Mike Lowell: A Black Cat's Worth of Good Luck at First

Mike Lowell played first yesterday against the Orioles and the Sox lost 8-4. Coincidence? I friggin doubt it. Wake was pitching, so every time he wound up he probably saw Adrian Beltre at third but in the back of his head knew that Lowell was there somewhere, and something wasn't right. I give you Wake's train of thought:

• Check the sign. Oh, knuckle ball. Cool, I like that pitch.
• Check the back. Ouch, my back hurts.
• Give Mike Lowell a nod and a smile at third. Mike? He's in the lineup card. Where the hell is he?
• Let the knuckler fly. How am I supposed to do that? Where is Mike? MIKE?!?! Oh f*ck, he's at first. Damnit I forgot to check my back again!
• Wake goes down with a back injury. F*ck your mother, my back.

See. Having Lowell at first is like giving one of the Brady bunch kids some Hawaiian talisman and all of a sudden someone is drowning and there are spiders falling from the sky. Mikey, I'm sorry buddy but we can't have spiders in the clubhouse and you're going to have to find another position besides first.