The return of Mumbles

"Hey Wally, I'm Mumbles Menino, and I am still your Mayor."


"Also, much like a cookie, I predict the Yankee dynasty will crumble, and the results will be delicious for Red Sox fans."

Tonights the night

It's old man vs old man. 38 year old Pedro vs 37 year old Pettitte tonight. Let's all hope that first half of the season rest will help Pedro stay fresh tonight and the Phils can get into the Yanks bullpen early and let Joba implode on his home turf. Speaking of Joba, his mom (the lovely woman pictured here) was sentenced to 20 years for her little meth problem that arose back in May. You can definitely see the family resemblance.

I see many posts in the future today. Stay tuned for more.

Inevitable

::Agent Smith has Neo in a headlock with a subway train approaching::

"You hear that, Mr.Anderson? That's the sound of inevitability."
_________

Remember that scene from The Matrix? One of the better fight scenes.

Anyways, thats how I feel about the 2009 New York Yankees. Its inevitable. They'll win it all. Eventually. I'll wake up one of these mornings and the train will hit me (in the form of Sportscenter news while I sit on my couch with a bowl of Cheerios, not an actual train with the conductor yelling out "The Yankees won the World Series!" just before the train hits me, though that might be less painful). And unfortunately, I'm not The One, and neither are the Philadelphia Phillies, and I won't be able to miraculously come back after Agent Smith seemingly has me cornered. But I'll tell you what, they made two more lousy Matrix movies after that one, so might as well follow suit, and drag this World Series out as much as possible.

Meanwhile, while we're on stupid baseball-movie analogies, in retrospect, isn't Keanu Reeves' career alot like the Red Sox franchise for the past 20 years or so? Its a huge stretch by me here, but lets review:

• Keanu had a monster cult hit ("Bill and Ted") = Sox in the mid-late 80's ('86 series).
• Then Keanu had some random stuff ("Point Break") where he showed his face to confirm he was still alive = Sox mediocrity in the 90's, but win division in '95.
• Keanu comes back full force with the Matrix and becomes a silver screen superstar and pop-culture icon = Sox finally make it back to the world series and win in '04 and '07, the darlings of the baseball world.
• Then Keanu kind of fell off the face of the Earth and lost his luster, but thanks to his stardom from the Matrix he's still an 'A' list star everywhere he goes, but people aren't sure why = Sox '08 to now.

Nope, that's awful. I'm bitter. Save me from baseball hell. Come back soon, Red Sox.

Now there's the AJ we all know and love

2 innings, 4 walks, 6 ER. That's more like it. Yes sometimes even a blind squirrel finds a nut, but AJ got his nuts smacked around like a speed bag last night and only gave McCarver 2 innings to comment on how great Burnett's curveball is. The best thing about last night, besides the Burnett taint-handing, is that with the Yankee lose that means we get to see Pedro go again on Wednesday night in NY. Worst case scenario, we get another day of Pedro quotes. Best case scenario, we get to watch Cole Hamels on Thursday too.

Also, in true anti-Yankee fashion, let's celebrate Chase Utley tying Reggie Jackson's HR record in the World Series. One more and Mr. October gets shown up by a second baseman with more grease in his hair under his helmet than a lot of people have under their car.

Hey Tommy(Yankees) I didn't hear no bell

Alright Philly, it's time to sack up and sound off like you have a pair left. Round up all your cheese steaks, your liberty bells, your horrible Southwest commercials that we were all exposed to for umpteen months and beat the bag out of the god damn Yankees tonight and show the world that last year wasn't a fluke against the friggin' D-Rays. We've seen miracles against these guys from NYC and there's no reason you can't bring the pain tonight. Look, you even have Rocky and his alcoholic brother in-law rooting you on. Think of all the alcoholics you'd be letting down if you lose. Think about it.

Tim McCarver sinks to a new low

First on the list of FU's this morning is Joe Giradi and his supposed "managing" of the game last night. Apparently Joe thinks managing means "boring the f*ck out of everyone watching" because his constant walking out to the mound to talk about pitch selection and to make sure CC doesn't need another burger made a great game feel like a tweezing of one's most privatest hairs.

Then the McCarver sh*t show. It was around the 5th or 6th inning when about 10 times during one at bat that McCarver repeatedly said "Jorge Posada is like Tom Brady." Fuck you, Tim. That's right, I wrote the swear out because * and # don't really show the proper level of disdain I have against you. First off, don't compare a Patriots player to a Yankee. It's wrong in so many ways. Then to keep saying it over and over, as if everyone watching wasn't already trying to Google your home address and getting the flaming bags of poop ready, is just pure stupidity. Is it really any wonder that there are multiple sites dedicated to how much this man sucks.

Game 5 tonight. At least hit A-rod again.

Not that happiest Halloween

It must have been all the beer we drank, but as a collective Nation we obviously were not rooting hard enough for the Yanks to get beat on again. I'll step up and take some of the blame. I was far too engulfed in a marathon of scary movies, Pumpkinhead beer and ducking behind the windows to avoid handing out any candy to kids. So the series definitely goes back to NY? Big deal. I'm keeping my hopes up, despite the bag of Kit-Kats that are still mocking me.