to next.

They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false.
Performance enhancing drugs, eh? Denying the use of them? This reeks of baseball to me.

I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be...
Then the camera blacked out and some things happened you might not realize. At this point Tiger was replaced with a Tiger-Bot that went on apologizing and finishing up his speech as the USGA planned, but Tiger had another idea. With a little hard work and some George Washingtons placed in the right people's hands I was able to obtain the actual remaining parts of the transcript and it reads like this:

"...although I don't know when the day I return to golf will be, I do know when I will return... to baseball. ::Pause for surprised looks and camera flashes:: Under the advising of some guys on this genius blog called "Educated Cheese" as of today I am officially a member of the Boston Red Sox. As you all know, I've been friends with Micheal Jordan for a long time and he also had a hand in this move. I feel I have accomplished everything in golf that I have set out to do, so it is time to change my mindset and get away from all the impurities that exist in golf and make the move to an honest, non-corrupt sport like baseball. Thank you for this opportunity and in closing, Yankees Suck."*

Wow. I was just as blown away as you are. Tiger coming to the Sox. Word is he plays all 3 OF positions. Finally, this team just got interesting.

* You can probably decide for yourself how much of this is true.