Jon Lester vs Orioles = Win

10-0 vs the O's. For those of you non-baseball nerds, that's a constant nut kicking. I had to re-check the stat sheet to see that, umm, Brian Anderson and Josh Reddick both hit home runs last night. For them to even get in the lineup takes an injury or an over aggressive lap dance to a regular starter, so when those guys start going bridge something is going right.

I can tell the playoffs are getting close because when I woke up this morning it was 51 degrees n the house downstairs. That means I forgot to shut the windows, and that October is nearly upon us. Down side, this is the time of the year that everyone forgets about baseball and puts the Pats first which is fine, but just remember folks, totally blocking out the Sox will strip them of their mojo. Just ask Dr. Evil.

Two a days

I never played football, so the term "two a day" doesn't make me cringe like it might make some ex-football players do. To me, it just means doing something twice in one day, like eating 2 cheese burgers instead of one, or drinking two beers per NFL game yesterday (admittedly that turns into more of a 12 a day, but after 3 games you stop counting). In baseball terms, it means putting the new country music sensation "Clay and Jon" on the hill for a Sunday double header and reminding the Rays that 2007 was indeed a fluke. The Sox outscored the Rays 16-2 this weekend. In short, they handed Sir Spits-a-lot and Big Game James their respective taints, and their 11th loss in a row, and are now enjoying a well deserved Monday off.

Of course an off day means we'll come up with something stupid that we find funny, and a lot of you find stupid. If you aren't used that yet, please check out some older posts and get re-acquainted with our funny.

Jon Lester is the new Jon Lester

And I like that Jon Lester. He does what needs to be done and it's great to see one of the top guys showing up in September. That other top guy, Beckett, he gets a chance to show that he means business tonight and I think he's going to do just that. You can not possibly keep that guy down for this long. I don't listen to all this crap about how people think something is wrong with his mechanics or his velocity is down. Those people think too much and when you start thinking, things go wrong. He's gotta go out there and just let it rip because that's what Josh Beckett does. In the words of the great Tin Cup, "Let the big dog eat."

JD Drewsless no more.

Yesterday Steve and I were typing on the keyboard into our respective computers and relaying the messages back and forth to eachother via the world wide web. Some people call this emailing. We call it killin' time before a game. The subject of our time wasting maneuver? JD Drew and how soon the luster of that '07 ALCS Grand Slam should wear off and his need to do something worth $14 mil a year, or hell even something worth watching. Helping finish a sweep with a 2 HR performance is a start, but I'm saying this guy has to go on a major tear well into September to make up for the constant days off and general lack of what my 5th grade gym teacher would call "hustle and bustle." We even got so into discussing the Drewster yesterday that we looked into his contract and saw he has a few injury clauses and we* were wondering how one goes about hiring someone to, ahem, loosen up someone's shoulder.

Of course Drew didn't NEED to be "all that" last night because Jon Lester was "all that" and a little bit more, but it's definitely a nice pick me up before the flying circus comes to town. 6.5 games coming in and I'm not going to lie about being scared regarding Friday and Saturdays pitching "duels". Brad Penny will need to summon the souls of the hottest girls he's ever pegged to get the juices flowing and start things off on the right foot tonight. For me it all hinges on tonight. If they rip Pettit up early I think they can keep things going all weekend, which of course ends with a game that I'm going to give the Cheese Guarantee of going over 4.5 hours Sunday night on ESPN with Becks vs Chilli Cheeseburger Sabathia. It's a big weekend coming and I'm sure we'll have some more preview action later on today.

*I mean "we" in the Steve sense. As in he's the guy you're looking for officer. Sick sonuvabitch, I know.

Accidents happen

So, no Cheese yesterday. I'm sure you noticed. Well, long story short, Garvey had to get his spleen, appendix and one of his kidney's removed so he could successfully drop weight and make the weight class he wanted to so he can fight in "UFC 102: Punchy, kicky, bitey". I on the other hand was in a rather embarrassing unicycle accident that I would just rather leave at that, an accident that no one knows anything about.

What did we miss? Sox win 2 in a row? Offensive production? Beckett gives up more runs in one inning than he has in the last 2 months? Apparently our surgeries and uncoordinated unicycling has thrown a charge into the boys and they've gone hog wild up in Toronto. Kind of a nice time to put together some momentum with the Spanks invading Boston this weekend. That kid everyone loves to love, Jon Lester, takes the ball tonight and you'd have to think with Beckett not having his best night Monday, Lester is primed to do some serious taint-handing to the canucks and advance the Sox further into the WC lead and maybe shave some games off the Yanks, whom I must say are still playing "out of their gourds" since the AS break.

See ya Smoltzie

Don't let the door hit ya where the good door split ya. That's kind of harsh but that's what it came down to and The Professor is no longer with the Red Sox. DFA'd today. It'd be a shame if that's the way he ended it all, but it was pretty obvious it wasn't going quite as everyone had planned. Now instead of listening to everyone talk about getting rid of Smoltz, we just have to listen to everyone talk about who is going to start and why did they get rid of Masterson, etc, etc. Should be fun.

On to more pressing matters though, like the 3 games the boys can still salvage from this road trip through hell and come up with their heads held somewhat high. Becks, Buchs and Lester. Definitely the wild card in the middle but I think they can at least get a split out of this and maybe more if they can de-rail the Yanks tonight. The blood is definitely flowing.

The Seattle Mariners are the second coming of the Seattle Mariners.

Two in a row? Against the Mariners? Really? The M's must not realize how us New Englanders treasure the 4th of July and the victories that usually come with the fireworks, beer and endless pile of cheeseburgers. Neil Diamond himself was in the city trying to get the mojo going across town but Saito channeled his inner Dice K and before you know it, another one run lose to a team that everyone figured was just stopping by for their yearly beatings.

Today though Tito has the luxury of giving the ball to Jon Lester and you know there is no way Les is going to let a sweep go down in the Fens this weekend. Look for some revenge today. Some bloody, gut wrenching revenge. Or at least some baseball revenge.

Old Man River

That right there in fact is an x-ray of Mike Lowell's hip*. As you can see, it hurts. My theory on how the pain made its comeback is that with Lester just being on such a tear, kicking things in the nuts left and right, Mr. Lowell was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, dislodging all nuts and hips in the process. Between Lester toying with the O's hitters and Drew nearly going for the cycle, last night was a good ol beat down that the boys needed. Sure it was only 4-0, but the game always seemed about as close as I am to getting that date with Jessica Biel.

Also, check out this little blog do-hickey by Terence Moore about how the false notion that is Red Sox Nation will soon be coming to an end. Who is Terence Moore you ask? Well, according to his ending credits, "He is a frequent panelist on "Rome Is Burning"..." So judging from his previous working experience, he's a hack.

*That in fact is not an x-ray of Mike Lowell's hip. It may not even be a hip. I'm not a doctor so I can't confirm what it is