Bye-Bye

Hi Folks. Just here to say good-bye. Nice knowing you, 2010. You fought (somewhat) admirably... at times. Other times you f*cking trotted Daniel Nava and Bill Hall out there and called this a f*cking team. Oh, and let's not forget John Lackey and his stellar 13-11 wicked high ERA and WHIP and SUCK factor to go along with all the millions they tossed his way. It's ok though. No bitterness here. Maybe only against the bullpen that blew more saves than... ok. I'm not stooping to that level of blow jokes. I need some time to collect my thoughts.

Hey, We're Alive

Well, more alive than the Red Sox at least. You know when you get really busy at work that when you go home you think about work and when you go to your beer league softball game you think about work and when you're at work you think about sleeping because all that thinking about work makes you tired? Yeah. That's what's up right now. Thanks work.

Apparently it took roughly 5 months, but John Lackey pitched last night. I know, he's been "pitching" all season, but last night he actually showed up. Maybe if it was July and he turned in a 7 inning 1 run show then I'd be excited, but the guy's been MIA the entire year and now he has the balls to go out and put on a show against the O's in September with 20,000 strong watching? What a douche. Now during the off-season Teets can say how strong Lackey finished the year and deflect the angry energy and empty beer bottles that will be thrown his way. Can't this season just end already?

The Effin' Blue Jays

I know how negative I've been about The Sox making any kind of run or at least making the remaining 6 Yankee games something to watch, but in the back of my mind I really did think they would make that run and make things interesting. I honestly thought they could. The schedule looked like it could work, those closing wins on the west coast swing, I really did think it could set up some kind of magic. Then the f*cking Blue Jays come in and f*ck things up. The god damn Blue Jays? We threw $35M worth of salary at them on the mound the first two games and got jack sh*t in return. Granted the season really ended when JD Drew caught that foul ball in Tampa back however many weeks ago, but now it's really over. O-V-E-R.

So, may I now direct your full and undivided attention to The Patriots. Last week was awesome. With all the sh*t that the Jets and Less-than-sexy-Rexy have talked this week it suggests another awesome game is in the works for this afternoon. Moss and Welker will not be visiting Revis Island, Brady is going to stay upright and this Mark Franchize character is going to get lit up like a friggin Christmas tree.

Tom Brady Doesn't Like You

That's right. Tom Brady has an issue with YOU! I'm looking right at you. Yup, if you A) drive a red mini-van or if you B) leave a Patriots game early when it's a blow out so you miss the 27 hours of traffic/involuntary parking on Route 1.

"...when I looked up, half the stadium was gone when we were up 21 points early fourth quarter, which I wasn't so happy about..."

Oh Tom. You crazy SOB. Ok, so the guy got a little upset about people leaving. No biggie. Home opener, he expected people to stick around. It's not like he said something positive about the Jets in the same breath.

"I don't think the Jets fans leave early. They're going to be loud the whole game."

Well then. Whether it's the architecture of Gillette Stadium or the fact that people just aren't loud enough for all 48 minutes, Tom is upset. And you know what happens when Tom gets upset? He hits sh*t in his car. I have to go into Boston tomorrow and now I have to worry about Tom whippin' around a corner plowing into my ride.

For the record, I was at the game on Sunday and during EVERY SINGLE 3rd down on defense and offense EVERY SINGLE patron within eye sight of me was standing and cheering. Ok, there was a pretty drunk guy behind me that kept yelling at me for standing on every big play, but I think he thought he was standing and was getting upset that I was 18 feet tall and he couldn't see. For another record, I did leave with 6 minutes left in the 4th quarter because I knew the drive home to NH to would be killer enough without the Route 1 traffic making me want to murder everything in sight. So in closing, Tom, chillax brotha man. Keep throwing the passes and let us non-Audi crashing peeps worry about the noise level.

Is The Joker The Answer?

If you can't see The Joker in the smile of Jed Lowrie then you sir, or madame, need glasses. Thick Coke bottle ones too because that guy right there might as well be wearing a purple suit jumping around getting "POW"-ed and "BLAM"ed by Batman himself. I digress. Last year, to put it simply, Lowrie sucked. Sure he wasn't around for long before he got some sort of virus that kept him out of the lineup most of this year too, but for a fragile looking Clay Buchholz type we all expected Clay Buchholz production, except at SS instead of on the mound. Lowrie didn't not (double negative there, catch that?) let us down with a sub .150 average and some crappy D to boot. This year in his limited action so far the kid has either run into a few more fastballs than expected, or found his power stroke. Whatever it is, if it's something positive we can take away from this year, well then god damnit I'm taking it.

Maroney to the Broncos? Ok I guess. Dreadlock McFumbles can take his indecisive dancing self else where. It's not like the Pats don't have another 20 RBs sitting back there waiting for their total of 3 carries a game. The Pats aren't a running team, they don't need a stud RB, so a combo of Old Man Morris, Older Man Taylor and The Law Firm should work out just fine on those short down situations. Besides, we're all about TE's in NE now right? Watch out Rex, there's not enough room for Gronk and Moss on Revis Island!!! That sounded kind of like Hulk Hogan. Brotha.

That's the view that I had yesterday from my sweet ass seats at the only relevant sporting event that a Massachusetts based team is competing in. Sorry Red Sox, you have worn your 2010 relevance right the hell out. What a great game to be a part of at Gillette though. The D looked good, Brady was pumped right from the start and he hit the Patriots equivalent of Dustin Pedroia early and often enough to complete the 38-24 drubbing of the Bengals. Then afterwards we got an awesome post-game interview from Randy Moss that had a little bit of Allen Iverson (Contract? We talking about a contract?) mixed with a dash of reality bending BS when Moss said "I need to provide for my family. This is a business." I don't care to go through the iron he's made in his career but I'm guessing it's enough to provide for his family and my family. And my family has a nasty, NASTY Zebra Cake eating habit. Nasty I tell you. 30 boxes a day. They're like white striped cigs for us.

Anyways, it's football season now. Educated Cheese transforms into "Educated Whatever The Hell Sport We Can Find To Distract Us From Daily Work". Welcome to the new site. I hope you enjoy.

I Am Ready For Some Football

Are The Sox still playing? More importantly, does it really matter if they are? On top of that, for late games like those against Oakland, I dare someone to tell me they actually stayed up past midnight to watch that crapfest.

On to more important things. Yes, more important than Tom Brady's fender bender, if something of that magnitude even exists. After such an, umm, awesome season of baseball, tomorrow marks the start of the NFL season here in New England. I will be at the game, sitting pretty on the 50 yard line with much thanks to my "contractor" friends for the sweet seats. If I wasn't excited enough for a sport to start up to distract me from The BoSox and their constant effort to suck more than they did the day before, with the start of the NFL comes another season of fantasy football. My life blood from tomorrow until February. Fantasy football is quite possibly the best combination of sports and gambling to ever grace this fine world. During baseball season I only have the attention span to watch one game at a time, but thanks to the other billion fantasy football nerds taking up space in this world, there are approximately 873 different ways for me to get info on my fantasy football teams 24 hours a day, therefore constantly feeding my habit.

Red Sox, see you in March. Please do something about that bullpen and try to keep the rest of the team alive and breathing, because at this point that seems like the next step in this process of DL trips. Patriots, see you tomorrow, you fantasy full filling sons of bitches.

Deodorant on Drugs

Dear Old Spice Commercials,

I don't get you at all.

Signed,

Confused and Creeped Out

Brady crash

New photo from the Brady crash...

Tom Brady - Not a Good Driver

This morning local handsome QB hunk Tom Brady was in a car accident in Boston. Witnesses on the scene say Brady's vehicle struck another car on the corner of Commonwealth Ave. The police report states that Brady was "applying a 'Zack Morris' dose" of hair moose when he lost control of his Audi and hit an oncoming car. Luckily for Brady no injuries were reported, but he was late for his 8 AM hair styling session/yoga lesson.

If this isn't the best way to start the Pats season then I don't know what is.

Sox Recap - Sept 7th

The game started out OK. Everyone was at a party, wishing this guy good luck as he moved on to a new job in Japan. It was hard to say good-bye to his ex-girlfriend, but it's cool, just have a few more shots. Then all of a sudden there's this rumbling outside an oil tanker goes under in the harbor, car alarms start going off nearby and buildings get demolished. Scary stuff. So everyone is running, scared, there's a monster, there's some military guys shooting, it got all crazy. At the end only two people survive, oh and a camcorder, because there has to be evidence of it all. Then something falls into the water. Weird.

Oh, by the way, I watched Cloverfield last night, not The Sox game. Why would I watch The Sox?

Tales from the road

Been on the road for the last week, and couldn't have timed it any better as the Sox have gone Triple-A on us, and hung it up for 2010. I've been up in the Great White North (Canada, for those of you who skipped geography class). And because my only communication device is a Zack Morris edition cell phone, and thankfully Canadian hotel TV doesn't exactly highlight basebally activities, I came home Saturday only to find out the Sox had gone on a September bender and had laughably fallen 10 back. However, all was not lost. I did manage to sneak into the Skydome/ Insert Random Canadian Sponsor Stadium, and messed with all the Blue Jays stuff just so the Sox don't have to worry about falling into 4th place before the season is done (which may still happen).

The view from the "expensive" seats. In Toronto terms, that's $45. At Fenway that would get you napkin. Ok, half a napkin.

Don and Jerry's seats in the Skydome. I only know this because Rem-Dawg's gang tag was carved into the desk.

The media booth. I believe this is Dan Shaugnessy's phone. I blew snots all over it.

Little known fact: all of the infield seats at the Skydome rotate on cast iron wheels to convert the field for football. That's right, if someone where so motivated, you could hijack the seats at the Skydome. I'm drawing up plans as we speak.

The Blue Jay will never mess with me again. I honked his nose.

Me managing the Red Sox. As you can see there's nobody on the field because everybody is on the DL.

Me pretending to be a professional baseball player robbing Marco Scutaro of a double. Ha, I'm kidding myself... Marco could never hit one that far.

The impressive Vernon Wells view. With the dome closed, it almost feels like being in the Barnum & Bailey's Motorcycle Cage of Death.

The view from the CN Tower. Still can't figure out how the roof works. So I squished it with my fingers.

Stopped by Montreal for an Expos game. As you can see, it was a sellout crowd.

Pretty Sure Today Solidified Things

This is not 2004. This team is not magical. Blame whatever, but stop pretending. Watch the games to watch the games and root on the team you love, but if today didn't solidify it for you that this team has no hope for October, well then you my friend are drunk. Crazy drunk off your ass drunk. I mean like you blacked-out and someone kept pouring booze down your mouth and you're still taking in that booze and you're drunk, drunk. That much. Sorry for the cold, hard reality, but really how many times can this bullpen do this and still expect fans to show up?

Football starts soon. Then those other sports with balls and pucks and whatnot. All is not lost in life, just in baseball for 2010.

How Do I Know it's Over?

Being a bunch of games out of the wild card may be the most obvious sign, but I know it's over because this week I was offered up tickets to Saturday night's game... and I passed. I know, Manny coming back, beautiful weekend, why wouldn't you want to spend it at Fenway? I'm not really sure why I passed. I think if I went to the game it would have given me some glimmer of hope and I don't want that anymore. I know, the negativity of it all, it's horrible but right now there's no other way to feel. Seeing as The Sox have accomplished all this on their own, they can probably make it the rest of the way without me at any of their games.

Good Karma and a Chance to Hit Some Dingers

As a website that apparently more and more people keep reading (I know, I’m shocked) we get a fair amount of emails regarding contests, charity events, advertising, all you can eat buffets, pretty much you name it and we get emails asking us to mention something. So far, I admit, I have done a horrible job at following up on these requests, and to those people that have contacted us, we apologize. So, in an attempt to get into heaven and slide the karma scale back to “Good” and away from “fiery hell pit”, I do believe we will try and accommodate some of the readers, especially when it comes down to charities.

As baseball fans and more or less stupid young men barely young enough to still attempt to live out passed years of glory, Steve and I both have/currently participate in an over 21 year old baseball league based out of Woburn, MA called Men’s Nighttime Baseball League. This summer tragedy struck a fellow player/manager’s son. My good friend Tony, with help from his fellow league mates, are putting on a charity event to raise money to cover the costs of the untimely funeral with any additional funds being donated to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. The fundraiser is being held at Ferullo Field in Woburn on September 18th from 11am to 3:30 PM. For those of you that haven’t been to Ferullo (which I’m sure many haven’t) this is a beautiful, full sized (as in dimensions similar to any MLB stadium) field where they will be holding a HR Derby for all levels of players, having some BBQ, a sweet raffle and just making an attempt to show someone how good the world can be when you need it. Steve and I will both be there to show our support and attempt to hit some dingers. I'm predicting I go bridge once... over the fence that they are putting up for 12 year olds. For more information check out the MNBL Homepage or email Tony at tonysalamone19@gmail.com .

The Unfairness of the AL East

As we wait out the days until the Red Sox are mathematically eliminated (compared to just emotionally eliminated like now) I couldn't help but wish The Sox played in any division besides the AL East. As I'm sure you know, the best record in the MLB is owned by the jerks from NY. In the unfair world we live in, the second best record in the MLB also resides in the AL East with TB. The Sox fall into 3rd place in the AL East, 7 games away from 2nd place and 8 games out from the top. If Boston was in any other division in the existence of the world, or MLB, they would be tied for first place or at worst 3 games out of first and sitting in 2nd. In short, they would still be relevant. The 30 whatever games left would be interesting. Youk and Pedroia would want to come back. It'd be beautiful. There would be exciting September baseball. But no. Instead we're left sitting in 3rd. Looking up at two teams. Waiting for snow.