You see, you see, he's not a machine, he's a man!!

Danny Bard is only a man. Up until last night we all may have thought different. A few walks, a home run and a throwing error (that could have lead to even more runs) proved that Danny Boy isn't made of iron, just blood and guts and poop you like and I. Well, that's what is inside me at least. The Rays, who looked like they might flounder (fish joke) away earlier this season after last years amazing run, seem determined to stick (fish stick, fish joke?) around and spoil a perfectly good Tuesday night.

That's alright, tonight Penny is on the mound. Doesn't have the same ring as "Josh Beckett is examining his ear-necklace wondering where to put tonight's victims' ear." but it's what we have right now folks.

Caption Contest!

"Quick, tag him, Youk pissed his pants."

"Brady, there's something different about you..."
"I have cake on my face."
"Noooooo, thats not it. Did Gisele give you a manicure?"

"weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Youk: "I'm balder!"
Pedroia: "No, I'm balder!"
Terry: "Fellas don't make me take my hat off."

We invite your own caption suggestions in the comments.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Sometimes off days seem to last longer than others and yesterday was one of those long ones. I stumbled after a Monday at work and turned on the tube actually looking forward to seeing that mess they call "The Trop" only to remember once I got to channel 851 that the Sox were off yesterday. It's amazing how nothing else on the 2 million channels you pay to have at your finger tips and nothing appeals to you when you're in the mood for the home team. I tried to meet myself half-way (yes, by this time I'm bargaining with myself but still losing) by watching whatever crap-fest was on ESPN but there was no Youk or Dustin or Eck. There was some minor league ball on NESN with mini-Youks and mini-Dustins and I didn't catch who was announcing but they could have mentioned cheese at one point but I'll never know because it was not my Red Sox.

Needless to say now I am even more pumped for tonight's game. Some people might bring up Lester's stats at the The Trop or how he's done agains the Rays (Devil and normal). Then again, some people blink. Enjoy and happy gameday.

Obscure Sox Factoids.

Today is an off day. One of only 5 the sox have til October, so I'll let them rest for this one while they head down to TB. To tide us all over here as some tasty little facts. Enjoy.

The 2004 Red Sox (remember them? Probably) won 98 regular season games that year. That's the most a Red Sox team has won since 1946 when they won 104. They also went to the WS that year but it didn't have the same magic as '04, or the same outcome.

Since 1930 the Sox have finished last in their division only once, in 1992. Some members of that team: Mo Vaughn, Roger Clemens, Billy Hatcher, Tom Brunansky/Hinske, Jody Reed, Wade Boggs and Frank "don't call me Frank" Viola.

In the last 30 years the lowest Sox yearly cumulative ERA was 3.58. Oddly enough, that year was 1992. Guess it wasn't Frank's fault they finished last.

The Sox are getting old, well, were getting old. In 2005 the average Sox age was just over 32 years of age. That is the oldest Red Sox team ever assembled. Thank you Timlin, Wake and Schill. Maybe they were counting Pesky because he was still wearing a uni back then.

5 current Red Sox players at one point played in the Cape Cod League. Youk, Jason Bay, Mike Lowell, Jason Varitek and Jacoby Ellsbury. Other note able Sox that passed time on the arm of MA; Bill Meuller, Mark Bellhorn, Nomar, Justin Masteron, Carlton Fisk (back then it was just Cod, the Cape was established in '72) and Mo Vaughn. Jason Varitek is the only Sox player to have a 3 year tenure on the 'Cod.

Ted Turner is the second coming of Hitler.

So, I'm out all day running around so I caught most of the Sox game on the radio, but I get home and I'm flipping through the channels and what do I hear on TBS during the Phils and Giants game? Sir Eck himself is doing the color. Whether this was just today or the entire weekend I do not know, but Eck is dropping some serious hairy cheese knowledge on the rest of the free world now. I know he's done some before, but I have no problem in taking some credit for re-launching him and his game calling career beyond the realm of Red Sox Nation.

As for the Bo-Sox, they put up some serious numbers in Baltimore this afternoon. Not exactly what you want to see out of Buchs, but a good effort by the offense no doubt. Since I was listening on the radio, my volume control got some serious use with Joey C. and his constant "This one's hit well, it's deep, back to the wall... and he brings it in, in front of the track." He always gets me. Every f&*king time. And every single time I throttle the volume up to a deafening level as to think this helps the ball carry or something. Tomorrow is an off day so we'll have some kind of fun game waiting here for you all so make sure to chiggidty check it out.

FOX presents: When Josh Beckett Attacks

For lack of a better description, Joshua Patrick Beckett is pitching right now. Actually he is pitching like a f*cking animal right now to be precise. How much of an animal you may ask? Peep this. It's probably a bit of a surprise, but Becks only has 5 shut-outs in his career and 3 of them have come this year. The guy is tearing it up, plain and simple. Not only that, but that kid the Sox DIDN'T trade away, Bard, had himself a nice little 9th inning with 2 Ks on only 9 pitches. Yes I know it's the Orioles, but with the Yanks getting their taints handed to them I'll take a Sox win and a full game in the standings however it comes. So let's sweep it up tomorrow with that other guy that didn't get traded yesterday on the hill.

Tradered

First off, farewell Lex Luther. We hardly knew you or your looming plans to bring some freaky stones back to this planet and kill off Superman.

With the trades made The Sox now have a very loggy log jam going on with the lineup it seems someone's feelings are going to be hurt on a pretty consistent basis unless they can think of a new position like First Catcher or Third platesman. I however think they can pull off a new position, they just have to make it look like they're permanently playing a shift but sneak someone else in there and then when they have to bat just don't let whatever rotating door of a shortstop they have in there ever touch a bat. Problem solved. Pretty sure Theo could have used me in the bunker yesterday when he was going to war with The Friars and the Jays.

Honestly though, this could get interesting. I'm guessing we're going to start seeing a lot of pinch hitters later in games. I will say this once and only once and never admit to saying it again, but I wish the Sox were in the NL right now because we would probably see some sick double and triple switches and D.O.'s would start losing whatever hair he has left trying to figure out how to write out his score sheet.