How the Jason Bay deal DIDN'T go down

So, P-Gam is reporting that The Sox and Jason Bay were in agreement mid-season last year for a 4-year, $80M deal but then things went south when a physical regarding his bum knees came up and as we all know, Bay is now a Met. For those of you not in the loop as much as I am privileged to be, here is how it went down.

Theo: Jason, this is great. We're really happy we can get this thing worked out now in July rather than waiting til this winter.
Jason: Me too. It will be nice to spend the next 4 years here in Boston.
Theo: Sweet. Now we'll just finish up the physical and we're good to go.
Jason: Oh. Ok. Well, why don't I finish signing the contract first, then we can do the physical.
Theo: Hmm. I won't try to read too deep into that. Why don't you just hop up here on the table and we'll check out your HOLY F*CKING CHRIST YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LEG!!
Jason: What are you talking about?
Theo: Your leg? Like, not plural, I mean, as in one, because you only have one. Well, like one and a quarter with that stub thing. When did this happen?
Jason: Well, you've all just been so darn kind to me since last year, remember the whole "Bay State" thing and people really liked me sooooo no one really double checked the physical annnnnd I've always been missing a leg. The Pirates kind of embraced it.
Theo: Well f*ck me this changes things.
Jason: Oh. How so?
Theo: Well, for one it explains the poor defense thing, and there's no way we offer you 4 years if you only have one leg.
Jason: I see.
Theo: Two years max.
Jason: HA! No way. I'm a top tier free agent. This is my pay day. How is the Met's outfield looking these days anyways?

So it was more of a leg thing than a knee thing, but Gammy didn't have the inside scoop quite like we did.

One Hundred BILLION dollars!!!

That's how much the MLB Network and MLB.com must have paid Peter Gammons for leaving ESPN to now sit beside Mitch Williams, Matt Varschuersomething and ex-ESPN-er Harold Reynolds. Gammons, who was best known for making ESPN tolerable through what I refer to as the "Stuart Scott era", leaves an absolute wake of awesomeness behind him as he instantly makes MLB network analysis something not to miss. As a Sox fan, and Gammons as a lifer around these parts, I've felt that Gammy (What Tito calls him) always wanted to blurt out some anti-Yankee sentiment in the middle of some of his trade rumors.

"Word has it, Stuart, that The Yankees are going to go after CC Sabathia, Mark Teixera AND AJ Burnett... did I read that right? Do these asshats have no shame? Great, that leaves what, table scraps for the rest of the league. F#*kin' Yankees. Back to you Stuart, you lazy eyed motha f#&ker."

So now Gammons continues his analytical dominance at a channel which really was made especially for him. 100% baseball all the time. Hell, even the field they have in the studio looks like somethings Gammy could have ran around on in his hay-day.

**EDIT** Hold the effin' phones. My apologies for the first part of this post that I wrote last night, but now they're saying Petey boy is also going to be working for NESN in 2010? So what you're telling me is we get DO, Remy, Watney, Rice, The Eck AND Gammy?!?! This is like a movie about Micheal J Fox driving a time machine into Rocky's fight with the Russian while Arnold is just about to give the thumbs up to Jessica Biel (clothes optional) as he's dipped into a tub of "magma" and Peter Gammons is doing play by play on the entire thing. Wow. Just wow. See you around Gammy.