My TV is attacking me

If it's not attacking me right now, it soon will be. I was sitting around watching some regular old 2-D TV today and I saw a commercial pimping "3D-TV". So I says to myself,

"Self, you have to be pulling your/my proverbial chain. 3-D TV? What year is it? Where there hell is my freakin hover board?"

Now we've come pretty far in this world with all these VCR DVD Blu-Ray players and triple cheeseburgers, but I figured that when TV came into the 3-D world I would either be 6 feet under or at the least screaming at some nurse in whatever old people's home my Olympic athlete children have put me in.

To be fair I haven't read up enough on the technology that brings this 3rd dimension screaming into our home but in the commercial the family watching their super hyper speed 3-D TV are all wearing those stupid-ass glasses. You know, "those" glasses. The very same glasses that I nearly creamed myself over when my father brought home Rad Racer for my 8 bit Nintendo in 1989. Unless Heidi herself starts popping out of the TV during a game I can't see myself wearing a set of old man over sized reading glasses just so I can see a little more depth. I'm still getting used to this HDTV thing and the fact that I can tell what kind of BBQ sauce Youk dipped his ribs in last night because the stain on his shirt comes in so damn clear on my screen. Sorry extra dimension, I don't think I'll be seeing you in my home anytime soon.