I think I broke my Kotsay

Karma. Mark Kotsay (wife featured here, here and here) going bridge twice in 2 games against his old team. I wish the Sox weren't his latest "old team". However last night was the Gavin Floyd show for most of the evening. I don't really see the karma in that, but the first example works much better.

I guess my whole "getting your ass kicked one night and bringing the pain the next" was just a little too much to ask. Speaking of two much to ask, Steve and I constantly berate JD Drew via emails, phone messages and primitive Mayan drawings (aka Sox Toons using MS paint) but I think it's time we move on to Ortiz. He had that week in August with a Papi-like 5 HRs and more RBIs than we could all count (13) but since then it's been back to the 09 version of Ortiz we all don't really know. This is the call-out. Senor Ortiz, it's time to step it up. I'm not asking for an 06 swat fest, I'm not even asking for some kind of amazing comeback to what we call "Papi-form", I'm just looking for getting that average up around the .240 mark and delivering a hit or two when needed. If our Drew lashings have taught us anything, THIS will work. Expect big things people.

THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER

Not even a rousing game of "10 degrees of Bacon" can heal the wounds of last night. At least now we know how Junky Tazawa will be used for the rest of the season. A butt whooping loss like that can only anger the troops to the point of where tonight has the potential to be a spark for the rest of the series. It also has the potential for Youk to go barreling into the White Sox dugout and smack Ozzie Guillen right in his pie-hole for some of his comments. While there was nothing that crazy said last night, at least not on the Ozzie-Meter, there's always the chance he gives us something cool to write about. So for tonight, I say a taint handing to the pale Sox and some good Ozzie quotes about how he hates Wake's knuckler and his team is a bunch of fairies.

Baseball + Marine life = Crazy

Nice work by the good guys last night to finish off those jerks from the Sunshine State. But as a person with minimal attention span, I quickly became distracted when the NESN cameras reminded us of one of the many eye sores at Tropicana Field... the tank of devil rays in centerfield. Really? You need to put an aquarium of the team mascot in the stadium? Look, if its the Tampa Bay Pissed-off Great White Sharks, I'm on board... put a tank of those suckers beyond the outfield wall, throw a few dolphins in there for food, and I'm buying front row seats, er, maybe 10th row. But a tank of mild-mannered sting rays? Kids pet these things at Sea World. And despite having a stinger, as near as I can tell, only one crazy a$$hole in the history of mankind was capable of aggravting them enough to use it. So I ask you, loyal Cheese readers, is the Ray tank an obnoxious gimmick that mocks the old thyme sanctity of baseball? Or is it a clever educational novelty? Maybe it'll spark a new trend, who knows...

_________

Red Sox - In an attempt to boost ticket revenues among kids under age 12, Sox management puts a giant 'Sock Drawer' next to the visitor bullpen. All goes well, until it becomes known that they're Kevin Youkilis' used socks.

Phillies - The Phillies' recent acquistion of Pedro Martinez wasn't intended to have him pitch, but rather help construct the world's largest mound of cream cheese.

Pirates - The Pirates don't draw much these days, and the crowds only got thinner after an incident involving real pirates forcing fans to walk the plank off the outfield wall.

Orioles - In a scene right out of Hitchcock's "Birds", thousands of orioles descend upon Camden Yards, giving the stadium the nickname "The Aviary". No injuries. Lots of bird poop.

Diamondbacks - Snakes. everywhere. Sam Jackson is nowhere to be found.

Indians - nevermind. too violent.

Cubs - Oh yeah, you think they're cute. Little known fact about bear cubs though, eating ivy that grows on walls makes them go crazy.

Rockies - During the 4th inning of every game, boulders randomly flood the stands. Dangerous yes, but just think about all the geology the kids can learn.

Brewers - Nevermind the tank of Rays, the Brew Crew ups the ante, by filling their entire stadium with beer. Fans rejoice.

Sox Toons, Episode 1

Sox-Yanks, September game, critical moment, Tek makes his way to the mound...

“Ok, Wake, I think we go with another knuckleball here. A-Rod will never suspect it.”


“Whaddya think for dinner? Italian or Japanese? Theres that new joint in Downtown Crossing.”

“Huh?”

“Food, Tek. This game is over.”

“Its bases loaded in the 5th and we’re up by 1, that’s why I came out to the mound. This game is far from over.”

“Aren't you hungry though? We have to get here at 4pm for every 7pm game, we never have time for dinner.”

“But its 6-5, A-Rod is up and hes already taken you deep. Oh, Matsui is on deck.”


“You’re right, lets get Japanese.”

Attention old or fat rehabbing pitchers.

Stop coming here. We(the fans) don't want you to keep breaking our hearts by strolling into town with high hopes of you turning it around here in Boston and being forever grateful to the Sox for giving you that last chance you so rightfully deserve and then frigging stinking up the joint and running away to the NL only to dominate, which in case you weren't looking at your stats in the AL is the exact opposite of what you were doing here. It's not funny. Everyone REACHED to try and find positives about Smoltz that were never there. "He retired 7 in a row at one point." Yes, to go with the 5 he let score in the second. Now Penny goes to the only thing weaker than the NL Central, the NL west, and Pwn3d the Phils. 8 effing innings of shutout ball against the defending champs. Christ. Next time Theo has some brain fart about bringing a washed up starter here I'm going to break out the ol waterboard and make him squirm.

Oh yeah, Sox lost last night. Wasn't necessarily because of Sir Spits-a-lot, but Beckett wasn't at his best (again) and eventually the pen collapsed. The Rays walk the bases loaded with 1 out and all the Sox get out of it is one run on a wild pitch. It was that type of game towards the end. Let's do 2 out of 3 down there because the effin Yanks still aren't losing.

3-13 is a lot better than 2-14

The Sox getting beat down at the Trop is a common occurrence over the last 2 years. That 2-13 record down there in the regular season straight up sucks. Luckily, last night most of the Sox (cough, oki, cough) were playing like this was the post season and those regular season numbers don't mean sh*t. JD Drew continued to tear it up and I swear to God I thought I saw a smile on his face in the dug out after that home run. Turns out he just had some sun flower seeds caught in his teeth and he was having Alex Gonzalez trying to pick them out, but the fact that he's comfortable with A-gon and a tooth pick up near his chompers, I think that means JD is coming around folks. Teeth are very important.

The big thing for tonight's game, well besides the 500 times Garza is going to make the mound his own personal spittoon, is that Paps got 6 outs last night, sooooooo he's probably unavailable tonight. If the Sox are up, do they go Wags or Bard or Saito? Nick Green? Where's the D-bag Dane Cook telling me there's only one September? Sidenote to TBS, please never let him on TV again. Thanks in advance.

Oh yeah, that little kid in center made some pretty sweet grabs last night too.

Umm, yeah...

Junichi Tazmanian Devil.

Because. thats why. (yesterday was an off day and we couldn't think of anything else.)

Also, this...