Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Bay more or less painted himself into a corner when he turned down the Sox 4 yr/$60M offer because then every other team knew he wanted either more money or more years.
All signs are pointing to the Great White Hype signing with The Mets pending a physical. Of course this physical is thought to be more routine than the Mike Lowell probing so there's much less chance of Bay ending up back with the Sox due to a cranky digit. Besides a lot of maple syrup, Bay leaves behind a team that still looks one deal away from being ready for 2010 competition and this signing just kind of solidifies that the OF will definitely be sub-par at best. I guess sub-par might not be the correct word. How about sub-exciting? 2010 Red Sox: Not quite as exciting as last year, but much less Canadian.
Also, this totally effs up my Jason Bay Canadian Maple Syrup/Tasty Suntan Lotion post I was going to make. What a waste of pancake topping.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Anways, since the MLB office is closed, and trades and such are on hiatus for another few days, the Cheese couldn't help but make a visit over to the frozen friendly confines. And we brought our cameras... (well, the Globe did, we didn't want to freeze our asses off)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Christmas Food Hangover. It usually happens the night of Xmas but it's quite possible that it can happen the day after if you decide to try and spend a $75 gift certificate at the Outback between two people and eat nothing but chocolate coins before dinner. It's a magical time of the year.
In the baseball world things are progressing along like the recovery from the Xmas hangover; very slow and painful. No news yet of any trades or free agent signings or new ball-girls or anything to do with the Sox. Not even a good rumor to keep us occupied til New Years. Hell, showing a Heidi Watney morning workout montage on NESN would at least kind of rally the troops so we all don't feel so in the dark. A Very Remy-Christmas? Happy Eck-Year? NESN, why are you so against all things awesome?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
I hope everyone has a great Christmas and may all your Red Sox wishes come true.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The AT&T vs Verizon war reached new heights when AT&T got Owen Wilson to do some anti-Verizon commercials. I say VZ has to shoot back and get Luke Wilson to point out his brothers' obvious flaws. While Luke has Old School on his side which is beyond a classic, Owen has Wedding Crashers AND was the voice of a frickin' Lightning McQueen. Rather than Owen show that mashed up nose and straw hair on a commercial, I think he should take the licensing rights to Lighting and show his little (maybe big, not sure?) brother how to do cell phones. If it wasn't the eve before Christmas I'd probably come up with a clever picture and maybe even a few funny links, but I still have to go out and do half my Xmas shopping. Also if I didn't have Verizon I'd be pointing out all their short comings and signing the praises of Luke rather than Owen. OK, now I'm getting them confused. A quick Google shows me there is a 3rd brother, Andrew. Wow. You can even learn things on Xmas eve.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Anyways, there's a lot of confusion about what's next and what the Sox are going to do. I am here to tap into the vast wide openness that is the future.
Jason Bay, Matt Holliday, Adrian Beltre and Adrian Gonzalez... Players that will not be starting for the Sox come April. Maybe it's the snow or maybe it's the woman in front of me at Dunkin Donuts who ordered half a dozen egg sandwiches when all I wanted was a medium regular, but I'm Mr. Negative right now and I don't see the Sox pulling off anymore moves. My reasons? Oh, I have reasons. Unless Theo gets Bud Selig and his bunch of yes men to change it to a 26 man roster, there's just no room left for anyone else. If they can move Lowell then yes, there will be one spot, but right now there's no room at the Yawkey Way Inn. More reasons? Cashola. Henry has a money tree, but he might not want to shake all the leaves off that sucker on a less than ideal free agent class this year. Maybe save a few bucks to throw at Mauer next year? Just food for thought.
Boof Bosner... The savior of the 2010 Red Sox. No, I'm kidding. The only thing Boof might save is a seat on the bench for one of the starters that actually pitches during the season.
And within all this negativity there lies some anti-jinxing magic that we here at The Cheese put so much faith in. Break a leg, dislocate a thumb, do what you have to do because we need some mojo right about now.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Could the Sox use an out fielder right now? Eh, maybe. Will they sink to the the lowly low of all lows by signing someone who recently appeared on, ohhhh I don't know, Monday Night Raw? Someone like, ohhhh, I don't know, like Johnny Damon? I'm guessing no. Damon did some kind of hosting or wrestling or weak arm showing off of some kind last night while taunting the crowd about how he's won WS rings in both NY and Boston. From the clips I've seen it was pretty magical in a "oh how the mighty have fallen" kind of way. In his Boston days Damon would have held himself to much higher standards... like being a guest referee or announcer or at least stealing a kiss from someone besides an old goat named The Fabulous Moolah. My apologies if you looked at that picture.
So what to do now? Throw away the season and start to think about 2011? Even though that may be my mentality I'm hoping the front office takes a different look at things and pulls something else out of their collective butts. Moving Lowell is going to be a problem, as if it already wasn't. Short of giving him away for free I just don't know how this is going to get resolved before spring training and before he can prove his thumb is firmly attached to his hand, like a thumb should be.
While we wait on "the thumb" we can take pleasure in seeing that after Jason Bay turned down the Sox 4/$60 deal it looks like the only other team looking for his services at such a steep rate is the New York Mets, which happen to be a hopeless team with a bloated payroll and fancy new stadium but no chance of winning their division and that doesn't sit well with Bay. Let's see, 8 playoff spots total every year, maybe 2 or 3 of those teams are looking for an OF and can afford Bay or Holliday, so that doesn't leave too many suitors that meet Bays' standards to begin with and now he's elimated another one. Oh Jason, what could have been. Shame.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Overall, I can't say I'm too upset about it. I know they were dealing him to get younger and maybe even get another trade prospect down the line but there was something that the "fan" in me didn't care for. Of course the fan side of me usually doesn't win championships. Actually, I really never have anything to do with winning in any way at all, but I know that if I think the right things it usually helps. Right? Sure.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
The only other thing that looks certain to happen this weekend is football and while I could care less about the actual NFL games this is a big ol week in fantasy seasons everywhere, me included. For those of you lucky enough to tough it out through the last 14 weeks and make it to the money rounds, I just hope you're not playing against me because I'm out of rent money.
Friday, December 18, 2009
The last few days were great but what the hell happened yesterday? No rumors, no more Sloth on a stage mumbling something through those busted chicklets he calls teeth, no Jessica Biel movies on tv ALL day? It's like the freezing cold has reached its' nipply hardening cold self into all the other good aspects of life and freezed them to death. There's gotta be some low tier free agent that can get us through the weekend? Some organizational depth? A fatter version of Dustin Pedroia that we can pass off as Chunk so he can follow Lackey around all day doing the truffle shuffle? Please Red Sox, for the sake of my boredom, do something else. What was that? You're in talks with Prince Fielder? Oh, do go on...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Theo Epstein: "It is with great honor that I announce the newest Red Sox pitcher, Mr. John Lackey..." ::applause::
John Lackey: "Thanks everyone. Its great to be here. I'm very proud to be with this team. This is a great city. Always enjoyed playing here at Fenway even though I thought they should tear it down when I was with the Angels. But all is forgotten. Water under the bridge. Questions?"
The Cheese: "Hi, Mr. Lackey, welcome to Boston..."
Cheese: "Were you born with these disfigurements, and did you take it personally when the Fratelli family disowned you?"
Cheese: "Were you relieved when Chunk came to save you? Do you still enjoy Baby Ruth bars?"
Lackey: "The hell are you talking about. Get this a$$hole outta here."
Cheese: ::being carried away:: "Do you think Mikey is a true leader?!!! He's Rudy for god's sake! Is Corey Feldman a jerk in real life?! Are you and Chunk still friends?"
Welcome to Boston, Mr. Lackey. You will forever be known on the Cheese as "Sloth".
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
First off, it's great that he's a member of the Gold Glove club, but you don't exactly have to be a fielding whiz to play LF in Fenway. See Ramirez, Manny. In the case that the ball does get over your head in LF there's that giant wall about 10 feet behind you and if the ball goes over that, well chances are you weren't going to catch it in the first place. In places Cameron has played, the vast wilderness of pitchers parks like Safeco and Petco and CoCo, his range and OF value may have come in to play, but like I said, that's kind of a wash in Fenway.
For some more positives than just his fielding, fangraphs make some interesting points here in Bay vs Cameron. In a nutshell, Cameron isn't quite as bad as everyone is making him out to be and they even go as far as saying this:
In reality, the odds are pretty good that Cameron is going to outperform Bay next season, just as he’s done in most every season recently, and he’s going to do it for far less money.
Well shiver me timbers, Fangraphs.
Then there's the glaring negatives that people are going to recite/yell at you next time you talk Sox shop and they pretty much all revolve around his strike out rate, his career strike outs and his striking outness. Long story short, he is going to swing and miss quite a lot, so we might as well get used to it now.
So what can we expect in LF this year? Ah, who the hell knows.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Looks like Cameron, 37 years old when the season starts, will take over the void in left field left by the man we shall now refer to as "The Picky Canadian". It would be insanely optimistic to say Cameron's best days aren't behind him, but hell there's action in Boston and I'm not going to go around ruining it. Cameron's UZR rating falls in the top 12 or so in the entire league, so playing left with that giant green thing behind him we should all be able to expect some solid D.
More to come today? More presents to open?
Monday, December 14, 2009
Uh oh. That's 6. Chances are you don't sign a guy like Lackey and expect to place him in a 6 man rotation. More things to come?? I'm thinking yes.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Jobs I would do for a 4 year $60 Million deal:
- Official mayonnaise tester - Duties include testing every single jar of mayonnaise as it comes off the production line.
- Hugh Grant movie watcher - That's right. I'll watch, and give thorough reports on every Hugh Grant movie ever made. At least until I slit my throat with a broken DVD.
- Sewage inspector - Make sure all the sewage has its full amount of whatever it is that makes sewage.
- Play baseball for the Boston Red Sox.
What's my point? Why does there always have to be a point? My point is I like Back to the Future and chances are Jason Bay won't be back next year. That's my point.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
In regards to the team as a whole this can set up for a few big things:
- Adrian Beltre at 3rd. With Lowell gone and there not being that huge free agent power OF bat they might need to get the power from Beltre at 3rd and by resigning Bay in left. It's definitely a step up from Youk at 3rd and Kotchman at first.
- BIG THINGS - Move Youk to 3rd and bring in our dream scenario of Adrian Gonzalez or Miguel Cabrera or Prince Fielder. The movable pieces are there and with Lowell cleared out (salary smalarly) they can push Youk over to 3rd and let Adrian or Miggy or Big Fat Prince float around first base.
Things are in motion and it could mean more to come. I'm selfish, give me more. Gimme.
Sorry everybody. This is as good as its going to get this offseason. Yanks are grabbing good players like Granderson, and we're left with guys on scooters. Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
"Word has it, Stuart, that The Yankees are going to go after CC Sabathia, Mark Teixera AND AJ Burnett... did I read that right? Do these asshats have no shame? Great, that leaves what, table scraps for the rest of the league. F#*kin' Yankees. Back to you Stuart, you lazy eyed motha f#&ker."
So now Gammons continues his analytical dominance at a channel which really was made especially for him. 100% baseball all the time. Hell, even the field they have in the studio looks like somethings Gammy could have ran around on in his hay-day.
**EDIT** Hold the effin' phones. My apologies for the first part of this post that I wrote last night, but now they're saying Petey boy is also going to be working for NESN in 2010? So what you're telling me is we get DO, Remy, Watney, Rice, The Eck AND Gammy?!?! This is like a movie about Micheal J Fox driving a time machine into Rocky's fight with the Russian while Arnold is just about to give the thumbs up to Jessica Biel (clothes optional) as he's dipped into a tub of "magma" and Peter Gammons is doing play by play on the entire thing. Wow. Just wow. See you around Gammy.
Well guys, we gave it a good shot but it just looks like Jason Bay doesn't want to come back to Boston. I say we go after this thing Irish wake style. I'll go get the gorilla suit and the Bud Lights.
Theo. I don't know if you read the latest SCWNOC, but I was flipping through the pages....
The Sporting Canadian World News of Canada.
Let's see, Hustler. Check. Handsome Men Under 40. Check. No Sporting Canada thing though.
Well, Theo, here it says Jason Bay is Canadian.
Yarrrr, why don't we pay the lousy swab in Canadian dollars then? What say you, Theo-rrrrr?
Well, if that's the route you're interested in traveling down, just to let you know, $15 Million American dollars is roughly about $22 Million Canadian dollars.
YARRR!!! My NASCARRRRRRRR doesn't even bring in that kind of bounty.
What's up Theo LaFluer!!! Did I hear someone say Jason Bay is signing for $20 Million dollars? Me'Shell Sabathia, go have a word or three with Mr. Bay.
Right away Mr. Steinbrenner.
Yarrrrr!!! John Henry the Pirate don't like the looks of this. Yarrrrrrr...
... to be continued...
Amazingly, all photo shopping was done in house, not by semi-drugged, semi-professionals being held under their own power in my basement.
Monday, December 7, 2009
As for Sox, what, you want a rumor? Sign Miguel Cabrera. That's my rumor. Do it, Theo. Come on tough guy. Get it done. Is that a threat? What if it was? Huh? Did this stop making sense? You bet.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
- He's the son of Cecil. It almost sounds biblical. "The Son of Cecil." Plus, they hate each other. Cecil shows up to the field, and we've got ourselves a Jerry Springer episode.
- His name is Prince. You don't second-guess royalty.
- He's fat. Fat guys are great to laugh at. And when they have 40+ HR potential you can easily turn the mock laughter into victory laughter. Ortiz has lost his "quintessential fat guy" luster. And we all remember how enjoyable the Mo Vaughn days were. "Enjoyable" is a fairly large euphemism there.
- When he gets thrown at, he skips the mound and charges the opposing team's locker room. I take that as "competitiveness" (though a better word is crazy). Still, there will never be a dull moment with Prince's fuse in the dugout and plenty of matches to be lit in the AL East.
- His home run celebrations are awesome and sometimes violent.
- He plays in Milwaukee. He'll be bringing us beer and bratwurst.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
First, the animals: Andres "Big Cat" Gallaraga, Andre "The Hawk" Dawson, Fred "The Crime Dog" McGriff, Mark "I injected myself with enough horse testosterone to be considered part animal" McGwire and Alan Trammell played on the Tigers.
Other noteables: Ellis Burks (because he was on the Red Sox), Barry Larkin (because he played with Chris Sabo), Roberto Alomar (Sir Spits) and Robin Ventura (not batman).
Well, that turned out to be incredibly un-interesting. Besides maybe Barry Larkin and eventually Roberto Alomar, guys like Ellis Burks and Robin Ventura really have no chance in hell of ever making it to the Coop. Definitely a step down from last year where there was the near unanimous vote of Rickey Hendu and the long awaited vote of Jim Rice. I mention near unanimous with Rickey because this guy didn't think Rickey was even in the top 10 in that class. Top 10, or top 8 I guess because according to this little piece of info here, he didn't realize he had 10 to choose from and would have voted Rickey in if he had those 2 more votes. Glad there are such great minds at work when determining who makes it into the hall.
Another good call by the MLB Network with the '96 AS game last night. Ozzie Smith's last AS game, Cal Ripken in mid streak, Bob Costas calling a guy running onto the field a "moron" and one of my favorite guys growing up, Ellis Burks, tripled. He was on the Marlins then, but he'll always be a Sox guy.
Also, Nick Cage getting Jessica Biel in that movie Next? There's a better chance of Youk not eating red meat for 2 days straight. I've never seen the movie so I don't know if Nick Cage does actually get Jessica Biel but I bet Nick sneaked it in his contract that he gets to at least cop a cheap feel.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Ok. I've had a few minutes to cool down and catch my breath after waking up and finding out the Scoots news. Maybe this isn't the worst thing in the world. They HAD to find a SS and you might as well get one that is accustomed to the AL East and has some versatility in the fielding department. Arguably, Scooter is the best available right now, so instead of being all down I'll look at it that way. They got the best guy they could without giving up anything besides money. Money which grows on the Henry/Luchino money tree they had planted in the Fenway Park offices.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Baseball fans can rejoice, at least temporarily, as Chip Caray has been fired by TBS!!!
- comes from a long line of baseball broadcasters, notably hilarious Cubs announcer Harry Caray.
- f*cked things up behind the mike for the: Orlando Magic, Seattle Mariners, Chicago Cubs and Atlanta Braves.
- joined the Brotherhood of Idiotic National Baseball Announcers (BINBA) in 2004 when he joined TBS. Other notable members of BINBA: Chris Berman, Joe Buck, Steve Phillips, vice-president Joe Morgan and president Tim McCarver.
- a world-class, over-reacting dipsh*t.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Now I'm not sure if this tops Pedro in the AS game, but they just showed The Yankees losing the 2001 World Series to the D-backs. With the entire country rooting on the Yanks (if you recall that 9/11 thing just happened) it was sweet to watch them lose it again this time. Then it's nothing less than god damn eerie to watch Schilling go into Yankee Stadium 3 years before "the sock" and know what you're about to watch. Good work MLB Network. You get a free pass until I watch one of your stupid shows and write a post about how I don't like Harold Reynolds.