Es Tu Papi?

May 15, 2009 -

Ortiz: "I'm sorry guys, I don't feel like talking right now. Just put down 'Papi stinks'..." Ortiz then under his breath mutters "and in 2003 I injected myself with steroids."
Reporter: What was that Papi?
Ortiz: Nothing. Never mind. Papi's fine.

Guys, you know that feeling when you get kicked about 6 inches below the belly button and you crumble over in pain because it feels like your balls are lodged up around your ribs and there's just that gross feeling you can't shake for hours? Girls it's probably similar to that feeling you had when you took that "special" guy out on a date as a favor and then he comes back and tells you he loves you and all you can do is say, "Jon, I like you too, but it's not going to happen." Well, I wish I felt more like that right now because with all this roid talk I'm just not phased anymore. Did I think someone on the WS teams did roids? Yes. Did I want that person to be the guy that carried us and always spoke out against the junk like a vigilante? No. Now we all get to wait for the mandatory apology speech and those always prove to be entertaining as hell.

Also, be sure to vote on who you think the Sox will get in a trade today, if anyone. If you think it's going to someone else say who in the comment section.

Guess that contract

The game. There's the stats of the contracts. Guess who it is in the comment section. The first one is/was a Sox player. The second one is not.

#1

-4 years/$36M (2007-10), plus 2011 vesting option

-$1M signing bonus

-07:$8M, 08:$9M, 09:$9M, 10:$9M, 11:$9M vesting option
option vests with 2,400 PAs 2007-10 & 600 PAs 2010

?? Who it be??

#2 - This one is a little trickier but obscene in a few ways which is kind of a hint. The contract signs him through years 30-38 of his life AND the contract is back heavy (as so many are now). There were actually rumors a few years ago that the Sox wanted to acquire this guy.

-9 years/$141.5M (2003-11), plus 2012 club option
signed extension 4/07

-03:$10.6M, 04:$11.6M, 05:$12.6M, 06-10:$16.6M/year, 11:$19.1M, 12:$23M club option ($4.6M buyout)

-full no-trade clause

-award bonuses: $0.15M for Hank Aaron Award, $0.15M for MVP ($75,000 for 2nd or 3rd), $75,000 for LCS MVP, $50,000 for Silver Slugger, $25,000 for Gold Glove, All Star selection, may exercise “out” clause after 2007 & leave as free agent if he notifies club by Nov. 15, 2006 (declined to do so)

Not so you can cheat, but MLB Contract info is from here. Check it out... but don't cheat.

The Cheese is retiring... or not.

That's right, we're somewhat multi-sport-dimensional here at the Cheese so we're poking fun at Farvvre now. He finally made up his mind to stay retired which means the endless reports and the hard work of Rachel Nichols (sadly not this Rachel Nichols from 'Dumb and Dumberer') is all for nothing. So now add Minnesota to the list of states that Farrrrvree isn't exactly well liked.

Why the Farververe talk you ask? Well, do you really want to talk about the Red Sox losing again to the A's? Do you want us to get all negative up in yo' face about how the Sox lost yet another game on the Yanks? How about we talk about the beautiful weather instead? I didn't think so.

For something baseball related though, later today in honor of the trade deadline we'll be playing a game called 'guess that contract'. No really, it's a game. We'll put up an actual contract that the Red Sox handed out and in the comment section you can take a stab at who got paid all that iron. I'll let the excitement build on that one for a while.

Kid Kotsay?

Yesterday the Sox sent recently DFA'd utility guy Mark Kotsay to the White Sox in exchange for Jack Parkman from Major League 2 (actually, it was Brian Anderson). However, I don't think Kotsay got the memo as he appeared to be at last night's game...

Terry Francona, #47 in your program, #1 in your hearts

In my rare trip to radio for the Sox broadcast last night, Joe Castiglione had this little baseball stat nugget:

"Terry Francona is 5th all-time in home runs among players born in South Dakota... with a total of 16."

Baseball Reference confirms... this is an accomplishment I'm sure he places far ahead of his two World Series wins in Boston.

Back in Black

The rest and relaxation is over and I'm back in The States and easing myself back into the grind that is life. For those of you that haven't been to a foreign country and inside an all inclusive resort, it is damn hard to keep up with the rest of the world (namely Red Sox Nation) when there is an endless supply of booze, ice cream and cabanas a mere 10 feet from your own private pool. It only gets harder when you only get ESPN Deportes on TV and your Spanish consists of phrases from the movies Dodgeball and Goonies.

So, Lugo got traded, all of a sudden there is a triefcta of first and 3rd basemen in the lineup and after the All-Star break the Sox are stinking up the joint? All of this is news to me. Adam Laroche? What the hell happened. All I know is I got in landed late this afternoon and literally walked in the door, popped a Sam Summer and put the tube on NESN and fell into a deep Eck coma that has been a week in the making. I lied, I also know that now that I am back in my rightful country the Sox are winning and I think someone (me) has a little something to do with it.

Also, while on the 'moon in the DR I found the Sox some pretty sweet prospects. Full report to come soon...

How to get yourself a free dinner in Chicago

Today you will be introduced to DeWayne Wise, Mark Buerhle's new best friend. Now, I've seen my fair share of defensive plays in my day, but this one has to be near the top. Just a few that I can think of (disclaimer: of course theres been some even more amazing catches in baseball history, but this is what my brain, and free internet video, have limited me to on this rainy Friday)...

- The Gary Matthews catch - I remember seeing this for the first time and thinking it was one of those Powerade commercials when they sumperimpose impossible shots or throws.

- David Wright bare-handed catch - maybe not up there with Kevin Mitchell, but still one of the tougher plays for a third baseman.

- Coco's diving catch behind him - consequently off the bat of David Wright, and I'm not sure how he got a glove on this thing. (someone help me out with the video here, I want to relive that one)

- Coco's catch to end the 2007 ALCS - meh, lets give Coco more love. horrible video, but you get the idea. The catch itself won't be as memorable because they were clobbering the Indians in that game 11-2, and won the World Series a week or so later, but still good stuff.

- The Endy Chavez catch - I remember getting goosebumps when he made that catch. Game 7 of the NLCS, 1-1 score, 6th inning, steals a home run away and then doubles the guy off first.

Pokey Reese also made a phenomenal jumping catch at 2nd in 2004 against the Dodgers that I will always remember (a Sunday night ESPN game, Jon Miller made the call). Strangely enough, it was off the bat of Dave Roberts and Pokey got a good 30-40 inches off the ground to rob him of a single or likely a double. Of course, I can't find a video of it anywhere.

Also, Ozzie Smith made a great diving bare-handed play with the Padres (playoff game?) that I also can't seem to find video of. One of many made by Ozzie, but I remember this one particularly because the infield dirt looked like a construction site, making the play that much more difficult.

But saving a perfect game like Wise did yesterday was remarkable; robbing the home run and having the presence of mind to keep the ball from falling out of his glove. And Buerhle deserves most of the credit for pitching the actual perfect game, one in which an average at bat against him lasted just 56 seconds (he struck out Longoria once on 4 pitches in 33 seconds). Stuff like that puts me in a giddy mood, makes you love baseball in that James Earl Jones kind of way. /cheesiness

Meanwhile, the Red Sox were off yesterday but I'm sure they found a way to lose at something.

Out with the old...

Julio Lugo for Chris Duncan. The equivalent of trading peanuts for cashews. Are the Cardinals immediately assigning Lugo to the Busch Stadium maintenance crew?

However, the long-awaited departure of Julio Lugo was not the big news yesterday... the Sox traded for Adam LaRoche. So in the course of the last year we've learned that if your club has a need, just call the Pittsburgh Pirates. I'm already trying to figure out what nickname Francona will give him. Rochey? Anyways, while I'm just as clueless as everyone else is as to how he'll do here, I'm already a fan of his thanks to this story:
"According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, LaRoche played a prank on his former Atlanta Braves teammates back in 2007. LaRoche's new team, the Pirates, played the Marlins in a day game in Florida late in June while the Braves flew in from Washington for a series. Their uniforms had already arrived and were hung in their assigned lockers at the Marlins' ballpark. Before the Pirates checked out, LaRoche got some scissors and cut the crotch out of every pair of underpants in the Braves lockers, and left a note behind that said, "Let it all hang out, fellas."

Is this Millar Part Deux? Here's to more shenanigans in Boston, LaRoche.

Panic

When the Sox lose 4 in a row heading into late July, give up first place to the Yankees, and seem to be all but hopeless at the plate, Boston goes into a state of panic like clockwork. You need look no further than 850 on your AM dial. I swear I heard a caller propose a Daisuke for Jesus Christ trade yesterday.
However, admist this baseball sh*t parade, the highlight for me last night was Josh Beckett putting his best swearing hat on at the end of the night. You did not need the Seinfeld lip reader to know that Josh recited every obscenity known to man on his way back to the dugout. At one point, gum (or something resembling gum) flew out of his mouth... likely because it couldn't stand being in Josh's mouth with the curse words flying out at record pace. Sometimes you just need to let out a big "*&!$&#*^!*&*$%#$%#...f*ck!!!"

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

I'll go in reverse order for dramatic effect:

The Ugly:

Sox lose 6-3, behind what seemed like a solid start for Smoltz until he tripped up in the 6th. The Rangers were powered by back to back dingers from Jarrod Saltilajhgfsdjka8476jhgmachhia and David Murphy. This will of course be known as Murphy's Law... if you trade for a washed up Eric Gagne, you will inevitably get burned by the player you sent in return.

The Bad:

Well, not bad in the disappointing sense, but as in "naughty"... Erin Andrews (who's been the object of desire here at the Cheese, on par with Jessica Biel) was filmed nude in her hotel room by someone equally as creepy as us.

The Good: This joke...

Q: What did Michael Jackson and Julio Lugo have in common?

A: They both wore a glove for no reason.

HIYO!!! (bet thats the first and last Julio Lugo joke you'll ever hear)

Apocalypse

Jonny is en route to some exotic destination for his honeymoon right now, which means for the next week, I've been put in charge. You can consider this the Sammy Haggar era of EducatedCheese.com... though I can assure you, we will most definitely not be driving 55.

So far the Sox have gone 0-2 under my reign.

Jon the Tank

Tomorrow the founder of Educated Cheese (we call him Educated Jon) gets hitched. Its tough to believe that a guy who once successfully drove a late-80's Buick up a 75-degree incline is tying the knot, but alas, Jon has climbed the ladder of respectability (aside from the invention of this blog). I tried to get Eck to show up to the wedding, but we'll see if he holds his NESN gig as a higher priority. A tip of a hat and a raise of the glass... Congrats, sir.

(In other news, Buchholz owned tonight)

(One of my favorite Old School scenes... I don't know why, but that singer looks like Derek Lowe... kind of? ok, maybe not.)

I got a useless shortstop... lets make a deal.

All indications are that Julio Lugo will be traded or released soon. However, before Theo does anything drastic like sending him off to man a weather station in Anchorage, let's take a look at what the Red Sox could get in return...

A used horse-drawn carriage : It was clear that Lugo couldn't warrant any more in return than a used one, but if you ask me, you let Youk (and his unknown auto body skills) go to work, this thing could be brand new. Theo, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to bring in relievers from the bullpen on a horse drawn carriage.... you'd be the envy of Major League Baseball... or at least Essex county.

A replica of the Flight of the Navigator ship: Sure, it'd be great to have the real thing, but once again, they're at a loss trying to deal one of the most futile shortstops in recent memory. The Sox would be trading about 30 cents on the dollar here, as the replica is not even stainless steel, but rather a shoddy plaster mold made by an out-of-work union carpenter. It sits in his backyard along Route 128 in Dedham.

The entire cast of Salute Your Shorts : Honestly, when was the last time you saw any of those kids? I see this as an opportunity to catch up with the stars of one of the most bizarre shows in Nickelodeon history. I mean the headlines "Lugo for Donkeylips" is enough for me.

We invite more trade proposals in the comments section.

Quiz time!

The folks over at Boston.com (clinging to their jobs) have come up with this clever Red Sox timekiller. I got a 870,000,060. That jerk Jous (914 mil) clearly cheated.

Joe Maddon can pound sand

Pound away Joe. For a second I wanted to find a picture of Wake and put it up there but then I got emotional so I'm going sans picture for this one. Everyone just imagine Timmy up above this babble, smiling at us all like he usually does. His neck is probably bright red, goatee workin', knuckler just floating around like a drunk fly. I'd like to say this can only work as motivation for Timmy, but I don't see the guy as an "avenge my death" type of guy. I'm guessing he'll come out after the break and do his job like he has for 30 some odd years and when asked about not getting into the game he'll probably give a little smile and say "It was an honor just to be there and I can understand where Joe was coming from. We won the game and for a team like ours that's the important part." Even in my fake words Timmy has some real class.

Honestly though, the nerd glasses and the stupid mohawk, eff you Maddon. You are now destined to be the guy who manages the team that could never quite put it together. '08 will be your doom because your rag tag bunch of 24 year olds will never mesh like that again. See you in baseball purgatory, pal.

MLB spy for hire

Ok, normally at this time I'm at my apathetic best, completely ignoring the all-star game... doing something like channeling my inner culinary skills and cooking up a giant pancake for dinner.

Anyways, I just discovered that I can watch the All-Star game online... from several different views... AL or NL dugout... behind the plate... 3rd base line. This is great, I feel like a spy walking around Busch Stadium at will. Most of the views are sans McCarver too, which is ultra-awesome. Ah ha!... just caught Ken Rosenthal picking his nose.

Fat guy wins Home Run Derby

I haven't checked the NY Times yet today, but I'm pretty sure the sports headline will read something like our leading line. I won't lie, I got sucked in to ESPN and the derby when my remote took one of those "Oh my god did that really just hit the floor and bounce like that" bounces under the couch and I saw that the Zebra Cakes were a lot closer than the remote. Therefore, derby on in the Jon house. Things got even worse quickly as Joe Buck made an appearance pre-derby, that shiny forehead of his off beaming in the bright lights of ESPN. Once I came to from the apparent stroke I had after realizing that Buck has now brought his reign of terror to yet another network, I looked up to see Prince Fielder won. Yaay. I mean. Ok. That's as excited everyone was. The thing was practically fixed for Puljos or Howard to take it home and both of them choked big time on their home turf.

Two interesting bits of TV reporting came out of last night though. Number 1 was when the mandatory pseudo cute blond reporter asked Josh Hamilton what his favorite part of the derby was last year. He responded with "Bringing Christ to so many people.". Not hitting a million home runs in a historic monument before it gets torn down, but spouting off about God for every second someone would let him talk. Then when pseudo cute reporter said in her God hating ways, "You sure it wasn't when everyone was chanting your name?" he replied "That was second.".

The 2nd moment was after da 'derb when a reporter posed the question to Prince, "Do you wish your father was here with you?" annnnnnnd she apparently didn't do her homework because big Cecil actually gambled away a good portion of Princy's signing bonus and all of the family cheeseburger fortune he amassed while in Detroit and they're not exactly on speaking terms. His response, "Uhhhh, no.". Gold ESPN, just pure GOLD!!!

Welcome to the 4 most boringest days of the year

I like the off-season more than the next 4 days. Oh, but you have the HR derby (DINGERS!!) to keep you entertained tonight and now the All-Star game means something especially for a contending team. Eff it. I just can't get into any of it. As a kid I remember getting pumped for the AS game because it was fun. Even with the NL being some kind of unheard foreign territory that only came around in October if you were lucky and interleague play just a brain fart in Selig's head at the time, you still knew the NL guys trotting out there and the game had some gusto because the players weren't all viewed as over paid juiced up meat heads like a lot of them are today. Ah the age of innocence as passed us by. Just let us pray that Puljos doesn't find this a fitting time to come out and tell us all he hasn't produced an ounce of his own testosterone in the last 5 years.

Also, this Saturday we're going to try something new here at the Cheese. We're going to do a live gamecast type deal thing for the game at 1:07 against the Jays. Steve and I have a wedding (mine) to attend to at roughly 5:30, but early Saturday afternoon gives us the perfect chance to have a few beers, watch the Sox and blog it up live style. If you're around please stop by and have a beer with us before I go and tie the knot.

Prince Albert

We hit the halfway point today. Sox 3 up on the Yanks. Lets call it a season now why the weather is still nice, start the world series in 80 degree weather.

Meanwhile, I completely missed this one. Albert Pujols clocks a home run that takes out the 'I' in the 'Big Mac Land' sign in St. Louis. I'm not sure if there's some sort of hidden message by this occurance... (Pujols hit the 'I' + McGwire did steroids = "I did steroids")... thats my conspiracy theory for the day. Enjoy the mid-summer classic, folks.

Youk-a-holic

I'm Jon and I'm a Youkaholic. I like beards. I like beans. I like seeing Youk go bridge twice against the Royals. I like everything and anything that comes with being a Youkaholic.

Tonight the Professor pitched well enough to get his first Sox W despite Masterson giving up 5 ERs for the second time in the last 2 weeks. A win is a win is a win but a win is not pretty when the pen gives it up like a two dollar whore. I'll take the positives such as the W, the 15 runs scored and the sweet, sweet satisfaction of a table full of empty Sam Summer bottles.

More Pedroia. Did you know he's a banker?

Check the videos out over at Bugs & cranks. Then ask yourself, what the f*ck is he talking about?

Thank you. Happy Friday Sox baseball day.

How small is Dustin Pedroia?

The answer is minuscule. The picture doesn't do it justice and we all know the guy still needs a car seat, but when he swings the bat looks bigger than him. Not to mention in mid swat he's the same size of umpire squatting down. But sweet fancy Jesus I love seeing him hit it into the monster seats.

What, you want a game synopsis? The bullpen ate sh*t. How's that? Anything less than 3 out of 4 against the Royals is a joke especially when they're not even facing Grinny, as Tito would call him. Good thing Lester had a decent game against the Royals before.

Meet the Admiral

The tall ships are in town. Mike Lowell is on the DL. This is not a coincidence. Admiral Lowell is clearly in the harbor showing everybody how to tie knots like a real sailor.

Ahoy, matey!

Pick up that blood

I don't care if AMC plays it every day, Caddyshack is f*cking amazing. most quotable movie ever.

Dammit, the Royals are winning. not grood.

Our Halladay trade proposals

Ok JP Riccardi, we know you're a frequent reader of the Cheese (or at least someone from Canada is thank you very much Canadian readers) so here are a few trade options that I'm sure the Sox would be willing to pull the trigger on if you say go.

DeMarlo Hale for Halladay, straight up. I know what you're thinking JP, Hale is a base coach and Halladay is arguably the most dominate pitcher of the last few years. We're looking at playing time here and Hale shows up EVERY DAY and is ready to go. We're pretty sure he's got some sweet baseball knowledge to go with that over the top enthusiasm shown here.

250 snowblowers for Roy. That's right, count 'em up. Two hundred and fifty. Seeing as you're in Canada I can only assume you get lots of snow and that you could use 250 snowblowers to help move the snow around. I don't know how much money that is but I'm guessing once you add in the tax and take into consideration the strength of the dollar that we're talking tens of hundreds here. As a bonus, we'll throw in George Kottares to man the blowers. He's from Canada you know.

Similar to the Dice K deal, the Sox will "post" some money which you can then turn around and use to heat all your toilet seats in the Skydome-Roger Center place you guys play. Honestly it's an insult to your fan base that you haven't done this yet with the constant snow and cold weather up there. This one screams 'fan favorite'.

We'll take Millar back, free of charge. We know he's been bugging Rolen about the 04 thing.

We saved the best for last. If you really want to turn heads let's work together and pull off the first double sport trade ever known to man. You send Halladay to Fenway and I'll talk to that guy that owns the Bruins and we'll send some presumably 18 year old Russian kid to play hockey for you. We're talking win-win here. The Blue Jays are a fad. I know, the World Series in the 90s but we think it's time to give Canada a chance to reclaim it's hockey glory. Did you know a team from Florida won the Stanley Cup a few years ago? That has to bug you.

So, there you have it, JP. Let us know what works for you and I'll have Theo on the phone ASAP.

See you in Saint Louis

Nice way to send off Wake with his 11th of the year. The knuckla was knucklin' like crazy last night, just ask OC when he looked like, in the words of Stewart Scott, "straight up playin' a fool yo."in the 5th when he went down swinging. Speaking of fog-eye Scott, has anyone else tired of Sportscenter like I have? Granted I've probably watched some version of SC or ESPN News at least once a day for the last 10-12 years, but lately it's more catch phrases than it is sports coverage. It's to the point where I won't watch it if there are certain hosts. I'd love to be able to just watch the news in the AM with my Cheerios and OJ but the only thing worse than a Stewart Scott "boo-ya" is catching 5 minutes of the news and feeling like you should line up on the edge of the Tobin because of all the horrible things going on around the world that they need to tell you about 10 minutes after you wake up. Note to the News, the 6-7AM version should try and be a little more upbeat so we all leave our houses without the perpetual dark cloud hanging over all our heads. Having Heidi host the news wouldn't be a bad idea either. I'm not going to suggest outfits, but I know my mornings start well when I think I'm at the beach. Just a thought news people. Just a thought.

The curse of the jinxed shirt

You know those player T-shirts with the name on the back, well I don't buy those anymore and here is why.

Remember Carl Everett? Of course you do. Crazy Carl. The guy didn't believe in dinosaurs or man walking on the moon which leaves open a slew of other things he probably didn't believe in but we just never had a chance to find out... or not find out. Well, I had a shirt of his. Maybe I bought it because his name represents a city in MA, but then where's my Wakefield excuse? Maybe I bought it because I thought I'd never see another one in my life so I took the chance. I don't really remember. Regardless I bought it and wouldn't you know the guy goes tits up crazy in matter of a few zany weeks.

Shea Hillenbrand. That's right, THE Shea Hillenbrand. They made shirts for him. He hit that grand slam against The Tampa Bay Devil Rays (oh the days of the Devil) that hit off the catwalk in the Trop and the Sox won the game back in 02?. That was awesome. Owning a Shea Hillenbrand shirt wasn't so awesome.

Nomar. I don't want to talk about it.

Manny. 24. What a safe bet I thought to myself. New face of the franchise. Sure he complains every year but they'll never get rid of him. He's like that crazy cousin that gets drunk at family parties and tries stabbing the cooler but you still forgive him because that's just him. Oh well. At least I got some good years out of it.

Coco. I can't take credit for buying this one as it was a gift, but I sure jinxed the hell out of it.

So, I no longer purchase the jersey type T-shirts. However, I have had an amazing effect on the players that I buy a gimmick T-shirt of. My "Pedroia the destroyah" shirt I bought while he was slumping last year surely set him right and my "Yoooouuuukkkk" shirt has been working like a charm. Come to think of it, anything I buy from a skeevy looking dude on Lansdowne has always worked out pretty well for me. Life lesson learned.

The Nutty Buddy

I'm not sure if this is worthy of saving the site, but we know our slim audience wants to know about the latest advancements in crotch protection. So I give you the Nutty Buddy...

http://www.nuttybuddy.com/

I thought the sizes were enough for a chuckle, but there's even a video. And if you ever give someone, especially family, a Nutty Buddy gift certificate, consider yourself disowned.

Warning: Baseball post ahead

I am sorry for the baseball post. This does not change things between us, you the reader and I. I still like to post stupid things and call it baseball related. I just found this interesting.

Jacoby Ellsbury has 37 stolen bases. Assuming he has 3 more this week, that would give him 40 through the half way point. Being an engineer, I'll do the math on that and say he'd be up around 80 for the season at the current pace. 80 stolen bases hasn't been done in over 20 years. ('07 Reyes had 78 and that's the closest since '88) In 1982 Rickey Henderson had 130 stolen bases. One effing hundred and god damn thirty. (side note: he was also caught 42 times that year) To put that in perspective, Ells would have to DOUBLE his SB pace starting right this minute to even be in the 130 base range. Hendu also walked 116 times that year. To put THAT in perspective, in 06 when Ortiz had 50+ HRs he walked 119 times from the 3 spot. Rickey walked 116 times from the leadoff spot. Not to hang from the guy's taint or anything, but those are some crazy numbers. FYI in 82 Dan Quisenberry finished ahead of Rickey in the MVP voting.

Last baseball thing hopefully before Steve saves this site and posts a picture worthy of The Cheese, Jeff Passan of Yahoo! had a good article about Mark Buehrle wanting to retire early. One of the better quotes when asked about if he would go to the Sox/Yanks/big market team and make more, "What, is $14 million a year not enough? I need to go somewhere and get a couple extra million?". Found it kind of fitting because that shortstop guy back in town that turned down $15 mil doesn't think it's enough.

Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

When the Nation notes that"Thankfully the Sox are playing some of the less fortunate teams before the AS break and should be able to notch a few easy wins" the Sox should learn to listen. Shut out by the A's. Ouch. Not exactly the infield of your dreams last night either with Lugo and Green in there at the same time because mighty mite was out with some family issues. Then you got the Professor just giving up piles and piles of hits bringing his ERA up over the bogey level for a par 5. Bogey being a golf term. The Cheese appeals to all. Appreciate it people.

Tonight however, JPB brings the magic and quite possibly a hunting rifle to lay down the law against the A's before they try to pull a Seattle on the boys and go up 2-0. There is no way he settles for anything less than total domination and quite possibly a Temple of Doom-like tearing out of the A's heart. Both are not only necessary, but at this point required.

Thanks beautiful

What Nomar (who got his name by spelling his father's name 'Ramon' backwards - Thank you MVP 2005 for the Playstation) meant by "thanks beautiful" was "thank you for shooting me up with synthetic testosterone to make my muscles bigger but at the same time making my tendons, such as my Achilles, susceptible to tearing like a piece of tissue paper." Not sure if anyone in the world went from hero to hated quite as quickly as Nomar did here in Boston. As all that have left the hearts of Fenway Faithful, we try to remember Nomar for those years when he was the unstoppable force and when he was "our" shortstop who you'd take any day over that guy from NY. Tonight though he's back, along with that guy who is going to rank up there with Big Mac as the worst appologizer ever. For all I care Seattle was a fluke and with the Professor taking the hill tonight we're looking dead into the face of 7 games in a row that the boys should dominate as long as they are not suffering from 3 days of nothing but double cheeseburgers, Sam Summer and chocolate chip cookies like I am.

The Ode of Tim Wakefield

I am Tim Wakefield,

And I have knuckles of brass.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And if you're a Ray, I own your ass.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And I'm forty-two.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And if you're a deer, I own you too.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And I've been here 15 years strong.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And 2 rings later, this is where I belong.

I am Tim Wakefield

And I like to help the children.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And for our troops, just say where and when.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And I play the guitar.

I am Tim Wakefield,

And I'm a f*cking all-star.

Congrats Timmay.

(along with our 5 other friends.)

The Seattle Mariners are the second coming of the Seattle Mariners.

Two in a row? Against the Mariners? Really? The M's must not realize how us New Englanders treasure the 4th of July and the victories that usually come with the fireworks, beer and endless pile of cheeseburgers. Neil Diamond himself was in the city trying to get the mojo going across town but Saito channeled his inner Dice K and before you know it, another one run lose to a team that everyone figured was just stopping by for their yearly beatings.

Today though Tito has the luxury of giving the ball to Jon Lester and you know there is no way Les is going to let a sweep go down in the Fens this weekend. Look for some revenge today. Some bloody, gut wrenching revenge. Or at least some baseball revenge.

New partner for Don?

Started watching the game around the 5th today, and was positive that Orsillo was joined by Danny Bonaduce in the box. Nope, even better, its Sean Casey!

Time to go shoot a roman candle at the neighbor's dog. The forefathers would want me to. Happy Fourth, everybody!

Timmay

That's right Timmy, pamper yourself buddy cus you've started more games for the Sox more than any other pitcher. Ever. In the history of the world. Of course yesterday didn't yield him the win that would have made him an even more attractive option as an All-Star, but we won't know the results til a little later. Let's just hope Joe Maddon remembers all that underdog BS from last year and puts Timmy in his rightful place for the first time.

These 3 series before the AS break are supposed to be a Sox feeding frenzy so hopefully the boys get jiggy with it over the next few days and go into the Classic on a fancy little winning streak.

We are the world...

We are the ones who make a brighter day

So let's start giving

There's a choice we're making

We're saving our own lives

It's true we'll make a better day

Just you and me

Thats right, I'm quoting one of the lamest songs in the history of history... which was arguably one of the most ridiculous collections of musicians/ actors/ dipsh*ts ever. But I'll be damned if it isn't appropriate as a rallying cry to get fellow Sox fans to vote Pedey and Youk in as starters on the '09 All-Star squad (fine, damn me). And because I stockpile free-time in droves, I've already voted like 625 times under 25 different email addresses (carry the 1, drop the 5.... yup, 625). You've got until midnight tonight, MAKE IT HAPPEN... because remember... we are the world, people.

Spaghetti Baldelli!

Rocco Baldelli, the Red Sox Italian ambassador, was a hero yesterday. Yesterday was Wednesday. Wednesday is Prince spaghetti day. Coincidence? I think not.
Also, this.

It's all about how you finish

How fitting that NESN aired the Mothers Day Miracle from '07 after the come from behind win against the O's today. This afternoon Beckett was less than dominate and if last night had most of Red Sox Nation on suicide watch, then the first 8 innings today didn't exactly have anyone backing off the edge of the Tobin. As a collective breath was held (and as companies around Boston lost millions due to the 1:35 start time) the hero of all heroes Julio "I'm a hero" Lugo came through in the 11th. Another 2 out of 3 on the road and now it's back home for a few before half the fellas head down to The Loop (that's St Louis, right) for the 'I hope it doesn't end in a tie' game.

Also, some big news for the Cheese as today http://www.educatedcheese.com was purchased for us by a friend so now you can forget about that typing that whole "blogspot" thing at the end of the address. Or you can still get here the same way you have been, but I imagine it will be much easier to tell your friends the new address. Thanks to Tony for setting that up for us as our internet resources are more or less tapped out logging in to email. Stay tuned for bigger and better things.

Water logged?

Why are you 4 so happy? Didn't you see the game? No? You were too busy riding down your fancy pants flume to see the Sox melt into something resembling a Washington Nationals bullpen with Masterson, Oki and Saito getting their taints handed to them. Yes it sucks to see a starter lit up. It sucks to see Dice K walk a thousand guys and give up 17 singles in 3 innings (mainly because you're bored out of your mind). And yes it sucks to see Smoltz come back from almost a year off and get lit up the first inning of his first start. BUT, it just plain out hurts to see the bullpen that we've all put so much faith and bragability in to forget how to throw and then splash around in Camden while the helpless O's waterboard them for 2 hours.

To help ease the pain, please watch the Out Cold King of the Mountain scene multiple times until you feel like you are able to function for the day.