How the Jason Bay deal DIDN'T go down

So, P-Gam is reporting that The Sox and Jason Bay were in agreement mid-season last year for a 4-year, $80M deal but then things went south when a physical regarding his bum knees came up and as we all know, Bay is now a Met. For those of you not in the loop as much as I am privileged to be, here is how it went down.

Theo: Jason, this is great. We're really happy we can get this thing worked out now in July rather than waiting til this winter.
Jason: Me too. It will be nice to spend the next 4 years here in Boston.
Theo: Sweet. Now we'll just finish up the physical and we're good to go.
Jason: Oh. Ok. Well, why don't I finish signing the contract first, then we can do the physical.
Theo: Hmm. I won't try to read too deep into that. Why don't you just hop up here on the table and we'll check out your HOLY F*CKING CHRIST YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LEG!!
Jason: What are you talking about?
Theo: Your leg? Like, not plural, I mean, as in one, because you only have one. Well, like one and a quarter with that stub thing. When did this happen?
Jason: Well, you've all just been so darn kind to me since last year, remember the whole "Bay State" thing and people really liked me sooooo no one really double checked the physical annnnnd I've always been missing a leg. The Pirates kind of embraced it.
Theo: Well f*ck me this changes things.
Jason: Oh. How so?
Theo: Well, for one it explains the poor defense thing, and there's no way we offer you 4 years if you only have one leg.
Jason: I see.
Theo: Two years max.
Jason: HA! No way. I'm a top tier free agent. This is my pay day. How is the Met's outfield looking these days anyways?

So it was more of a leg thing than a knee thing, but Gammy didn't have the inside scoop quite like we did.

See my vest...ing options!!

Fact: I will sneak a Simpsons reference in where, and when, ever I can not only Cheese wise, but also in life in general. Now that's cleared up.

Bay more or less painted himself into a corner when he turned down the Sox 4 yr/$60M offer because then every other team knew he wanted either more money or more years.

When apparently no one else was clamoring for Whitey's services, The Mets came in and upped the Sox offer by $1.5M a year and a very Mr. Burns-esque "Vesting" option for a 5th year. While I doubt Omar Minaya opened up his closet and said "Gorilla Chest" or "Gopher Loafer", he did chose to throw some serious cash at a new hitter for their brand new pitcher's park. Speaking in strictly other baseball teams now, this leaves Matt Holliday and super-devil-agent Scott Boras just kind of waiting for someone to low-ball them. Please, someone low-ball Boras. St. Louis, this is to you: Low. Ball. Thank you.

Peace out Jay-Bay... again

All signs are pointing to the Great White Hype signing with The Mets pending a physical. Of course this physical is thought to be more routine than the Mike Lowell probing so there's much less chance of Bay ending up back with the Sox due to a cranky digit. Besides a lot of maple syrup, Bay leaves behind a team that still looks one deal away from being ready for 2010 competition and this signing just kind of solidifies that the OF will definitely be sub-par at best. I guess sub-par might not be the correct word. How about sub-exciting? 2010 Red Sox: Not quite as exciting as last year, but much less Canadian.

Also, this totally effs up my Jason Bay Canadian Maple Syrup/Tasty Suntan Lotion post I was going to make. What a waste of pancake topping.