I got a useless shortstop... lets make a deal.

All indications are that Julio Lugo will be traded or released soon. However, before Theo does anything drastic like sending him off to man a weather station in Anchorage, let's take a look at what the Red Sox could get in return...

A used horse-drawn carriage : It was clear that Lugo couldn't warrant any more in return than a used one, but if you ask me, you let Youk (and his unknown auto body skills) go to work, this thing could be brand new. Theo, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to bring in relievers from the bullpen on a horse drawn carriage.... you'd be the envy of Major League Baseball... or at least Essex county.

A replica of the Flight of the Navigator ship: Sure, it'd be great to have the real thing, but once again, they're at a loss trying to deal one of the most futile shortstops in recent memory. The Sox would be trading about 30 cents on the dollar here, as the replica is not even stainless steel, but rather a shoddy plaster mold made by an out-of-work union carpenter. It sits in his backyard along Route 128 in Dedham.

The entire cast of Salute Your Shorts : Honestly, when was the last time you saw any of those kids? I see this as an opportunity to catch up with the stars of one of the most bizarre shows in Nickelodeon history. I mean the headlines "Lugo for Donkeylips" is enough for me.

We invite more trade proposals in the comments section.