Wedgie

Poor Eric Wedge. Fired with 5 days left in the season. What a slap in the face. Just two short years ago, he was manager of the year and leading the Tribe to a good, ole-fashioned beatdown at the hands of the Sox in the '07 playoffs. Rough season this year, lots of injuries for the In'juns, and inevitably when things go to sh*t, its the manager's fault because they obviously play the game. But enough of my smug sarcasm, the interesting part here is that Wedge has to manage out these last few meaningless games knowing that he's no longer a manager in a few days. Surrounded by apathy, here's what I would do if I were him...

-Dress up like an indian in the dugout. Not half ass; all-out indian garb. The feathered head gear, face paint, drums, tomahawk. Build a teepee in the on-deck circle. Fill the dugout with water and throw a canoe in it. Turn the luxury boxes into a casino. Make pitching changes with loud tribal chants.

-Get a hold of Charlie Sheen. Bring him in to close a game as Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn.

-Argue with an umpire. After the ejection, take a dump on home plate. Clean that off with your little brush, Mr. Umpire.

-BBQ at the end of the dugout. Sell hot dogs to the fans for half the price the ballpark is selling them for.

-Get a hold of Corbin Bersen. Bring him in to pinch hit and lean into a pitch as Roger Dorn.

-Throw firecrackers onto the field while the other team is at bat. When everybody looks over at you, point at the bench coach.

-Get to the ballpark early, cork all the bats, throw siringes in every locker, point everything out to the media and frame all the players.

-If Tom Berenger isn't available, rename the Indians the Cleveland Buzz, and declare Scott Bakula as your replacement.