I am the internet's Vanilla Ice

Its pretty common knowledge these days that there's only one universally accepted way to gauge where you stand in the world... and thats by comparing yourself to a rapper.

Well, Milton Bradley isn't about to be left out in the cold in the world of ridiculous metaphors. According to Milton, he's Major League Baseball's Kanye West.

"If I was a musician, I'd be Kanye West. If I was in the NBA, I'd be Ron Artest," the 31-year-old former Expo, Indian, Dodger, Athletic, Padre, Ranger and Cub said this week. "In baseball, they've got Milton Bradley. I'm that guy. You need people like me, so you can point your finger and go, 'There goes the bad guy."

yeah, okay Milton. The Cliff Notes version of his quote:

"Hi, I'm Milton Bradley. I'm f*cking crazy. Oh yeah, my parents named me after board games."