Why Hello Mr. Papelbon

Love him, hate him, dance with him, black out after bar hopping with him, whatever you think of Paps, he's back for another year. The dancing machine and the Sox didn't even go to arbitration. In case you have any questions about what arbitration really is, check out my explanation the other day. Like a rich athlete accused of some crime in which a normal person would do serious time, the two sides settled the matter "out of court". So, welcome back Paps.

My prediction for Paps in 2010: 42 saves, 1.49 ERA, 20 stupid comments, 2 beer boxes worn on his head, 9 references to his contract next year and 14 fist pumps. The fist pumps are going to be tough to keep track of.

Hello, Boss? I'd like more money

Me: Hey boss, I'd like more money.
Boss: I guess knocking is a thing of the past? Anyways, come in. Now what are you saying, you want a raise?
Me: Sorry... and I wouldn't call it a "raise". See, I think last year when I really engineered the sh*t out of that big project and we finished so far under budget, well I think I deserve a little somethin-somethin.
Boss: So, a raise? And put your pants back on.
Me: Sorry. I've got this guy. Let's call him, for lack of a better term, my agent. He's going to come in with me tomorrow and we'll just name what we think my salary should be next year.
Boss: So you and your agent, you're going to tell me what your raise should be?
Me: Eh, pretty much. You should have a company representative present too, so you can propose what you think I should be making.
Boss: This seems like a lot of work.
Me: Well, this is how it works in the majors. It's called Salary Arbitration.
Boss: Look, I know you have this whole "Educated Cheese" blog thing going on...
Me: ...crap...
Boss: ... and you think you're hot sh*t, but this is kind of ridiculous. How about this: I'll go back to work, you'll keep doing your "Cheese" thing and we'll just kind of forget any of this happened.
Me: So, no agent?
Boss: No agents. See you Monday.

That folks, is how arbitration works... in my mind at least. Speaking of it, there's a few Sox players that are up for it this year. Not that I'd mind having Tim Lincecum on our side, but let's just say he really engineered the sh*t out of stuff last year and he's up for a BIG raise.