Monday, April 5, 2010

2010: Commence the Awesome (Live Game Blog)


Holy sh*t am I I glad baseball is back. So far, Opening Night/ Day/ Whatever you want to call it has been fantastic no matter the outcome when the game ends 8 hours from now. Such a great feeling when all that offseason talk finally culminates and turns into real baseball. These new guys we've been talking about are finally playing, and no longer just the subject of "how do you think this new guy will do?" conversations. It happens every year, and I always kind of forget the feeling, but its always fun.

We catch up with me on my couch with a giant smile on my face, being nostalgic and thinking about the season ahead. Now we switch to the "Twitter-like unecessary updates on stupid sh*t" mode:
  • I've been up since 6:00AM as Jon and I hosted the first annual Educated Cheese Golf Open this morning. We're not too bright, golfing that early with a late Sox game. Oh well.
  • Walking in the door from Easter with the family with my skin kinda leathery from sitting in the unexpected but welcomed summer sun in April.
  • Chock full of delicious Easter food. Kind of an odd mix in the stomach right now. Ham. Carrots. Potatoes. Chocolate eggs. Monday will unofficially be Indigestion Day.
  • Just remembered that the fridge is full of leftover BBQ and Sam brews. Take that, stomach.
  • Flipped on the tube to the pregame. Finding out that NESN will be broadcasting the game, and ESPN will be blacked out. Saving me from an evening with Captain I Always Sound So Surprised and King Dipsh*t (ESPN's Jon Miller and Joe Morgan).
  • ESPN has recruited Nomar and Schill as analysts. They even bought Schill a suit, though it looks about 3 sizes too small. They need to put Schill and Nomar in the studio together. The guy who burned all the bridges, and the guy who had to rebuild them all. Awkward but entertaining TV.
  • Just re-kindled my man love for Don and Jerry. All it took was a tiny chuckle from D.O.
  • The showmanship of this ownership never ceases to amaze me. Pedro throwing out the first pitch, quickly followed by Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" (see Family Guy video above). Throw in a little Johnny Pesky. Perfect. I'm with you, Jerry... I still miss Pedro.
  • I hate Curtis Granderson as a Yankee already. I need to find an animal and/ or muppet to compare him to, the same way Posada looks like Rizzo the Rat. Granderson will still be good, but I'll feel better if I can quietly mock him.
  • All new commercials. D.O. and Lackey talking Massachusetts roads. Jennie Finch with that moron Olympia Sports cab driver with the Leonardo DiCaprio-like forced Boston accent. I'm sure we'll be sick of these new commercials by Tuesday. But for now, I like the freshness of everything.
  • Was that advertising sign behind home plate always green and they superimpose the graphics? I forget. I spent like 5 minutes arguing with myself about it.
  • Looks like Beckett's necklaces have some new organic growth on them. awesome.
  • Random Internet Find of the Night: This.
  • Didn't even make it to the 3rd inning of game 1 and I've already had my first "Drew, you're a f*cking a$$hole." moment. Many, many more to come. This year's "you're a f*cking a$$hole" count will be close between him and Papelbon.
  • How does Ortiz shave his beard with such precision? Its like he uses a T-square on that thing. Ortiz needs an endorsement deal with Gillette.
  • For the 3,745th time, can we please lay the "Yankees Suck" chant to rest? Not funny, not accurate, and it doesn't hold the same charm when it began 10+ years ago. New rule: you get caught trying to start the chant at Fenway, no more beer for you... and if someone actually starts chanting it with you, no pretzels.
  • Shoenewriu8weis sporting the Kotsay look. gross.
  • Wow C.C. Sabathia is fat. He has no shame at all. He has every fat guy characteritic going for him. Beer belly. chubby cheeks. Ridiculously baggy clothes. Is he wearing gray sweat pants? He looks like he should be in an over-40 slow pitch softball league. Yet he still throws 94mph. This is an odd world we live in.
  • Dammit, JD Drew got a hit to the opposite field and did so with a picture-perfect swing. The back-and-forth begins.
  • Ellsbury already looks faster with the new #2. Less uniform fabric = more speed.
  • The new rage this summer? Marco Scutaro/ Marco Polo chants. Go ahead, try it. Its a good time. Though someone, usually the wife, tells you to cut the sh*t after the second "Mar-co Scut-a-ro".
  • More Jordan's Furniture promos this year. If the Sox pitch 4 perfect games and win the World Series and score exactly 18 runs in each game, you get a free pillow case.
  • The umpires have mailed it in. Its quite possible they decided to save travel money and just had the NBA refs from Cavs-Celtics ump the Sox game tonight. The incompetence looks awfully familiar.
  • Mike Cameron is perpetually sweaty.
  • Down 5-2 and I don't really care. Baseball at Fenway. 70 Degrees. There is a God. Peter Gammons is Saint Peter. Thats what I'm calling him from now on.
  • YOUK triple!!! Beltre single!!! Tied up! Hooray for late night adrenaline!!! I won't be able to sleep until 3am.
  • A shot of Steven Tyler who's going to sing God Bless America. Which will stir all the food in my stomach and probably induce vomit. Get ready, toilet.
  • Long shot off the wall for A-Rod. I bet Joe Morgan made some comment on ESPN like "Alex really uses his hands to swing the bat." Thank god I don't have to hear it tonight.
  • Steven Tyler sung. I didn't make it to the toilet.
  • There's a really, really, really fat guy sitting on the third base side who's in the background when right hand hitters are up. Just wanted to point that out. I think its because when I'm at the game and sitting in my seat, I find all the fat people walking around and hope they're not making their way to the seat next to me.
  • Pedroia dinger. still short. got more awesome. tied up again, 7-7. yeah, forget it. I'll sleep tomorrow night.
  • Chan Ho Park sucks. make that a chant. nah, too many syllables. Plus he already knows he sucks.
  • Big night for Youk. As always, his facial hair deserves some credit.
  • Interesting bullpen strategy by the Yankees... they turned Damaso Marte into a wild pitch specialist. 8-7 Red Sox.
  • Oh good, Neil Diamond to sing "Sweet Caroline" live in the 8th inning. Little does he know that there's 38,000 people there who think they can sing it better than him.
  • It says "Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn" on Neil Diamond's jacket. A few more chocolate Easter eggs and I'd have enough sugar in my system to get me to Fenway to rub pine tar in his face. What washed up singer is going to sing next inning?
  • Ellsbury 0 for 5 on the night. He'll need a new uniform number.
  • Speedy 37-year-old Mike Cameron scores an insurance run on a Pedroia single at 11:44PM on Easter Sunday. 9-7 Sox. My eyes are still open thanks to scotch tape.
  • Top 9. please Jonathan Robert Papelbon, spare me the drama.
  • Sox win 9-7. dirty water.
Banner weekend. I'm going to hook up the coffee IV for tomorrow morning. goodnight.

11 comments:

Bosox Bikini Girl said...

How did you see any of the game? That blog was a dissertation!!

Loved the website you linked; thought Julian Tavares' look-alike was spot ON!!

Did you steal that video clip? Cause they stole it back...

I can just picture you popping up in all the corners of your house saying "Mar-co Scu-ta-ro" and your lovely patient wife throwing something at you..

Good stuff....how'd that caffeine drip work for you??

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