How the Jason Bay deal DIDN'T go down

So, P-Gam is reporting that The Sox and Jason Bay were in agreement mid-season last year for a 4-year, $80M deal but then things went south when a physical regarding his bum knees came up and as we all know, Bay is now a Met. For those of you not in the loop as much as I am privileged to be, here is how it went down.

Theo: Jason, this is great. We're really happy we can get this thing worked out now in July rather than waiting til this winter.
Jason: Me too. It will be nice to spend the next 4 years here in Boston.
Theo: Sweet. Now we'll just finish up the physical and we're good to go.
Jason: Oh. Ok. Well, why don't I finish signing the contract first, then we can do the physical.
Theo: Hmm. I won't try to read too deep into that. Why don't you just hop up here on the table and we'll check out your HOLY F*CKING CHRIST YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LEG!!
Jason: What are you talking about?
Theo: Your leg? Like, not plural, I mean, as in one, because you only have one. Well, like one and a quarter with that stub thing. When did this happen?
Jason: Well, you've all just been so darn kind to me since last year, remember the whole "Bay State" thing and people really liked me sooooo no one really double checked the physical annnnnd I've always been missing a leg. The Pirates kind of embraced it.
Theo: Well f*ck me this changes things.
Jason: Oh. How so?
Theo: Well, for one it explains the poor defense thing, and there's no way we offer you 4 years if you only have one leg.
Jason: I see.
Theo: Two years max.
Jason: HA! No way. I'm a top tier free agent. This is my pay day. How is the Met's outfield looking these days anyways?

So it was more of a leg thing than a knee thing, but Gammy didn't have the inside scoop quite like we did.