And that is why I am starting an all-out campaign for the gang over on Yawkey Way to make a run at Prince Fielder. Sure, its far-fetched (though in my mind its close-fetched), and there's really no reason to get a first-baseman with Youk there. But lets see what Prince has to bring to the table...
- He's the son of Cecil. It almost sounds biblical. "The Son of Cecil." Plus, they hate each other. Cecil shows up to the field, and we've got ourselves a Jerry Springer episode.
- His name is Prince. You don't second-guess royalty.
- He's fat. Fat guys are great to laugh at. And when they have 40+ HR potential you can easily turn the mock laughter into victory laughter. Ortiz has lost his "quintessential fat guy" luster. And we all remember how enjoyable the Mo Vaughn days were. "Enjoyable" is a fairly large euphemism there.
- When he gets thrown at, he skips the mound and charges the opposing team's locker room. I take that as "competitiveness" (though a better word is crazy). Still, there will never be a dull moment with Prince's fuse in the dugout and plenty of matches to be lit in the AL East.
- His home run celebrations are awesome and sometimes violent.
- He plays in Milwaukee. He'll be bringing us beer and bratwurst.
I've sparked the rumor. Spread it carelessly. If he's not here in April, I'm boycotting baseball. or just shutting up and being happy I'm not a Nationals fan.