Memo to future parents

Look, I'm no bully. Never have been. And barring a career change to a professional wrestler, I never will be. But when you come across somebody with a hilarious name, instinct tells you to make fun of them. And there's no reason to fight this instinct. Why? Because people with unfortunate and ridiculous names are not victims of disease, and they don't deserve your pity... they're victims of human error and stupidity, which I like to consider a form of child neglect. So when you happen across funny names, under Educated Cheese by-laws, you are allowed to make fun of them at will.

Case in point, Roy Halladay.
Except his given name isn't Roy. It's Harry. Harry Leroy Halladay.

Take a moment. Say it out loud to yourself.

Harry Halladay.

What the f*ck were his parents thinking? Was he sired by Dr.Suess? Harry Halladay. Sounds like a clumsy magician who never quite perfected Houdini's methods. I mean, credit to Roy here for tricking people to name him Roy and Doc instead of Harry. He could have been known by his goofy cartoonish persona, Harry Halladay, and been yet another sad victim of poor parenting. But instead he's Roy, a dominant major league pitcher with a Cy Young award to his credit.

So what's my point? Well, I guess I don't really have one. But I can assure you, if that a$$hole is wearing pinstripes this time next year, his name is f*cking Harry.