Meet Slothey

HEY YOOOOOU GUYS!!! Remember The Goonies? If you had a pulse during the 80's, of course you do. Well, Sloth was played by none other than the new hired arm for the Sox, John Lackey. You don't have to look hard to see the resemblance. It's him. He's good buddies with Chunk, and Data was also played by a Red Sox pitcher... Daisuke. Yup, that was Dice coming up with all the inventions and boobie traps. Oh, Slothey is coming to the podium to be introduced as a Red Sock. The Cheese goes live to Fenway Park...

Theo Epstein: "It is with great honor that I announce the newest Red Sox pitcher, Mr. John Lackey..." ::applause::
John Lackey: "Thanks everyone. Its great to be here. I'm very proud to be with this team. This is a great city. Always enjoyed playing here at Fenway even though I thought they should tear it down when I was with the Angels. But all is forgotten. Water under the bridge. Questions?"
The Cheese: "Hi, Mr. Lackey, welcome to Boston..."
Lackey: "Thanks."
Cheese: "Were you born with these disfigurements, and did you take it personally when the Fratelli family disowned you?"
Lackey: "What?"
Cheese: "Were you relieved when Chunk came to save you? Do you still enjoy Baby Ruth bars?"
Lackey: "The hell are you talking about. Get this a$$hole outta here."
Cheese: ::being carried away:: "Do you think Mikey is a true leader?!!! He's Rudy for god's sake! Is Corey Feldman a jerk in real life?! Are you and Chunk still friends?"

Welcome to Boston, Mr. Lackey. You will forever be known on the Cheese as "Sloth".