Monday, March 29, 2010

Ok Red Sox, now you have upset me.


Behold the mountain of crap that is spewing from our beloved Fenway Park.

Aramark has substantially expanded Fenway Park’s vegetarian menu and added more options for fans with special dietary considerations. A new veggie burger, veggie dog, and spinach and mozzarella stromboli will join the lineup of existing vegetarian options like assorted salads, pizza, vegetarian burritos, hummus and fresh fruit cups. A growing list of gluten free items will include kettle corn, cookies, chips, and crackers.

Sweet jumping Jesus on a pogo stick. Look, maybe you don't want to dine on animal flesh every night like me and that's 100% cool... at 99% of the places in the world but you make a mother loving exception when are at Fenway Park. You make an exception for the Red Seat, for the Monster, for the Pole, for that giant piece of grass and dirt that you pay homage to every time you set foot inside that stadium, for that day my friends, you should eat meat. It's even debatable how much "meat" content there is in the hot dogs and burgers and burger dogs at Fenway, so how much veggie do you think is going to be in those burgers? I'll tell you how much; whatever is left over the last 10 years from the onion bin at the condiment stand, all nice and mashed up into a veggie paste for you.

Between the healthy Fenway eating and "Opening Day" being at 8 o'clock at night on Easter Sunday (the very thought is sending my brain into massive convulsions which I have saved up for my eminent later in the life heart attack) , the Red Sox and I have a few bones to pick already this year. Mr. Henry, I have my eyes on you... and your much younger and attractive wife. HA! Take that!

2 comments:

Dan said...

"existing vegetarian options like assorted salads, pizza, vegetarian burritos, hummus and fresh fruit cups."

I read "hummus" as "human." When I realized my mistake and was (predictably) let down, I had to stop reading because there's no chance the rest could live up to billing.

I bet now that andro and the cream are banned they *do* eat human in the clubhouse - and not that homeless man/migrant worker human that Johnny Everyday is forced to eat. I'm talking quality, 24-hour fitness enhanced, purebred human. Mmmmmmm....

Jon said...

If you're not eating pure "whitebread" human, you're not eating.