Laaaaame

Red Sox vs. Yankees = Lame? According to Spike TV it is. Spike TV produces such amazing shows as 1000 Ways to Die, Horsepower TV and Manswers, so you be the judge. I'll admit that sometimes the media coverage and the "do or die" attitude facing every April game between the two can get old, but to call the clashing of the titans lame? Oh Spike TV, you silly, silly tv network. Crap, it's 12:30, Fast Machines with Funk Master Flex is on!!!

Tim Wakefield has something to tell you

Tim Wakefield wants to start. Tim Wakefield thinks he deserves it because he's put in the man hours beyond anyone else in the entire universe. Are you going to tell a guy that most likely has a dozen of those killing things hanging up in his "game room" that he is the odd man out? That he has yet again been given the short stick? That he's too old/weak/injury prone/full of bloodlust to be given the ball every 5 days? I'm not going to tell him. Feel free though. I heard he's at home... cleaning some sharp things in his game room.

Will Forte + Peyton Manning = Comedy Gold

Peyton Manning isn't my most favorite person in the world. But I'll be damned if this isn't one of the funnier SNL sketches ever. The cast members trying to stop laughing in the background is almost as funny as the dancing.

Which sounds worse?

When people try to sing along to AC/DC and hit those Bon Scott/Brian Johnson growling notes, or the high pitched scream of Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses that turns a good hearted karaoke session into an earmuff event?

I'm going to go with AC/DC because Bon/Brian blow Axl out of the water, tight biker shorts or not.

No baseball today. My apologies.

More McGwire

Ugh, another long drive to Pittsburgh. At least I got my tunes. Yeaaahaaa-ahyeaahhhaaahh, it's a party in the U-S-A. Hands up... crap, I'm almost out of gas. Guess I'll turn off here in ::squints:: Transylvannia, Pennsylvania? Whatever, I just hope they have full serve.












'Ello Meester Mark McGwire. 'Ow are you tonight?










I'm good captain cape. Fill'er up, I got some young impressionable minds I need to go flood with my extensive knowledge on how to stay healthy for extended periods of time when others can not.











Of course Meester Mark McGwire. I shall, as you say, "top eet off."










That's great slick. Quicker the better, like I said I'm in a hurry.











It's been a long time since we've had a customer around here, we're all so. hungry.










Yup, money makes a man hungry. Even a pale man like yourself. Yup. Hungry money alright.











That is eenough small talk Meester Mark McGwire, it is time.










Good, this thing is taking forever to fill... what the hell are you doing? Get off me you sicko.











Oh, I will Meester Mark McGwire, once I take a bite out of... what's this sh*t? Where's your neck. This looks like a cross between a pastrami sandwich and a bulldogs a**hole. Ugh, yuck, and it tastes like the bulldog and I don't think I even have taste buds. You have to be kidding, I can't find one good spot, there's flaps of skin cascading down from your jaw like a waterfall.










It's natural, happens to a lot of ex-home run stars.











Look, few years ago we got a hold of Bonds for a half hour and his head had enough blood in it to last my whole family for 2 months. This sh*t ain't right. Get the hell out of here.










Umm, did you at least put any gas in the car?











No, you jerkass. Go down the street, maybe the werewolf will sell you some although I doubt it because he's not going to want to have that neck flap stuck in his teeth either.

Name the Baby

No, not an actual baby, but that guy. Big Baby Davis wants to shed his baby image so we need some ideas for a new nickname. Since my creative juices aren't exactly flowing this morning, leave your idea in the comment section.

Slightly above average sized for a basketball player and childlike Davis?

Rotund Glen?

Pants on the Ground Davis?

Pudgy KG Davis?

By the way is it just me, or is that picture creepy as hell?

Glen: Sure, I'll lay down for you photo taking man. Let me just kick my heels up annnnnnd here's my smile!

Photographer: Wow, we just wanted a picture of you with the trophy. I'm not going to be able to sleep for weeks now.

A common mistake

Yo, Mikey, where's your sister? The chick with glasses?

Who the hell are you?











It's me, Boner!











What the? I don't know anyone named "Boner".











Mikey, it's me?!?! Remember? We grew up together. You're a smooth talking curly haired teen that can just flash his smile and get away with burning down the town library.











I think you mean this guy.











Hey Bone!












Ohhhhhh. Kirk. My bad.











Yeah. This makes no sense.











You're telling me.