As we head down the stretch run of MLB's pennant/ wild card race, we will inevitably be subjected to overwhelming criticism of the local nine. Media folk, the jerk co-worker by the water cooler, that strange in-law at a family BBQ who's name you completely forgot. Bill? Harry? Enrique? the hell is that guy's name? Everybody has an opinion on the Sox, and they will share it with you whether you like it or not, likely full of obvious nuggets of absurdity. Sox aren't lighting things on fire and threaten to cough up the lead to those dipsh*ts in Texas? SCREW THOSE GUYS!!! Lester throws a gem? HEY, THE SOX GOT A CHANCE AGAINST ANYBODY!!! Fairweatherness: the cornerstone of New England sports fandom. Night in, night out, I assure you, this is how the next 4-8 weeks of baseball will go. But I'm not telling you anything new. This is the same sh*t people do every year. Its what makes it fun for us fans: blind speculation and mindless armchair analysis.
Anyways, I can only take so much scrutiny this year. The economy is down, football doesn't arrive until Monday, and cold weather is peaking its head into September. I need something positive. Something uplifting. Some perspective. So I can't think of anybody better to deliver good news than former Celtics coach, and recently deemed sleazeball, Mr. Rick Pitino. Rick, the floor is yours...
Rick: "Thanks, Steve. Hello all, nice to be back here in Boston."
Media guy#1: "Mr.Pitino, the Sox are rolling into September in a state of mediocrity. Whats your take?"
Rick: "Hey, anonymous media guy, Roger Clemens is not walking through that door. Ellis Burks is not walking through that door. Darren Bragg is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they're going to be gray and old."
Media guy #1: "Darren Bragg?"
Rick: "Yeah, Darren friggin' Bragg. You want to fight me?"
Media guy #2: "Coach, the Sox starting rotation appears to flounder against seemingly inferior opponents, especially Josh Beckett. Can we expect this to continue into October?"
Rick: "You know what... all the negativity in this town, it sucks!!! It just plain sucks."
Media guy #3: "Rick, you're a college basketball coach.... from Louisville. What in the world are you doing here in Boston answering questions about baseball?"
Rick: "I think I'm the pawn in a dead-end Educated Cheese post."